What's new

Talking to girls/dating/advice

AK Vip3r

Ghost of Vip3r
A little advice here and there is good but, you are your own person and need to act accordingly. Choosing to do what others have said takes away from the "you" factor since you are using advice from others.

The best advice is just to not be overbearing, dont be a douche, and treat her with the same respect you would treat your mother(Under the assumption you have a good mom). Also, do little things that show you like her. like dinner dates YOU pay for, buy some flowers, just not red roses as those represent love, and make her physically aware you have feelings towards her. Most girls tend to respect a guy who can be upfront and say they like said girl.

I've had my fair share of heartbreaks and this is what I've found useful through my experiences.
God has blessed me with the wonderful lady I've had in my life for nearly the past 11 months and I hope things bode well in your favor also with this girl that you are talking about!
 

Slips

Feared by dragons. Desired by virgins.
I'm just trying to be as careful as possible, I really want her and I don't want to blow this up...</3
This right here will probably be your downfall. You care too much. When you want something so bad you put a ton of pressure on yourself when the opportunity comes. You start playing it 'safe' and try not to say or do anything that is too outlandish cause you just wanna make sure you don't screw it up.

Problem is if you do this you'll come across as boring. The main thing is to be yourself like other people have said in this thread. Treat her and talk to her like you do your best friend or your little sister. Not like she's the girl of your dreams. If she likes you for who you are, then your gold. If not, then you know if you would've played it safe you weren't gonna go anywhere anyway in the long run and you would've saved yourself a lot of time and heartache.

Your friends are talking about turning off your instincts in regards to doing nice things for her. Which is correct. We men, are logical creatures and if we want someone to like us it makes sense to be nice to them. Unfortunately, it doesn't work like that. Girls know when you aren't being yourself and when your trying to cover up your true personality by feeding her compliments and buying her shit. So don't do that.

You can't force girls to like you. All you an do is be yourself and do your thing. Show that you don't give a fuck what she thinks about you and your gonna say and act how you want. Usually that alone gets enough respect from a girl that she'll give you a good pitch to hit.
 
In general, from what I've seen, guys usually don't get the girl they have a fixated crush on, probably b/c of the aforementioned pressure and inclination to start acting weird. It happens, but usually not. Your mind gets all strange and it is like a "Something About Mary" situation. Also, like guys, girls often have a type of guy they like, which is beyond your control. So, she might like guys who are taller or shorter, lighter or darker, buffer or skinnier, or whatever than you are. No amount of plotting is going to make you her type if you already aren't, so might as well find out.

In general, I'd say the grand gestures don't work. Showing up at the local hangout spot with a dozen roses and reciting a poem has the potential to be awkward, put her on the spot, embarrass her, etc. Don't make a spectacle. Plus, women like confidence and when you are too fixated on her, you lose that and go into desperation, which is not attractive. Or worse, you seem psycho-stalker.

When you are fixated on one chick, it is tough because of the number of dudes in the world. When you are open to any chick, it is easier, because of the number of chicks in the world.

The best pick-up line is still "Hi." Don't let it fester and build-up into something weird. Put on a decent shirt, some nice shoes, a little gunk in your hair, a very small splash of cologne, and go up to her the next time you see her and say, "Hi." See if you can get into a conversation with her. Read if she is interested in talking to you or not. As was mentioned, don't just blather on yourself, but let her talk. People like to talk about themselves, so get her to talk about herself and ask follow-up questions. I've seen guys blow it with a girl by spending all their time talking to try to convince the girl how cool they are, when they would've been better served by shutting up and letting her get a word in at some point. Compliment her once on something, but nothing too obvious or dramatic. Like, don't tell her she has beautiful, soulful eyes. No, tell her you like her necklace or her nail polish or shoes or something, something that you do actually think is cool. See how she reacts. You should be able to tell from chatting with her whether she has any interest or not. There are signs. Eye contact is good. Smiling is good. Her asking you questions is good, shows she is interested in what you think. If you say something funny and she touches your arm when she laughs, that is a great sign. If she gives a one word response to every question you ask while looking away, that is not a good sign. At this point, all you've done is struck up a conversation, so you haven't really lost anything. If it seems to be going alright, ask her if she wants to do something with you sometime, in a way that shows you are interested in her, but won't be devastated if she says 'no' to you. Get it over with. If she says 'yes' then cool. If not, then you can work on getting over her and finding a girl who does want to hang out with you.
 

