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Crazy Stories Thread

CRUM

CRUM

Warrior
I was watching Mission Impossible 3 in the theater with some friends and at one part in the movie, Tom Cruise's character jumps off of a building and the movie went silent. I ripped ass and the theater erupted in laughter. It was pretty awkward walking out of the theater when a lot of the people knew it was me who did it, but still funny as hell.
 
DragonPick

DragonPick

I don't play Runescape
Oh, god. My sides and my life. This is the best thread ever. I love you FrothyOmen
Marry me...


So, when I was younger and new to the internet, my friend Jose came over to spend the night. We stayed up late and got bored at one point, so we decided to go online. It was pretty fun for a while, but we wanted some awesome site with all the best games on it. That's when I remembered that my sister goes to a site called girls.com or something like that, where girls have fun and play games and crap.
So of course logic states if girls.com is the best girl site on the internet, boys.com must be the greatest site for guys ever!
It was a gay porn site.
We still don't talk to each other about that night.



Another time happened at school. I was always picked on at school and one day when this bigger guy started messing with me, I got mad and started shouting back at him. I was a smart ass, so I kind of got him at every time he said something. It would have been my proudest moment if it wasn't for him finally stating he'll kick my ass after school. I believed him and spent the rest of the day scared and feeling sick. My friends weren't there to help me (they got suspended) so I was all alone.
When the time came, I tried to sneak out of school, but he found me and all the kids came up to us. I was hoping a teacher would show up, but our ghetto ass school wouldn't help. As soon as he stepped up to me, I barfed on him while crying. Then I threw the weakest sucker punch ever and ran home crying.
He didn't mess with me anymore thankfully. I'd like to think it was because of that, but it was probably because my bigger friends...


Finally, I guess the first time I saw a naked woman was in middle school. I rushed into the room and saw my grandma changing. Twas not a pleasant time. Come to think of it, I have seen a strangely large amount of old boobs and penises, but I worked at a nursing home for a while, so that may be why.
 
OZZYGUITAR

OZZYGUITAR

Back-dash Adam
Lol so heres another story
So im in my gym class(freshman year) and we r playing triple kickball, hw it works is there are a ton of outfielders, 2 pitchers, 2 kickers, and one person who just runs. So im on the left(kicking) my friend vince is on base(there was only one base, which was a huge mat, and its strait ahead of where you have to run) and my friend jason is running next to me,idk who was kicking on the right but it doesnt matter, so i kick the ball, as hard as i can, and it goes strait into the pitchers face, the other ball goes right in front of where im running so i start going to right, so jason and i end up both running next to eachother and go to jump over the pitcher, who just fell over laughing and holding his face, and vince runs out from behind some outfielders and he also goes to jump over the pitcher at the same time as us, so we all slam into eachother midair and fall on top of the pitcher in a dog pile, next thing i know a ton of other people are also tripping over us and the teacher is yelling at us for being idiots, then some assholes started throwing kickballs at us and more people started getting on top in a dog pile, next thing i know my gym teachers office and he says "Why would you do that?" i said "it was an accident, im really sorry sir" so he looks me dead in the eye and said "If i paid you....would you do it again?" I burst out laughing
 
Faded Dreams V

Faded Dreams V

Retired June 2012. Unretired June 2013.
When I was in 6th grade, I was very immature. Well, I still am, but that's irrelevant. Anyways, in my English class, I passed a note to my friend, telling him about a porn site I discovered recently. The note read something like, "*Insert site here* You'll find nice big dicks there," implying that he'd enjoy it cause he's gay (gay this, gay that was thrown around in humor back then, as much as it irks me nowadays). Some guy took the note before I managed to pass it to my friend. He started passing it to the entire class, and eventually, the teacher took it. He simply said, "Oh my..." and threw the note in the thrash. Yeah, people thought I was gay...

k. This one was genuinely embarrassing. lol.
 
DJ L Toro

DJ L Toro

Warrior
o-BEEF_SUPREME-o said:
Ok, Prepare for awkward overload. I'll keep this short and sweet.


