Crazy Stories Thread

[Chongo]

Give me one good reason why I should post a story in here.

 

[FrothyOmen]

Give me one good reason why I should post a story in here.

I will post booty pics

 

[Lord Beef]

Ok, Prepare for awkward overload. I'll keep this short and sweet.


So I was in a pretty long relationship with this girl from junior year until 2 years after high school. It was one of those "ZOMG SHE'S THE ONE" type things....I was young and stupid. Well, things got rocky really fast. She ended up stepping out on me several times, broke my heart, I got all emo, blah blah blah. So after it ended, we were NOT on speaking terms what so ever.

Now fast forward to about a year later. My father, who was in N.A. at the time for a pretty nasty heroin problem, is starting to get his shit together and meets a woman. He was very excited to tell me about it, and I was extremely happy for him. Until I met the woman. Now let me preface the climax of this story with the fact that up until this time, I had not spoken to or seen my dad in over 5 years. So he was very out of the loop on my past personal life. With that said, he invited me over one day for dinner to meet his new lady friend, who was none other than aforementioned ex GF's mom.. They then fell madly in love and got married. So now, not only was I forced to constantly run into my ex, whom I couldn't stand the sight of....she was legally related to me. Talk about FUCKING AWKWARD.

Beat that shit.

 

[Chongo]

Ok, FrothyOmen is just too damn persuasive.

When I was a very little boy, me and my Grandmom went to Target. I usually went straight to the video game section and admired everything while she went to get what we needed, then we'd leave. However, one day they had a GameCube hooked up, and they had a SoulCaliber game ready to play. (It was the one with Link.) I had to go to the bathroom, but it was forgotten instantly. I was just sitting there, playing, not reacting to the fact that I really had to piss. Finally, it built up to a point where I just couldn't hold it and pee'd everywhere. I MEAN EVERYWHERE! There was some on the ceiling man! A poor employee had to clean it up, and to this very day is why I refuse to play any SoulCaliber.

 

[FrothyOmen]

o-BEEF_SUPREME-o

Well, shit.

 

[Lord Beef]

o-BEEF_SUPREME-o

Well, shit.

Yeah dude.

 

[FrothyOmen]

OP Updated

 

[Faded Dreams V]

Got a hard-on when my doctor was checking my balls during a physical.

 

[FrothyOmen]

Got a hard-on when my doctor was checking my balls during a physical.

That's why they keep the rooms so cold ;_;
Faded, I....

 

[Qwark28]

This one's from senior year of highschool. It's a pretty regular day, I'm playing soccer in gym. The ball is up in the air, and I think I'm gonna be awesome and air kick it into the goal.

I miss the ball, and kick the goalie in the face. I try to ask "are you okay?" and say "I'm so fucking sorry" at the same time. Instead, I end up yelling "ARE YOU FUCKING SORRY!?" as the goalie chokes back tears

srsly laughing my ass off LMAO

 

[Prinz]

Got a hard-on when my doctor was checking my balls during a physical.

This reminded me.
When I was inspecting for army documentation I went in the doctor's office with 3 more guys. And when we took down our underwear, one of them had a hard-on. The doctor looks at him (she was a woman), then tells him: "See that cup of water there? Go fresh up." So, basically he had to go and stick his thing in there. What he did - he took a drink off that cup. Maan, was that uncool...

 

[FrothyOmen]

This reminded me.
When I was inspecting for army documentation I went in the doctor's office with 3 more guys. And when we took down our underwear, one of them had a hard-on. The doctor looks at him (she was a woman), then tells him: "See that cup of water there? Go fresh up." So, basically he had to go and stick his thing in there. What he did - he took a drink off that cup. Maan, was that uncool...

 

[Faded Dreams V]

When I was 6, I had a stomach problem, so my dad brought me to the clinic. They put an enema on me, and told me to go to the bathroom. I did, but couldn't release anything. Enema didn't seem to work. When I returned to the exam room, and sat on the doctor bed thing......that's when it worked. My dad yelled at me. Messy, messy day.

