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I just read the 'The Artifact' again. What was that other story called that had some object in it a woman was trying to steal???
 

CCVengeance

The one guy hoping for Kai
I had no idea this thread existed!
I'm an aspiring comicbook and prose writer. I am currently writing scripts for a comic with my artist father and I am trying to work out a ''Flintlock Fantasy'' novel.
 

Zoidberg747

My blades will find your heart
I finally finished the second part of my Artifact story, going to go ahead and post up the first part in case someone didn't read it.

The Artifact

The year was 2068. The first contact from extraterrestrial life was made on December 14th, when an encrypted message was picked up by the Assad. What ensued after was a long history of diplomacy, warring, and an eventual pact between the vast amounts of species that inhabited neighboring galaxies. The product of this cease fire was the Galactic Peacekeeping Agency, which was responsible for maintaining relations and enforcing galactic laws created by the Agency. The organization was successful at first, with little to no conflict reported between 3450 and 3550. However, the introduction of a new barbaric species, the Vengans, threw the galaxies into chaos. Planets were pillaged and sometimes destroyed. Some species were almost completely annihilated, while others lost their homes. Many looked to the Agency for aid, but it had been dealing with its own issues.

At this same time, there were reports of corruption high in the ranks of the Agency. Some planets were forced to pay exuberant tax rates, and there had been increasing reports of Agency officers committing heinous crimes, often without punishment. Eventually planets started to break away from the Agency altogether, and some even united to rebel and try and disrupt Agency operations. This group was later named The Dissenters, although they did not formally recognize the name. The Dissenters goal was not to start a war, as there were far too few of them to take on the Agency. However, they did all they could to distract the Agency from more pressing matters. Destroying trade barges, boarding civilian ships and stealing all cargo aboard, attacking mining and energy facilities on their home planets. Originally, The Dissenters proclaimed themselves a non-violent organization, but their disgruntled members became increasingly more aggressive and began to target Agency officers. Eventually, their peaceful protests turned into volatile terrorism, killing numerous soldiers and civilians alike.

The Agency eventually decided it would be necessary to start training elite military groups to deal with these dangers. Millions of beings were taken from their homes and placed in a military school, and within ten years the Agency had built a formidable army. The Dissenters were relentlessly hunted for five years, and the Vengans were forced back to their own galaxy. Although Dissenters are more cautious about their acts, they still occasionally come out to cause more havoc. The Vengans were dormant for a time, but within a few years they had come back to resume their destructive ways.

The most elite military group the Agency employed was named the Feral Five. It consisted of only the most formidable fighters in the galaxies, and only was used for the most important missions the Agency had. The leader of this group, Captain Amax, was a Degassan. A nomadic bird-like species that thrived in arid climates, the Degassans were one of the species that became Dissenters. Amax did not agree with the Dissenters violent tactics, and opted to enroll in Agency military school instead. His second in command was Elsir, a Madrelan. A warrior-like feline species, the Madrelans are known for their aggression and fighting ability. Elsir was taken in by Amax after he found her in a city raided by Vengans. He raised her and enrolled her in military school as soon as she was eligible. She graduated at the top of her class and was immediately placed in team Sigma Six. The third member to be placed was Yuquiss, an Elassi. Elassi’s were extremely agile, jumping higher and sprinting faster than any race that existed at the time. Yuquiss was very adept in battle, but got into trouble often due to his arrogance. Shortly after Yuquiss joined the ranks, two more beings were instated. Obhegnar the Sonzarian, an imp-like race that employed the use of high tech battle armor in combat. And lastly, a human had been placed into the team. John Rogers was not an ordinary human however, as his father was a Boshannon, or a being that could read minds and translate all alien languages. It wasn’t until a year later where they met a Deshaliak, a hooded mutant race, who had hijacked an Agency ship and had taken the crew hostage. After what seemed like hours of fighting, he finally came face to face with Amax. The two instantly recognized each other, although how they had met was never revealed to the rest of the team. Instead of arresting him, Amax offered him a spot on the squad, claiming his telekinetic powers would prove to be very useful. The Agency accepted, partly due to Amax leaving out how they had found him, and the team was renamed the Sigma Six. These six soldiers were the most elite combat group the Agency created, and had single-handedly repelled many Vengan attacks. They are only called upon in situations thought to be of grave Importance by the Agency.