So I was in a pretty long relationship with this girl from junior year until 2 years after high school. It was one of those "ZOMG SHE'S THE ONE" type things....I was young and stupid. Well, things got rocky really fast. She ended up stepping out on me several times, broke my heart, I got all emo, blah blah blah. So after it ended, we were NOT on speaking terms what so ever.

Now fast forward to about a year later. My father, who was in N.A. at the time for a pretty nasty heroin problem, is starting to get his shit together and meets a woman. He was very excited to tell me about it, and I was extremely happy for him. Until I met the woman. Now let me preface the climax of this story with the fact that up until this time, I had not spoken to or seen my dad in over 5 years. So he was very out of the loop on my past personal life. With that said, he invited me over one day for dinner to meet his new lady friend, who was none other than aforementioned ex GF's mom.. They then fell madly in love and got married. So now, not only was I forced to constantly run into my ex, whom I couldn't stand the sight of....she was legally related to me. Talk about FUCKING AWKWARD.

Beat that shit.
Click to expand...
Sounds like the plot of a good number of hentais.
 
Temjiin

Temjiin

www.mkxframedata.com
Derpin Errday said:
A year ago I was sick with the flu and was taking some pills to help me feel better.The day after taking the pills I headed over to Wal-Mart to get some groceries.Then I hear the giant rumble of doom within me.I thought it was just gas so I went to an empty aisle and let it out.

Turn out those pills gave me EXPLOSIVE DIARRHEA AND I SHIT ALL OVER THE FLOOR...

and FUCK was it loud...loud enough for an employee from another aisle to come and see what had happened thinking something might have fallen or something of the sort.Then he called it in over the loud speaker asking for his manager and a cleanup (not saying what I had done,just that the aisle need a cleanup).They then escorted me out of the store crap still dripping from my shorts and me crying from embarrassment while everyone is staring at me like I'm a maniac.

I just went back for the first time about a month ago and the manager STILL remembered me as "The guy who shit all over the furniture aisle".(I heard him talking about it and he was also looking at me oddly).

I am NEVER going back there.Ever.EEEEEEEVVVVVVEEEERRRRR
Click to expand...

Similar story. In Hong Kong last year on a pre-wedding honeymoon (for a wedding I eventually bailed on) I had all you can eat Korean BBQ with my fiancee.... Basically about 5 plates of ox tongue, king prawns and kimchi.

An hour later I felt that internal explosion, no warning whatsoever. I knew what was coming and dripped sweat all over. There and then, in a packet night market, I shat myself hard. In public. Long journey home.
 
Rampage254

Rampage254

Ayy Lmao
DragonPick said:
Oh, god. My sides and my life. This is the best thread ever. I love you FrothyOmen
Marry me...


So, when I was younger and new to the internet, my friend Jose came over to spend the night. We stayed up late and got bored at one point, so we decided to go online. It was pretty fun for a while, but we wanted some awesome site with all the best games on it. That's when I remembered that my sister goes to a site called girls.com or something like that, where girls have fun and play games and crap.
So of course logic states if girls.com is the best girl site on the internet, boys.com must be the greatest site for guys ever!
It was a gay porn site.
We still don't talk to each other about that night.



Another time happened at school. I was always picked on at school and one day when this bigger guy started messing with me, I got mad and started shouting back at him. I was a smart ass, so I kind of got him at every time he said something. It would have been my proudest moment if it wasn't for him finally stating he'll kick my ass after school. I believed him and spent the rest of the day scared and feeling sick. My friends weren't there to help me (they got suspended) so I was all alone.
When the time came, I tried to sneak out of school, but he found me and all the kids came up to us. I was hoping a teacher would show up, but our ghetto ass school wouldn't help. As soon as he stepped up to me, I barfed on him while crying. Then I threw the weakest sucker punch ever and ran home crying.
He didn't mess with me anymore thankfully. I'd like to think it was because of that, but it was probably because my bigger friends...


Finally, I guess the first time I saw a naked woman was in middle school. I rushed into the room and saw my grandma changing. Twas not a pleasant time. Come to think of it, I have seen a strangely large amount of old boobs and penises, but I worked at a nursing home for a while, so that may be why.
Click to expand...
Lol I remember those stories
 
DJ L Toro

DJ L Toro

Warrior
so this one wasnt really awkward for me cuz child daniel didnt give no fucks, but sorta was for everyone else.

