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AeroGrunt

Stay Puft
Post hem or PM them. I promise I wont steal them.:)
What ideas?
All kinds of stuff really. I carry a notebook with me everywhere I go so it's filled with random ideas and thoughts. Maybe I should try to look for ones I like and try to combine them into one story. I haven't written anything in quite a while, seeing this thread pop up again makes me want to go at it again.

Edit: I've said this before in this thread probably but most of the stuff I write I do with the mentality that if it turns out good I'll turn it into a short film. So I kind of limit what I can write a lot, keeping the budget and locations in mind.
 

CCVengeance

The one guy hoping for Kai
All kinds of stuff really. I carry a notebook with me everywhere I go so it's filled with random ideas and thoughts. Maybe I should try to look for ones I like and try to combine them into one story. I haven't written anything in quite a while, seeing this thread pop up again makes me want to go at it again.

Edit: I've said this before in this thread probably but most of the stuff I write I do with the mentality that if it turns out good I'll turn it into a short film. So I kind of limit what I can write a lot, keeping the budget and locations in mind.
Im with you, bro.
Im trying to focus on my Flintlock Fantasy story but the Dracula Untold trailer gave some ideas for a more traditional sword and sorcery story. I do not wish to mix the 2, however, because thematically they do not fit( The Former is action adventure while the latter would be "Lovecraftian Medieval Horror").
 

CCVengeance

The one guy hoping for Kai
@CCVengeance
Finish your damn story so I can read it :3

Im working on a creative piece thats going to take a lot of effort, involving dreams, social psychology, the nature of an eccentric, and exaggerated mental conditions. Safe to say its really fun to work on, and I might post a small excerpt here soon.
You'll have to wait like a year before my story is done.
 
I've sent out a 100 messages to people on my psn list. hopefully that'll help me out, or bring others to our dark corner over here to maybe help you.
 
Had an amazing dream last night......one of those long ones that seem to go on forever. it's funny how they are more exciting than movies, or even real life sometimes. that's dmt i guess. anyway, i didn't write shit down and most of that stuff is lost forever. according to physicists information is never lost. nice to know. would love to experience some of that craziness again. the nuclear war dreams are my favorite ones. i swear......i think every single person on this planet could write a story based on a dream that would destroy anything writers can put together now. they're just too powerful. they're perfect. saddest thing is......they can never be completely shared.
 

TheGabStandard

The anticipation is killing me
Had an amazing dream last night......one of those long ones that seem to go on forever. it's funny how they are more exciting than movies, or even real life sometimes. that's dmt i guess. anyway, i didn't write shit down and most of that stuff is lost forever. according to physicists information is never lost. nice to know. would love to experience some of that craziness again. the nuclear war dreams are my favorite ones. i swear......i think every single person on this planet could write a story based on a dream that would destroy anything writers can put together now. they're just too powerful. they're perfect. saddest thing is......they can never be completely shared.
I agree with that. One of the side stories/series I'm working on was inspired from a dream I had
 

CCVengeance

The one guy hoping for Kai
Had an amazing dream last night......one of those long ones that seem to go on forever. it's funny how they are more exciting than movies, or even real life sometimes. that's dmt i guess. anyway, i didn't write shit down and most of that stuff is lost forever. according to physicists information is never lost. nice to know. would love to experience some of that craziness again. the nuclear war dreams are my favorite ones. i swear......i think every single person on this planet could write a story based on a dream that would destroy anything writers can put together now. they're just too powerful. they're perfect. saddest thing is......they can never be completely shared.
I constantly dream of being naked. Sometimes it gets X-Rated, and not in the way I like.
 

CCVengeance

The one guy hoping for Kai
More writing exercises
Isarius vs Malak

“M’lord.” Sennil asked. “I must ask you once again. Is this wise? We have more than enough evidence to condemn Malak at court. No need to recklessly endanger your life.’’

‘’Dear Sen” The prince put his hand in his companion’s shoulder. “Trust me, or at least, trust my blade.’’ Isarius drew his sword from his scabbard.

‘’For it will strike true’’. He turned away and walked into the opening.

Across from him, at least 20 paces, was Malak. He was tall, towering over all present. His limbs were long like branches and he was thin as a skeleton. Yet despite his unhealthy appearance he carried a heavy longsword as if it was a stick. Malak looked at Isarius and moved forward, a sickening smile plastered on his face, making his skin look like nothing but a lamina over a skull.

“Malak of Chesten’s”, Isarius shouted to make sure everyone heard. “You stand accused of theft and murder. Your judgment is to be carried out in single combat.”

Both men came to a stop 5 paces from one another. “If I kill you, you are guilty. If you kill me, you are free.’’

“So hurry up and die!” Malak screamed as he swung his sword forward, nearly reaching the prince. A second swing was met with Isarius’s silver plated shield.

The force of impact made Isarius stumble backwards, but quickly he retook his footing. Malak rushed forward, half way through a horizontal swing. Isarius attacked in turn, the blades rippling sparks upon impact. He stumbled again.

“Come on!”, said Malak, ‘’Let me wipe that noble smug off ya’ mug!”.

Another attack, followed by half a dozen. Isarius did nothing but defend himself. Malak’s limbs gave his sword the reach of a spear, putting the prince at a disadvantage. Fear crept into him, like cold pikes stabbing all across his back. He could lose.

Malak leapt into the air, bringing down the sword like a lightning bolt. Isarius could barely dodge it, the splinted ground dirtying his legs. He could lose, He would lose.

“No”, he whispered. Another swing reaching for his neck. He parried it without a thought.

This time it was Malak who stumbled, his surprised clear on his bony face. Like a lion Isarius attacked, his blade like a whirlpool. A dozen slashes nearly landing on the skeletal giant.