Now it was 3570, and there had been a year of peace. Sigma Six was sent back to their home planets, and the armed forces had been greatly reduced. Things stayed relatively silent until a massive mining operation on Surilia sent out a distress signal. Surilia had been the Agency’s main source of Icrium, the element used to power entire planets. Fearing a resurge of the Dissenters, the Agency called Sigma Six to action. What they didn’t know was that the culprits were not Dissenters, but something much more sinister.


***

He looked out the window and stared at all the wonderful sights. The bright red and blue stars that each looked like a mini sun. Planets that looked as if they were bigger than the entire universe itself. Meteorites drifted through the air at a snail’s pace, creating a sea of rock. Finally, John caught his first glance of Surilia. There was a thick fog enshrouding the planet, although you could still see the neon green rivers flowing through it. The rivers were so bright that you could see how each one connected to the other. He remembered reading about it in school, how each river was connected to each other, something that had never been seen on another planet. He also remembered it being one of the most dangerous environments in the galaxies. The rivers were made of pure Icrium, an extremely acidic yet vital element. The Icrium had become the premier fuel source for most of the galaxies. It also had the tendency to evaporate due to Surilia’s constantly changing climates, which caused the thick cloud of fog. The rain was like acid rain, except ten times more deadly. The air was not fit to breathe due to the vapors. So many workers had died on the planet trying to collect the Icrium, but they had never shut the extraction sites down. The Icrium was so vital that the sacrifice of hundreds of lives was justified in the eyes of the Agency. John couldn’t help but think of all those who have lost their lives on this very planet that he were about to land on. He heard a faint voice in the background but he ignored it as usual, he did not feel up to reading thoughts. He realized that this was the first time he feared the planet itself more than what was on it.

“John!”

His concentration broken, John sighed and looked over at Elsir, who must have been calling him all this time.

“Sorry, I was just…”

“This debriefing is important, I suggest you pay close attention,” interrupted Amax.

“We received a distress signal from an Icricorp official yesterday at approximately 20:13. All that could be made out of the transmission was the phrase ‘Need Help’. The Agency believes it to be another Dissenter attack. To tell you the truth, this seems unlikely. They do not ever come out this far and are not adequately equipped to even land on Surilia. I fear this may be something even more dangerous.”

“Vengan?” Yuquiss inquired.

The room fell silent, and a touch of fear could be seen in the eyes of some of the soldiers.

“I…I don’t know. We should be prepared for anything. Our objective is to locate the extraction site and eliminate any unwanted guests.”

“We should also be on the lookout for workers right? I mean, some of them could have survived,” interjected Obhegnar.

“Good point. You and Yuquiss are to search for any survivors and bring them back to the ship. I, John, Elsir, and Tulan will head to the site to figure out what the hell happened. I shouldn’t have to tell you how many dangers lurk on this planet, so be careful. Let’s get ready for the landing.”

And with that, the team scrambled back into the control room and took their seats.

***

As the ship slowly descended, John could see the rivers getting closer and closer. With each few meters he was able to see the details of the terrain; barren ground with dead soil, bubbles coming up out of the river. He even thought he saw something moving in the water, but had hoped his eyes were playing tricks on him.

When the ship finally landed the two parties split up. The team was heading toward the extraction site when John heard faint voices. He signaled to the rest of the group to stop, and waited until the voices became clearer.

“Ki….Ki…..Ki….Ki…Ki,” was all he could hear. The others looked at him quizzically, but trusted that he wasn’t just losing his mind. His heart froze as the syllables finally formed words.

“Kill…Kill…Kill…Kill,” said the voices, getting louder as they got closer.

“Hostiles coming straight at us sir!”

