Hello everyone. My name is Rozalin, though my friends call me Roz or Rozzy. I've been at a loss as to what to do as of late, so maybe I can find some help here.
See, my long time best friend, Kitana, has been suffering from trauma for the last year and a half. There's no delicate way to put it, so I will simply say it: her sister likes to eat her. Not in a oh-my-god-I've-had-too-much-to-drink-and-feel-experimental kind of way, but in the face eating, flossing with her intestines kind of way. No matter what Kitana does to try to stop her, ol' Milly just keeps eating her.
I don't wish Milly any harm. I don't! She's, like, the younger, dumpster baby sister I never had! I just wish she'd go on a diet for a while, try eating some greens for a change. Reptile and D'Vorah sound nutritious. Heard Predator was good for the skin. Stay away from Alien though -- that burns on the way out worse than breakfast at Taco Bell with a prune juice chaser. I keep telling her, "Milly! You have to stop eating Kitana so much! It's all going to end up in your ass. No one is going to want to see you in your vampire costume if you could use your ass-crack as a landing strip for Air Force One!"
She doesn't listen, like any bitter sister would. Kitana once told me that when they were children, there was this accident of sorts. Something about Kitana practicing her square wave then accidentally flying chin first into Milly's face, leaving her teeth perma-jacked like John Elway if he had gingivitis. Milly has held a grudge ever since.
Today was the worst though. Milly just taunted her. "You'll make a nice snack!" she said. Despite my efforts to advise Kitana against her sister, Milly ate her again and again. "Tasty!" she gloated. Kitana was morally defeated, like that time her old boyfriend Liu Kang pulled some beady things out of her butt like he was rip-starting his lawnmower. You know, the kind of burn you can only get when your one of your sorority girls named Tanya puts Icy Hot in your shampoo. Only it's in your butt.
But I digress.
Kitana is traumatized. Every time she hears a woman say "delicious!" or a man shouting "waataaah!", she starts convulsing, dropping combos, pressing buttons, etc. I don't know what to do anymore! All she wants is to be able to stand up to her sister, to punish that dumb telekick without having to be frame perfect in an online environment every time. To once in a while prevent herself from getting eaten, give Milly a Pretty Kick to the shin, and deliver an awesome zinger like, "Yo, eat it!"
She tells me to walk away from it all, to find someone else to advise. But like any bad relationship built on five pounds of cocaine and too many sex toys, I just can't. I won't walk away, no matter how much it hurts to see her be eaten. I <3 you Kitana! We'll get through this, I know it.
*sheds tear*
and go to ceo you scroob.
but were managing. It's sad but gotta move on. Maybe someday..