 

[Lord Beef]

Got a hard-on when my doctor was checking my balls during a physical.

This happened to me once when I was getting a massage. It wasn't even one of 'those' massage places either. It was embarrassing.

 

[Faded Dreams V]

DBZ was very popular when I was little. Me and a group of kids used to play "DBZ" during recess, which basically consisted of us roleplaying a character from the show, and throwing fake punches at each other without making physical contact. Yeah, I slipped and punched a kid square in the face. He fell to the ground and cried. I got detention.

 

[STORMS]

In gym class about to play volley ball.

Teacher says NOT to use your fist to hit it while I'm spacing out in the middle row

Ball comes to me while I'm not paying attention and I quickly punch it away

It does a line-drive in to the girl's face in front of me

She yells, "Son of a bitch!"

I get put on the side-line in tears laughing for at least 5 minutes.

To this day, I cannot tell this story without ruining it (by laughing)

 

[Error]

 

[Pig Of The Hut]

Well I remember this one time i was cleaning the second lobby in my Mcdonalds, and I saw the Mexican chick I had been flirting, and making out with back there sitting down. So I continue to clean while glancing over occasionally. She would motion for me to come over, but I was a man on a mission. So I finally get to where she is and she asks "Quan why are you so afraid of me?" I politely say "Girl I ain't afraid of you I'm just trying to clean this so I can have my break". She then says "well give me a kiss."
I do so, but as I do she grabs my shirt ans we start making out. So after like 2 minutes of making out I start to sucking on her boobs, and fingering her cause well I didn't give a fuck about my job at that moment. So after a while of doing that she start to reach down, and feel my junk. All the while people are coming into the first lobby to eat and stuff. So she starts to give me a handjob, and I'm feeling like a GODDAMN BOSS.
Next thing you know she says" Do you want me to suck it?" In my mind I was like is that even a fucking question, but I politely say "Hell yeah." So she goes down on me for what seems like forever but in all actuality is probably like 10 to 15 minutes. So she ask me to come in her mouth to which I was like nah.... you have to go home to your boyfriend, I'll just hold it in for another day. So I come back to the first lobby after washing my hands. I went back behind the counter and my manager demands to know what I was doing. I tell him" Look Chris, your my boy so I'm just gonna tell you the straight up truth. I just got done getting a blowjob. Don't tell anyone. Like how you told I about the other times." So he understands and gives me my break.
I HAVE NEVER FELT SO PROUD!!!!!!

wait i missed something

This happened in a bathroom, back room or what? I read it wrong i guess cause i pictured this like she was sitting in the restaurant where customers are

 

[Son ov Timett]

All right, I'll bite.

I got drunk off my ass at a chum's pad after his senior prom. Most of my social circle at the time was comprised of my best bud's little brother's amigos (1 yr younger.) I was three sheets to the wind and four to the stars come 3 am as we all were sprawled out on the floor of his bedroom in a vomitous state. Down the hall lies the lad's parents, the father being an Ex-Marine/LAPD officer whose been in multiple gun fights during his years of service. Very intimidating man to say the least. Being that it was 3am and not a creature was stirring I was reticent to use the facilities in fear of rousting anyone from their slumber. It was already kind enough of these folk to allow said inebriation under their roof, it would be uncivilized to stir them out of their nocturne. So I did what any rightful lad would do, zipped down, and began showering the bedroom with streams of gold. Thar was no nuggets in them hills, but there was a maelstrom of guffaws coming from my mouth as I decked the walls. Mid stream one of my chums wakes up from the giddiness springing from my loins, and has the temerity to question my actions. I continue cackling in to the night as I turn my sterile waste in his direction. A saline seltzer of chartreuse showers the unexpecting comrade, sending him reeling beneath the covers of his borrowed sleeping bag. I zip up and promptly leave the residence 16 ounces lighter and trek 2 miles home to my warm confines.