Back when i was a kid (younger than 5 wasnt in school yet) my parents would leave me at KinderKare daycare centers. so these places had sorta strict schedules for things like nap time, play time, snack time, bathroom time, etc.
so anyway, it's playtime and we're all outside plaing tag or something... cant really remember, and im like woah, i really gotta pee. so i go tell the people and they're like it's play time, hold it for 15 minutes.
Lets be clear right now, if i knew how to tell time i could have held it. 15 minutes hor a kid is like ten years.
so anyway im like fuck that i go to the nearest toy in the playground, a rocking horse and just piss my heart away on that bitch. you just hear the employee say "WHAT THE FU**" run over and try to grab me. but any man that pees will tell you if you grab someone while they pee, they will pee on you. so one golden shower later this employee hates me (i wonder why), and im just like, "i was your own fault, i told you i had to pee."
 
Hitoshura

Hitoshura

Head Cage
Went to a party once and the dude who owned the house was a complete ass hat. Seeing how much of a prick this guy was I decided it would be justified if I took a shit on top of a toilet seat cover. For the record I'm beyond gone in terms of how intoxicated I was. I make my way to the third floor bathroom b/c 98% of the people of the party were not aware that the house had 3 floors. I take off my pants and drop my draws and start to squeeze out a huge chunk of shit ore, but then suddenly I hear footsteps. I realized I left the bathroom door open and a friend of mine walks in seeing me shitting on this dudes toilet seat. Without hesitation he walks away slowly but only to return 20 seconds later with a roll of toilet paper. I look to the right of me to see the toilet paper dispenser was empty and as I look back at my friend he places the roll of toilet paper on the sink. He turns to me and says "Your welcome" with a gigantic smile on his face.

My friends always got my back :)
 
Enenra

Enenra

Go to hell.
I wasn't sure about sharing this one but why not

I was working as a cashier in Walgreens and my mom came in. She didn't even notice me, and I hadn't seen her in a few weeks, and after 10 or so minutes she came up to the register. I had to ring up condoms, frosting, and red bull. She just plopped them down on the counter, fished out her credit card, and then looked up at me. I didn't know what to do so I just hid my face and rang her order up.
 
Gesture Required Ahead

Gesture Required Ahead

Get on that hook
HGTV Soapboxfan said:
So right before ECT i was staying at a friends house. I woke up in the morning, and went into the kitchen to get some breakfast, because you know what they say, breakfast is the most important meal of the dy.All he seems to have is a cereal called "Bunch o' Cinnamon Squares" so I start pouring it into a bowl. Suddenly, this big ass motherfucking rat pops out of the box! Like, Master splinter from the ninja turtles size rat.
So I ate that bitch.
Now, at this point, I hear a squeek come from the cereal box. I look inside and see a little baby rat, staring up at me. Thats right! The motherfucking rat had a family.
So I ate that bitch too.
Now, I wanted to go for a morning walk. So, as I walk down the street, I trip on an uneven piece of sidealk. Now, I cant go down like that, so I play it off like I decided to jog. When I see that no one is around, i continue walking. Suddenly, BOOOM, I get hit by a sniper bullet, right in the shoulder. I find cover, then try to look at my wound. But that shit is gone. Thats when I realize, I am in a bed. It was all a dream. So i get up, and realize that my friend has my mk disc. i gotta practice for ect, so i know I have to get that from his room. I go in, and my friends girl is in there. She had just gotten out of the shower, so she only had a towel, and she was glistening a little bit. At first I try to leave, but she begs me to stay. Just then, my friend tackles me from behind, punching me in the face over and over, yelling that "NOBODY TOUCHES MY BUNCH O' CINNAMON SQUARES!"

I swear its true. HGTV DrFlash44 OZZYGUITAR
Click to expand...

YOU PIECE OF SHIT I LOVE DASHIEXP!!!!!!!!!!!!

 
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