John tried to warn the others. But before anyone could react a horrible worm like creature jumped straight out of the water, coming at John with terrifying speed. He saw its mouth open to reveal five rows of razor sharp teeth, with strands of green slobber flowing down its mouth. It emitted an ear shattering shriek that left John completely stunned. As it grew closer he knew he wouldn’t have enough time to raise his gun, knew he didn’t even have time to step out of the way. Time seemed to slow down as his life flashed before his eyes, patiently waiting for the bitter end. The worm stopped right before it came upon his face, the creature’s breath like a wave of noxious gas. Then in a split second it was flown into the air and torn completely in half, leaving green goop raining down on the team. When John wiped off his eyes he saw Tulan standing two feet away from him, his eyes bright red and his hands glowing. After everyone had time to shake off what had just happened, Amax signaled for the group to start moving.

The team trekked on for what seemed like an eternity. Tulan and John were walking along before John finally spoke up.

“I never thanked you for what you did back there”

Tulan turned to face him, nothing visible under his cloak except for his eyes. “A dead friend is a useless one”.

That made John chuckle a little bit. Tulan certainly had a way with words. Although Tulan hardly ever spoke, he had begun to grow an appreciation for the rest of the team. John remembered when they first met, and how Tulan had tried to kill him. He remembered having Tulan surrounded, only to be thrown back against the wall. He could hear his own ribs cracking when he hit the wall. Eventually they had cornered him, but John couldn’t remember a tougher fight in all of his years of service. Although they had met in less than pleasant circumstances, John and Tulan quickly began to become close. Although he would never admit it, Tulan couldn’t have been happier to find somewhere he fit in, since Deshaliaks were often outcast due to their grotesque features. Even if his tone always seemed a bit sarcastic, John knew that Tulan would always have his back, and vice versa.

***

Yuquiss and Obhegnar had come upon a worker camp within the first few miles. When the camp came in view they had quickly realized this would not be a rescue mission. Bodies littered the ground all around them. Whatever had attacked this camp had completely torn apart anything in their path. Yuquiss tried to turn on his com to warn the others, but all he got was static.

“Fantastic,” he grunted. Before he could do anything else he heard a number of howls over the hill up ahead. Within seconds he could see the shadows of creatures running toward him. He looked quickly back at Obhegnar who was already charging his laser cannon. Yuquiss pulled out his Proton Pistol and waited patiently for the creatures could come into view.

As he watched the shadows started to take shape into an all too familiar form. There must have been at least 50 of them, coming at them full speed. They were big as Obhegnar, running on all fours. Almost like a pack of rabid dogs, except they were twice as big and had jaws twice as large as any other canine species. Yuquiss remembered reading about them, a race called the Dogirans. According to the books they were thought to be extinct for thousands of years, but his eyes didn’t lie. He suddenly realized he would have to figure out their strange occurrence after he stopped them from tearing him to pieces.

Obhegnar was the first to fire his cannon into the swarm. Ten Dogirans were caught in the blast and were set ablaze, their howls turning into high-pitched yelps as they fell to the ground. Yuquiss started firing as well, but the proton beam didn’t seem to faze them. He panicked, wondering how he was going to stop these things. Then he remembered the river that was only a few hundred feet behind him.

“Hey O, follow me,” Yuquiss called out, only to be met with a puzzled look from the Sonzarian. Thankfully he didn’t have time to argue and started sprinting to keep up with the Elassi. Eventually they reached a dead end, the river at their backs.

“What are we going to do now?” Obhegnar asked.

“You still have those jetpacks in your boots right? Just wait until they get real close and jump as high as you can, trust me”

Obhegnar stared for a few seconds before finally nodding.

The pack drew nearer and nearer. The faces of the Dogirans started to light up as they got closer to their prey. They were only about a hundred feet from them now. Fifty…Twenty Five…Ten.

“Now!”