Good thing that I did, as my buddy said he resolved that he was going to stab me for said deed had I stayed the night. This dude had a troubled childhood, we had almost got in to fisticuffs long before we became friends for no reason at all, so I take him at his word that he was seeing red for seeing yellow.

Dude's been one of my best friends for the past 15 years. Moral of the story, don't let bodily fluids come between friendship.

 

[FrothyOmen]

All right, I'll bite.

I got drunk off my ass at a chum's pad after his senior prom. Most of my social circle at the time was comprised of my best bud's little brother's amigos (1 yr younger.) I was three sheets to the wind and four to the stars come 3 am as we all were sprawled out on the floor of his bedroom in a vomitous state. Down the hall lies the lad's parents, the father being an Ex-Marine/LAPD officer whose been in multiple gun fights during his years of service. Very intimidating man to say the least. Being that it was 3am and not a creature was stirring I was reticent to use the facilities in fear of rousting anyone from their slumber. It was already kind enough of these folk to allow said inebriation under their roof, it would be uncivilized to stir them out of their nocturne. So I did what any rightful lad would do, zipped down, and began showering the bedroom with streams of gold. Thar was no nuggets in them hills, but there was a maelstrom of guffaws coming from my mouth as I decked the walls. Mid stream one of my chums wakes up from the giddiness springing from my loins, and has the temerity to question my actions. I continue cackling in to the night as I turn my sterile waste in his direction. A saline seltzer of chartreuse showers the unexpecting comrade, sending him reeling beneath the covers of his borrowed sleeping bag. I zip up and promptly leave the residence 16 ounces lighter and trek 2 miles home to my warm confines.

Good thing that I did, as my buddy said he resolved that he was going to stab me for said deed had I stayed the night. This dude had a troubled childhood, we had almost got in to fisticuffs long before we became friends for no reason at all, so I take him at his word that he was seeing red for seeing yellow.

Dude's been one of my best friends for the past 15 years. Moral of the story, don't let bodily fluids come between friendship.

I continue cackling in to the night as I turn my sterile waste in his direction. A saline seltzer of chartreuse showers the unexpecting comrade, sending him reeling beneath the covers of his borrowed sleeping bag.

A saline seltzer of chartreuse

 

[Mr. Mileena]

A strange moment for me is reading these stories posted in this thread and wondering if they actually happened or if they were made up.

lol

 

[Mikemetroid]

My mother was listing all these flavors of jelly beans that she got as a gift from a friend, instead of pina collatta she said Penis Allotta.

>mfw

>meme arrows

 

[Pikachu]

-Me and my ex saw Miami Vice at the movies.
-Sex scene comes up with Jamie Foxx.
-He pretends to cum early.
-Movie theater is dead silent.
-I've got a loud voice.
-And I blort out hella loud.
-Remember when that happend to me?
-Everybody hears it, laughs.
-Ex punched me.
-Never got to see the movie past that point.

 

[Pig Of The Hut]

Cant remember if i ever shared this before

Ok this one is very MK related but funny as hell when it happened:

Everyone remember TRUKING? He's my buddy who lived in atlanta and dominated at mkdc and umk3 so when he moved to Oregon i didnt realize he changed his cell phone number so i kept txting his old # thinking it was him i was txting

I quickly picked up on it when I got a "Who Dis?" response so i instantly as you can read began some fun.

FTR Truking would never ever ever say "Who Dis?" hence the "Love me" question i sent to i guess "her" to get maximum response and legs in conversation. I was hoping it go BF route

The rest is below

Please pay attention to times and dates because it happened three times i think because i kept txting the wrong #

 

[Sage Leviathan]

Ill just post the one thats on my dA page.

A friend of mine, Alyssa, laughed and asked me to give her a high five.
With a wide and jovial grin, she raised her palm in patience of my response

I high fived her, and this is her literal, unedited follow-up:

"DONT YOU F8CKING TOUCH ME"

And then she sprinted away.