I've gotten my fair share of ragequits. I've been called just about every homophobic and racial slur in the book (and if I say I'm Cuban, forget about it). I'm used to it. But yesterday, this one disgruntled fellow, Rico-Suave92 on PSN, holy shit. In all my life of doing anything competitive, sports or video games, I have never encountered such salt. I have to share because the experience just does not seem normal.
So I send him a challenge in a random player match lobby. He was one of the few people with a decent connection, and when none of my friends are on, I have to settle for trying to find the best combo of connection and record available to me. Record doesn't mean shit - I have about 1900 wins and 900 losses (at least 100 of those losses are disconnects pre-patch and 500 of those wins are against people with no idea how to play) and that seems to scare people, which makes it hard to get random matches. I'm pretty happy however that this Rico_Suave92 guy accepts, and at 400-200, I assume he at least knows some basics and I can work on my scrubby Joker.
He accepts, and before the player select match even appears, this guy is throwing insults.
"Wow, you fat fucking virgin, over 3000 games (not really, he couldn't count, but whatever), get a life you piece of shit."
Now I was a bit overwhelmed, because this dude was shouting into his microphone, and had a friend in the background also insulting me, creating this sort of surprisingly harmonic douchebag overture. Having survived America's public school system, I'm pretty much immune to insults and douchebaggery of all kinds, and have learned to take it in stride. So I ask the guy if he's doing alright, if he's a upset at something, and why he's taking it out on someone who he's never even met, or played before. Usually people lose to me before they rage. This gets him and his friend really gong, and they continue to talk massive amounts of trash about me, my family, and my dog (Yes, my dog. Assholes. She has an arthritic knee.)
I decide to just keep my cool and pick my main. Of course, he immediately cries about Nightwing (I believe his sobriquet for DIck was Fagwing) and picks Batman. Lo and Behold, he's nothing more than a j2man with an easy 35% bnb. That's it. It's all he does. Occasional random grapple. So I backdash in escrima, punish his landing lag with b2, knock him full screen, and go into staff. Of course he can't handle simple ground spark zoning, and I read every obvious double jump and send him back fullscreen with flying grayson. ANd now he gets really going...
He and his friend have ceased talking to me at this point; now they're just consulting each other, talking about how gay I am, how Jewish my gameplan is, and other such nonsense. I say fine, I don't want the poor guy to burst a blood vessel, and pick batgirl. Of course he starts calling me gay for playing a female (why do people always say this?) and wants me to stick with NW, but I assure him he doesn't have the blood pressure for it. Batgirl and J2man duke it out, I teeport his jump forward at the start of the match, begin the vortex, and now this man goes absolutely LIVID. I mean, he is screeching, his friend in the background is laughing and joining in, and all the while I'm telling him it's a vortex, just block overhead, I'm going to hit you overhead...Nothing. Hold back, on the directional pad, I'm going to hit overhead..Nothing. The match ends in 3 vortexes (not because he blocked right, but because my execution is awful) I guess he was too good to listen to me.
He sticks around for 3 more matches with BG that go much the same way, his buddy takes over the mic and starts talking trash for him, and after 5 matches of an ass whuppin' he leaves, with the devastating one-liner, "get laid". I didn't know whether to break a rib from laughing so hard or lose all faith in humanity.
Later in the day I ran into him in a KOTH hobby, where he recognizes me, I ask how he's feeling, and he says "Bro, it's all good, I smoked a bowl." On dat kush and shouting at random people you'll never meet in a video game...I should take notes from him on how to get a life.
