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Dyzvhtynzal

Dyzvhtynzal

Kombatant
Short story no. 1 seemed to be written very well, but it was boring. That said, your command of language seems superb. I can't argue with your word choices. Great work.
 
Dyzvhtynzal

Dyzvhtynzal

Kombatant
Summertime purgatory is also excellent. My favorite. Wow. Well done. I'm not ashamed or embarrassed to say you're a much better writer than me. You are probably smarter too. I'm fine with that. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
 
D

Deleted member 28105

Guest
Dyzvhtynzal said:
Summertime purgatory is also excellent. My favorite. Wow. Well done. I'm not ashamed or embarrassed to say you're a much better writer than me. You are probably smarter too. I'm fine with that. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
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I appreciate the feedback. Now I remember why I liked having your revision here, you're honest and don't cushion anything. Never been published, only kicked off writing in the beginning of the semester this year.

Beyond that, thanks for catching those errors, already made the changes! I wrote most of this stuff under the impression that I'd be the only one to ever read it so I slacked on the proofreading. I'd love to run some stuff by one of you crazies in the future if you'd feel so inclined.

P.s. Your I share your thoughts about "humanity," it was my first gonzo journalism attempt, and my next sober day I myself was wondering what the hell I was thinking.
 
Dyzvhtynzal

Dyzvhtynzal

Kombatant
It seems every story (or potential story) has to have twins in it. I'm guilty of this too. Interesting names. I like Vitogon. 'm not sure of the traits you ascribed to Alec though. The others seem fine for the most part. I'm not going to complain that much when you're still organizing your thoughts. We'll see if they hold. I mention Alec because he fears physical and emotional confrontation. If that's true, i can't see him as cocky, rude, or even outgoing. He is a coward according to your notes.

And, if the old man has four wargs, is he truly solitary?

Thanks for sharing. Post when you've written a few pages.
 
CrazyFingers

CrazyFingers

The Power of Lame Compels You
Dyzvhtynzal said:
It seems every story (or potential story) has to have twins in it. I'm guilty of this too. Interesting names. I like Vitogon. 'm not sure of the traits you ascribed to Alec though. The others seem fine for the most part. I'm not going to complain that much when you're still organizing your thoughts. We'll see if they hold. I mention Alec because he fears physical and emotional confrontation. If that's true, i can't see him as cocky, rude, or even outgoing. He is a coward according to your notes.

And, if the old man has four wargs, is he truly solitary?

Thanks for sharing. Post when you've written a few pages.
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It's more solitary towards the outside world. It's him and his wargs and that's it. As far as Alec's cowardly nature paired with being cocky and outgoing, it's fake confidence. It's giving off the appearance of being cocky and brave when he's actually scared shitless.
 
scarsunseen

scarsunseen

Miley Cyrax®
Dyzvhtynzal said:
I created some fine synthwave tunes on MTV Music Generator back in 1999/2000. Even made CDs. But enough of my closest friends were not impressed that I threw them away. I'd give anything to hear them now.
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Aww I would have loved to have heard them. I love synthwave. Anyways, I don't wanna derail this thread. Feel free to send me a private message any time. I love music talk!
 
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