Yuquiss sprung up into the air, jumping straight over the pack. Obhegnar jumped and clicked his boots together, just before the jets in his feet sprung to life and shot him straight over the enemy. Yuquiss turned back to see the animals try and stop before they reached the edge, but they had been going too fast. Most ran straight into the toxic liquid, flailing and shrieking as their entire body melted by the caustic Icrium. He thought they may have been in the clear, but a few of the Dogirans had managed to stop in time to turn around and head back after them. There were now only five of them, but that didn’t really comfort Yuquiss. Obhegnar’s iron fist opened to create a laser axe, and Yuquiss pulled out a laser machete he had saved as a last resort. It looked like he wouldn’t be getting out of this fight.

Three of the Dogirans veered off to attack Obhegnar, while the remaining two headed straight for Yuquiss. One of them jumped straight at him, only to be met with a slash to the underbelly. The other clawed him in the shoulder, sending his armor flying and producing a stream of blue blood. Yuquiss winced but managed to react fast enough to cut off the other claw before it could hit. The Dogirans both reeled back in pain, but only for a moment. He had only made them angrier. They both pounced immediately at Yuquiss. He quickly ducked and swung his machete in a wide upward arc. When the Dogirans landed their heads rolled past their bodies, and Yuquiss tried to wipe off the creature’s blood off of his face. He turned to see Obhegnar overwhelmed by three of the creatures. He saw his chest and back open to reveal a set of missiles, and within seconds pieces of the Dogirans were scattered across the landscape.

Yuquiss shoulder was still bleeding, although he had managed to slow it down quite a bit. Obhegnar’s battle suit had a wide variety of dents and gashes, wires and cogs revealing themselves from underneath the armor. Although it certainly looked worse for wear, Obhegnar could still move his limbs. After a moment to catch their breath, they began to run towards the extraction site the others had gone to. They had to warn them before they got an ambush of their own.

***

The rest of Sigma Six continued their search for the extraction facility. John looked around to see if he could spot any indication of where this building was. Sadly for him there was none, and the only thing in view was the glow of the river and dead ground. All of a sudden Amax held up his hand. The team stopped and stared at their captain, waiting to see what he was waiting on.

“Am I the only one who sees these tracks?” he inquired.

The rest of the team stared at what looked like the tracks of some sort of animal. From the looks of it whatever made these had about one hundred pairs of legs.

“Please don’t be a giant centipede, please don’t be a giant centipede,” John continually muttered to himself.

The team continued their walk, but not without looking back and seeing if something was following them. When it became clear nothing was, they slowly began to continue on.

After hours and hours of searching, the team finally found the building they were looking for. It was massive; looming over them like a sunset would back on Earth. At first the team began to grow relieved, as they had finally found what they were looking for. But those looks of relief quickly turned to dread when they looked down. Hundreds of different sets of tracks littered the ground. Some were human-like, while others were bigger than all of them combined. They scattered in every direction, but their source was the same; the extraction facility. Everyone fell silent, staring at each other. They all knew what had to be done, and after a moment to catch their breath they started toward the facility.

***

The facility was almost as big on the inside as it was on the outside. The numerous winding hallways made the place seem like a labyrinth, but it only got worse as they went. The walls were all torn and battered in; exposed wiring hung from the ceiling at every turn. This place had been completely destroyed, and the team could only begin to imagine what could have done this. Luckily for them, they didn’t have to wait very long. Moments after entering one of the corridors the sound of wings flapping grew louder and louder. Everyone spun just in time to see a group of six or seven hostiles heading toward them. They were winged beasts with scales covering their whole body. John had thought they looked like a horrible mix of a dragon and a butterfly. He didn’t have time to further contemplate what the beings could have been, since they were only a few feet away now.

The beasts began to spit out what seemed to be acidic goo, which melted everything it touched. John dove to the side, narrowly missing one of the shots. Tulan tried to fling the goo back at the beasts, but it didn’t seem to affect them. Elsir tried to back away but was hit in the leg. She reeled back and screamed as the goo melted through her armor and skin. Amax started to fire his weapon, nailing two of them in the head. As the two fallen creatures crashed into a wall, the others started to flee down the hallway. In a matter of seconds the beasts had gone, leaving only the soldiers and acid stains on the walls.