“Bastard!” Malak stabbed out in desperation, the reach making Isarius jump back.

At that moment a strange sensation filled him. Malak ran at him like a bull. He lowered his body and walked forward, avoiding the attack. I am stronger than him, Isarius thought.

This was not arrogance or silent motivation. It was a fact now. They could have fight a hundred times, a thousand even. The result would be the same. His wish made him the strongest, and now he knew it was fulfilled.

“Die!” the scream came from behind. He lowered his body again, making the swing miss. He spun and stabbed, the tip meeting Malak’s shoulder. Isarius clawed out and grabbed Malak, dragging him closer.

He slammed his shield across his exposed face, the strike breaking his nose. A second hit blew out his teeth in a flood of blood. Malak dropped his weapon, followed by his own body. He landed flat on his back panting in agony. Isarius brought his sword down on his throat, caressing the skin.

In that moment he looked into Malak’s eyes, fear adorning them. He looked to the crowd, faces full of shock and disbelief. He came upon Sennil, his jaw tight and eyes filled with dread. Don’t do it, they said. He looked down on Malak once more.

“Guilty.” He pressed the blade into Malak’s neck. The blood spat out, painting the glittering metal into rusted crimson.

TO BE CONTINUED…..
 
It'll be good when you clean up the grammar. Lots of mistakes. Very first word should have a ? after it.Commas and quotes misplaced often.you probably already know.......
Just trying to be helpful. The story will always be more enjoyable if it's correct in form.


I liked your first piece much more.
 
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Wait a second......Isarius could just wish stuff and it comes true? If so, why did he feel uncertain during battle then? Where did that sensation that changed everything come from?

Also, is Isarius a lord or a prince? Or both?
 
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CCVengeance

The one guy hoping for Kai
Wait a second......Isarius could just wish stuff and it comes true? If so, why did he feel uncertain during battle then? Where did that sensation that changed everything come from?

Also, is Isarius a lord or a prince? Or both?
He is a prince. long story short he made a bloodpact in exchange for becoming the best fighter in the land. That's why he challenged Malak to a trial by combat, in order to test his power.
 

CCVengeance

The one guy hoping for Kai
So whats the proper way to say connect dialogue?
Like this:
"Hey!", the man shouted, 'Whay are you doing here?".
Or:
'Hey!"the man shouted. "What are you doing here?''
Or is it different?
And what about this:
Blood spat out, painting the shimmering steel to rusted crimson.
or:
Blood spat out painting the shimmering steel to rusted crimson.
 

TheGabStandard

The anticipation is killing me
why aren't you in here posting stuff then lol.
Haven't been writing for a while as been training for tourneys. What I will do is post a scene from the main story I'm working on (not the one that's dream inspired) dor criticism. Just keep reminding me to post it incase i forget :)
 
I'd keep the comma for the second pair if I was writing. That's just me. I'm happy that I haven't seen any semicolons though. From what I've read, they're supposed to be avoided in fiction.

As for that sensation......I thought in might be a burst of adrenalin (Fight or Flight response even) Isarius was experiencing.
 
Been fixing up my story. Have a few questions.

I have replaced all occurrences of King or Lord with king or lord.The only time I use uppercase is when the last name is attached, (e.g. King Mazzura. Are there cases when 'King' can be okay just by itself?

Next,
"Get back to work," King Mazzura said.
vs
"Get back to work," the king said.
Both are correct, but is there a specific instance when i should use one over the other, or is it just preference?

Finally,When I refer to Rycho as a commander, should I use Commander Rycho or Commander Mazzura? If the latter is the case, I'm gonna have to make a lot of changes in names. For another example, Commander Zarik would have to become Commander Rizzler, since that's the last name I gave him (so far). Right?

Oh, and one more thing... should i even refer to the king or lord by their first names, other than maybe introducing them? Or is that preference too? I just like seeing Ramishi or Domikkar in the text here and there. Bad idea or what?
 
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I've read a bit on 'said' vs 'asked' as well. Basically I use my own judgement, but it's probably safer (I'm guessing) to use 'asked' when a question is produced. I don't always do this though.

"Who's there?" Phorminza said.
vs
"Who's there?" Phorminza asked.

Sometimes, I think sticking with said just moves things along easier.
 

CCVengeance

The one guy hoping for Kai
Its fine to call him Commander Mazorral The reader wont be confused if they are paying attention and they ahould be paying it.
Yes use the first name when announcing the kings and lords.
 
I'm not so sure CCVengeance. It can get crazy out there when different names that signify the same person are being tossed around. i'm going to try and avoid confusion by using one designated name almost exclusively. That's just me. Considering the wacky names in my story, i think this would only be appreciated by a reader.
 

CCVengeance

The one guy hoping for Kai
But if the King and Commander are related then there shouldnt be confusion since the conclusion would be they are family.
 
I meant going from King Mazzura to Ramishi and back again. I do that quite a few times. With others too. Just think that there's potential for confusion if a writer isn't careful, that's all.
 
Anyone have issues with my story? Tell me. That's why I posted it. Let me ask again......
What adjectives don't work? I'm going to read that message again.
 
1) Again, the setting is not good or bad. I don't even know where that question came from now that I think about it.

2) The clans/tribes ARE intelligent. I never said they were peaceful.

3) I used disgusting to describe the Damadians, not the clans/tribes. This is clear.

4) I used the word 'suspicious' to describe the lakes of the region.....as if you could FEEL there could be something hiding underneath them.

5) I never use the word 'horrible' in the story. I suggest a horrifying solution, but that has nothing to do with the clans/tribes. ???

You guys can do better. I think.