Skkra

PSN: Skkra
You can't force girls to like you. All you an do is be yourself and do your thing.
booivi - this is pretty much it. This is why when anyone ever gives you advice to not be yourself, you should instantly ignore it. Because either...
1) the chick smells the phony on you and its GG or
2) you build the entire relationship around a fake version of yourself

The nicest thing about being in a relationship is finding someone awesome who you can be 110% yourself with.
 

booivi

Good Game :)
Guys, I was friends with her back in HS(freshman year). We're both fresh out of HS now. And she's not the type that goes out to clubs, parties or anything like that. And I've lately only talked to her through Facebook. We've been talking for about a week now(facebook)... How should I go into inviting her to the movies or something like that, also she loves Starbucks. I wish I could screenshot our conversations so you guys can give me some more in-depth advice. But that's too much work, and no time atm.

Edit: I don't have her number and I wouldn't want to straight up ask her for it, it's not going to work out. I feel that inviting her to a place through Facebook is stupid, but for now I think it's the only way. She's also going to a local college sometime late August, and I've been having this fear that some dude is going to randomly hit on her and stay with her..:(
 

VOR

Noob
Instead of being "nice" focus a little more on being "pleasant" "confident" "funny". Nice just has a bad connotation that you wanna stay away from. She'll be nice to you when she realizes that you're not a creepy jerk, if that is indeed the case. You have to go trhough a screening process these days because dudes are crazy. Just ask her to go somewhere with you. Keep it light and fun. Ask her to go out with you 2 days from now. That way you're kind of spontaneous, but it's not too short notice. That'll give her some anticipation. Make her giggle and turn the lightness into heaviness when you slap her with your man meat.
 
That's pretty good if you are already talking to her and have some connection. I think most dating these days is arranged through Facebook and such. I think asking a girl for her phone number is sort of out-of-date these days. The danger is getting stuck in the 'just a friend' department. On the one hand, I agree with the person who said that you should approach these things with a willingness to be just friends, but the longer you sleep on your feelings and just chit-chat with her about the weather, the greater the chance you will be thought of as just a friend.

The way to ask her out is to just ask her out, bro. Yeah, just message her and ask if she wants to meet up at Starbucks for coffee sometime. At some point you just have to go for it. "He who hesitates, masturbates." You can't wait around forever for her to make the first move, a lot of girls won't. If she has no interest in meeting up for coffee, she probably has no interest in anything more. If you meet up for coffee and things go well, ask her at the end of the evening if she wants to catch a movie with you sometime. Say something like, "Well, I've really enjoyed our conversation and getting to talk face-to-face. Maybe we can continue chatting this weekend and catch a movie."

DO NOT post screenshots of your conversations! That's creepy. That's the Something About Mary thinking.
DO listen to "Hey Jude" a couple of times.
 

booivi

Good Game :)
That's pretty good if you are already talking to her and have some connection. I think most dating these days is arranged through Facebook and such. I think asking a girl for her phone number is sort of out-of-date these days. The danger is getting stuck in the 'just a friend' department. On the one hand, I agree with the person who said that you should approach these things with a willingness to be just friends, but the longer you sleep on your feelings and just chit-chat with her about the weather, the greater the chance you will be thought of as just a friend.

The way to ask her out is to just ask her out, bro. Yeah, just message her and ask if she wants to meet up at Starbucks for coffee sometime. At some point you just have to go for it. "He who hesitates, masturbates." You can't wait around forever for her to make the first move, a lot of girls won't. If she has no interest in meeting up for coffee, she probably has no interest in anything more. If you meet up for coffee and things go well, ask her at the end of the evening if she wants to catch a movie with you sometime. Say something like, "Well, I've really enjoyed our conversation and getting to talk face-to-face. Maybe we can continue chatting this weekend and catch a movie."