“Elsir, you alright?” John asked worriedly.

“Hurts like a bitch, but I think I’ll be fine,” she assured him.

A closer look revealed that the wound was worse than she thought, as the acid had chewed through her leg down to the bone.

“Elsir, sit down. Tulan should be able to heal you up alright. Me and John will continue on to the control room, see if we can’t find how many of those things there are. Copy that John?”

But John was not listening. Something had drawn him into his own head, filled his thoughts with a strange noise. He could barely make out syllables, even words. He tried as hard as he could to decipher the noises, but he couldn’t. He had never found a language that he was unable to translate, which made him wonder if it was a language at all. Whatever it was, it had started to call to him, pulling him deeper into the facility.

“John, where are you going?” Amax asked.

John snapped out of his trance like state and looked back at his team, all staring at him. “Uh, nowhere. I just though I heard something, that’s all.”

“We’ll find out soon enough if you did. By the way, why didn’t you warn us about those things back there?”

“I dunno Cap, I just didn’t hear them.”

“Strange, must be something here interfering with your gift.”

“Yeah, maybe.”

***

“Look O, I think that’s the place.”

“Looks like it alright. Place is huge.”

“We better start looking then.”

The two soldiers entered the building the same way as there squad mates. A trail of empty shells lead down one of the hallways. This had always been Amax’s way of leaving a trail. The two quickly followed the trail all the way down to the end of it, before hearing an approaching noise.

“What was that O?”

“No idea. I just hope it isn’t more Dogirans.”

Before they could finish the dragon-like creatures came crashing out of the adjacent hallway. Both men drew their weapons and started firing. The proton beam tore through one of the creatures wings, causing it to fall to the ground. Obhegnar set his lasers to rapid fire and tore through the remaining four creatures. Within seconds all five of them were lying still in front oh them.

“What the Hell are those things O…”

“I don’t know. This planet seems like a breeding ground for strange beasts.”

“Well we better get moving. They should be just up this way…”

The two were interrupted by a loud, continuous clanging noise behind them.

“More of those things?”

“Nah, sounds like their grounded. Better stay sharp, that’s a whole bunch of feet.”

The two stood with their weapons ready. From around the corner came a gigantic insect with one hundred pairs of legs. It crawled all around the walls and ceiling, barreling at them with speed. Its three pairs of pincers were clicking furiously as it approached its prey. Obhegnar shot at its legs, vaporizing them with every shot. Yuquiss mirrored his partner, aiming his beam at the other side of the creature. Their plan started to backfire as it only picked up speed, not even noticing its missing pairs of legs. The two looked at each other and instantly formed a backup plan. Yuquiss leaped over the beast’s back, causing it to turn slightly. As soon as it did, Obhegnar summoned his axe and brought it down with full force on the creature, cutting it in half. The creature let out a squeal while writhing around, slowly letting its life drain itself. Obhegnar and Yuquiss looked at each other, breathing heavily.

“We...should…keep…moving” Yuquiss said, panting.

“Lead the way.”

***

John and Amax had been walking for what seemed like hours. The hallways and corridors seemed to grow longer and longer, and each one left the two more anxious than the last. After all, they had learned what lurked in some of these corridors. To make matters worse, the noises had become louder and stronger. John could barely hear himself think, his head pounding thanks to some language he couldn’t even understand. It all was just noise to him, which only made him more frustrated. He didn’t understand what this place was doing to his gift; first he didn’t hear those winged things coming, and now he couldn’t even decipher these damn noises. His thoughts drifted to all the workers, who he assumed met their end at the hands of the beasts. Then again, wouldn’t there be bodies left behind? The acid had chewed Elsir’s leg down to the bone, but it hadn’t melted the bone itself. Surely there would be some remains somewhere, but he couldn’t be sure. For all he knew there were even deadlier beings running through these halls. He struggled to think of any scenario where the workers survived.

