The 2019 Angelman Gameplan
Season One: Day One to EVO.
1. I have to shake off the rust. Haven't been remotely serious about competing since mid-2016.
2. I must make sure I have Wednesday as a regular night off from work so I can become a regular at NLBC in Brooklyn.
3. I must fight literally everyone in New York.
4. I'm going to CEO (it's the weekend before my birthday!) And I intend to do the Zandig Muscle Pose with as many wrestlers as I can find.
5. I will fill myself with positivity and whiskey and find a way to make it to Day 2. How? I have absolutely no idea. I am a reasonable middle of the pack player, nothing special at all...but also not terrible either. I have always been my own worst enemy and I would lose to the self psyche-out before I even had a chance to fight. I am not 2016 Box anymore. The weakness, the sadness, the insecurity, the constant terror that I was in the vacation goo...no more. I am 2019 Angelman. I would put Box on a spit like a rotisserie chicken and feed him to the Babadook if I had the chance. I need to take THAT rage and find a way to translate it into positive frames and as much reckless Month Two bullshit as I can get away with while I have it. If I can find a way to Day Two and do battle in that ring, it will galvanize the entire eight years I will have been a part of this insane circus. That will be my trophy.
6. I want to be eliminated in heartbreaking fashion by a Kung Lao player - doesn't matter how far I go, as long as I get in the ring and lose to Kung Lao, that's important for later.
7. My hope is to receive standing ovation from like 20 people and Coach Asuka.
8. Yes, in this list, Asuka comes to CEO. No, I do not have any inappropriate plans with her, she just looks like a lot of fun and I've always wanted a fighting game friend who can speak Japanese so they can hype me up like Jun Kasai or someone of that sort.
9. We will hit it off over our mutual love of Jim Beam bourbon and that time Daisuke Sekimoto went through a deathmatch phase, and she appoints herself my coach for the remainder of CEO.
10. Enraged and heartbroken by my defeat at the hands of Kung Lao, Coach Asuka will swear on the swords of her ancestors to make me strong enough to avenge this defeat and vanquish Kung Lao from existence. However, after I explain to her that there isn't a real physically attackable Kung Lao in this reality, she'll hand me het whistle, thank me for the memories and our mutual love of the Deadlift German Suplex, and immediately leave to drop several tabs of LSD, go to Magic Kingdom, ride Space Mountain, and take pictures with Donald Duck.
After that...well, then we all party, see how EVO plays out a couple of weeks after, and wait for the inevitable patch to completely inside out the game as we know it.