DO NOT post screenshots of your conversations! That's creepy. That's the Something About Mary thinking.
DO listen to "Hey Jude" a couple of times.
I like your advice...anyways you know what I was thinking of doing? I was thinking of pressing the "Give Gift" button on her profile and buying one of those digital $5 Starbuck codes. And maybe go from there...
 
I've always found it hard to avoid the cliche routes of "What are you doing this weekend?" My job doesn't have me in a workplace where I get to know other people, and I'm not in college so I find me having to approach strangers. That's kinda hard do deal with myself since I dislike random people coming up to me, so to put myself in her shoes...

But I mean most people just tell me "Just ask and be confident" but I'm not sure how sound that is. I don't want to look like an ass asking a cashier girl "What are you doing this weekend?" in front of everyone and getting the run around or a soft letdown. It's just a matter of no real confidence and not wanting a "no" really for me. I would resort to talking to old high school girls on Facebook, but most of them are married/have kids/both.
 

booivi

Good Game :)
My heart's aching just thinking about her, I'm in love:rolleyes:. I would literally post some pictures of me and her if I'm successful, or just make it my new Avatar.
 

Odoyle

Drops combos
Work out and be confident. If she puts you in the friend zone, leave her life immediately.
 
I like your advice...anyways you know what I was thinking of doing? I was thinking of pressing the "Give Gift" button on her profile and buying one of those digital $5 Starbuck codes. And maybe go from there...
No don't. What I would do is tell her that you would:
A) like to meet her face-to-face because [reason] (I use "internet is strange and I'm an old man who doesn't use technology", which gets laughs)
B) like to see a certain movie. Perfect segue into asking her to join you
C) like to do something fun because you're having a boring summer. Again, ask her to join you.
NOTE: Have the event in mind. They hate indecisive people. It gets boring.

This will be rough, but there's only one solution. Don't do any strange internet gifts. You really need to steel yourself and just ask her after a setup. DO NOT DROP YOUR COMBO IN THE HEAT OF THE MOMENT. Talk normally, control yoself, and make it count. Really prepare for her to say no. If she denies, it's okay, and you can still talk to her if you really want to. You were just casually asking her to join you for a fun thing. You can then see who does want to hang out with you. If she says yes, then great!

Hope this helps, d00d.
You can't avoid confrontation of some sort. If you really want this, just prepare and ask.
Good luck!
 

VOR

Noob
I disagree, sorry.


It's better to stay away from a gimmick like this, because it could present you as being unable to ask her out in a more straight forward way. She will either appreciate you asking her out, or she won't. You won't be able to change her mind or even impress her by starting off with buying her something. If she didn't have feelings for you before, you will be even deeper in the friend zone. if she did, she will view a gift as being unnecessary, and you will seem less sure of yourself. Be warned, it's not worth it.
 

CURBOLICOUS

Cage ban wagon?
I decided to make a thread here on the "off-topic discussion" section to simply hear some of your opinions/thoughts about my case...
Ok so I've had some friends who have told me to never follow your instincts when talking or being around a girl. However, I've been having trouble with that because if I think of something nice to do for a girl should I do it? Isn't that considered an instinct? So my question is how do you know whether it's something she'll appreciate or not? Not sure if this has anything to do with the way I should treat/approach her but she's a very shy one.
Wait so is this a girl you know/been talking to or are you trying to get a girl that you've had your eye on?
 

booivi

Good Game :)
Y'all are right. Shit...idk what to do. Like I said we've been talking for about a week already and i'm not sure if that's too much chit-chat or not. I definitely don't want her to view me as a "friend". Idk guys i'm freaking pressured and stressed.
 

booivi

Good Game :)
Wait so is this a girl you know/been talking to or are you trying to get a girl that you've had your eye on?
Well I technically knew her back in Freshmen year, she was my friend's friend and we hung out together. I just recently added her on FB this summer and we've started talking and she remembers me..