After hours and hours of twisting and turning through the facility, the two came upon the control room. It was enclosed by two large titanium doors that looked like they had been unhinged and dented earlier. The doors must have been locked by the control panel on the left side, but something had smashed it to pieces. John didn’t think the winged creatures had that much strength. Shivers began to run down his body as they stepped into the room. Rows of generators were lined up side to side, with wires running up the walls like vines. Tiny screens were hanging from the ceiling, with one huge one at the back of the room. The room must have been quite a sight before this all started, with each generator running with images flashing across the screen. Unfortunately, whatever had happened left the room looking like a landfill. Chunks of metal were strewn all across the room, along with shards of glass from the broken screens. The generators were almost unrecognizable, each being reduced to piles of garbage. The screen at the back had most of its glass missing, which must have contributed to the shattered glass floors. But none of this caught the eye of the two men, because a blinding bright light was emanating from behind the rubble. John shot a glance at Amax, who only nodded.

The two carefully made their way around the obstacle course of wires and screens before the source of light came into view. It was a cube, with beams interlocking with each other to form a grid around what seemed like a ball of white light. As interesting what the cube was, John couldn’t take his eyes off of the image it was projecting. It appeared to be another planet, with lush green landscapes and bodies of clear water. It may have been the most beautiful image he had ever seen. Before he could stop to admire the view, the noises came back in full force. This time he could make out a word, one word: Come. Before he knew it his feet were moving, walking towards the light. Amax called out to him, but he wasn’t listening. Amax stepped toward him before being violently thrown against the wall. John wanted to reach out to him, help him, but he couldn’t. Whatever this was had latched on to his conscious, and it wasn’t letting go. His feet kept moving at a steady pace, each step drawing him closer to the image. As he got near it, he could begin to see something moving in the background. He started to realize that something was heading straight for him. He couldn’t make out what it was, only that it walked on four legs. He had no idea what was going to come out of the other side of that screen, but he knew that it couldn’t be good. He started to wonder if he would ever make his way back, ever see his team again. The screen was only a few feet away now, as was whatever was on the other side. He heard Amax call out one last time, his words muddled by the blood running from his mouth. John wished with every bone in his body that he could hear him, go back to him. But he couldn’t, and knew that nothing would stop him from entering this land. With all control of his body lost, John couldn’t help but watch as his body was drawn into the screen, disappearing from the room.

Part 2

Yuquiss and Obhegnar had wandered through twisting and turning hallways. After a while they glimpsed two shadows at the end of the hallway. Yuquiss looked at Obhegnar for a decision. The shadows could be some of their team members, but their previous encounter told them it could be something more hostile. The two raised their weapons and made their way slowly towards the end of the hall. As they came upon the corner they both looked at each other before charging around the corner, weapons raised.

Tulan had been trying to heal Elsir’s wound. He knew if he didn’t act she would die very quickly. He used his powers to heal her, replacing the lost skin, muscle, and tissue. He slowly felt himself being drained of his power, but knew that he had no choice if he wanted Elsir to live. Eventually he had finished, and although the acid would surely leave a scar, she would be alright. Just as he had finished, he had heard footsteps coming from the other hallway. He did not have any power left to fight, and Elsir was certainly in no condition to either. As much as he hated the use of weapons, Tulan took Elsir’s plasma pistol and pointed it toward the incoming footsteps. As they were getting closer he noticed there was only two pairs of feet, meaning only two enemies to take care of. They may actually be able to take them.

As Yuquiss and Obhegnar turned the corner they were met with a plasma pistol pointed straight at them. As they saw who was holding the pistol they both let out a sigh of relief.

“Watch where you’re pointing that thing, will ya?” Yuquiss said with a sly grin.

“Luckily for you I have never had a desire to learn how to use these” Tulan replied.

Yuquiss shifted his eyes over to Elsir, who was sitting on the ground with a horrible scar across her leg.

“What happened to her?”

“Ran into a couple of hostiles, bastards spit acid” Elsir replied.

“Can you walk?”

“Yes, I believe so.”

“We need to find Amax and John” Obhegnar interjected.

Everyone nodded in agreement, and Obhegnar helped Elsir up. They then went to try and find their missing team members.

***

Amax watched as John stepped into the portal. As soon as he entered another human came out the other side, dressed in rags and bloodied all over. It was a man, maybe 50 years old. He looked like he had nearly starved to death. He fell on the floor in front of Amax, eyes starting to close. He was surprised the man had been able to walk through the portal, his body was covered with cuts and bruises, his fingernails all gone. He wondered what could have possibly happened to this man. He managed to open his eyes and look at Amax straight in the eyes, and feebly tried to speak. All he could choke out was one simple phrase: “Help me”. After he managed to speak the man closed his eyes for the last time. Amax sat there and wondered what hellhole John had just been sent to. He wondered who was doing this, wondered what they could possibly want. Then he noticed something tattooed on the man’s shoulder. As he moved closer he saw it was not a tattoo at all, it was burned onto his skin. Someone had branded this human being. As the brand came into view his heart stopped, and he felt a lump in his throat. The brand had a circle with three triangles lining the outside of the brand. In the middle of the circle was a big red “V”, a sign he was all too familiar with.

***

John expected to find a world with lush green landscapes awaiting him on the other side of the portal. Instead he was met with stone walls covered with blood, and the sound of screams not far away. He looked around to find himself in a cell surrounded by four concrete barriers. Etched into the walls were single straight marks, most likely counting down the days the last prisoner had been held here. John didn’t want to know how many marks there were. He saw a small hole in the wall, but he did not know what it was used for. The screams didn’t stop, and only grew louder and louder. Where the hell was he? He felt a slight prick on his leg, and looked down to see a dart sticking out of the side of his leg. He became drowsy and felt himself slipping into unconsciousness. He stumbled forward and fell to the ground, just before hearing a door opening.

John started to wake up, although he was still only half awake. He caught a glimpse of a leg, reptilian in nature. He heard voices, not screams, very near this time. He tried to move his arms and legs but they were restrained. He tried to read the thoughts of the creatures in the room but he couldn’t.

“Rise and shine rat!” One of his captors said.

“Looks like he’s trying that mind-reader shit, boy is he in for a surprise”

“Doesn’t matter if he knows what we’re thinking, not like he can do anything about it!”

All three of his captors laughed hysterically. John tried looking around again and saw a fire pit on the other side of the room. Sitting next to it was a branding iron, with a large V on the end of it.

“V…V…Vengan” John barely managed to say.

“We got an observant one boys!”

“Maybe we should burn his eyes out, make sure he doesn’t see anything he doesn’t need to see.”

“Patience brother, he will feel pain in due time. Right now our orders are just to brand him.”

One of the Vengans went over to the branding iron. He picked it up and began spinning it around in his claws.

“Boy am I going to enjoy hearing this piggy squeal!”

He stuck the iron into the fire, the dull metal turning bright red as the flame hit. Once the brand was hot enough, he took the iron out of the fire and started walking over to John. John tried to struggle but he couldn’t, whatever they had drugged him with was too strong. The Vengan jammed the iron onto John’s shoulder, sending a sharp burning sensation all across his body. The flesh was charring, the smoke rising into John’s mouth and nose. He wasn’t sure if he was screaming or not, all he knew was the pain was unbearable. After a couple of seconds they took the iron off, and John fell limp.

“Take him back to his cell, we’ll have fun with him later”

***

The team finally made their way to where Amax and John had gone. As they entered the room they saw Amax against a wall, one of his ribs jutting out of his chest. Next to him they saw a human on the floor, covered in his own blood.

“John!” Elsir screamed.

“What the hell happened here?” Yuquiss exclaimed.

“They…They took him” Amax struggled to say.

“Took who? John? If that isn’t John then who is he?” Elsir asked.

“He came…through portal…that John walked into. Was a trap…Vengans…took him.”

The room fell silent. They had all dealt with the Vengans before. A brutish reptilian race, the Vengans had terrorized the galaxies for a number of years. They were known for leaving no survivors and destroying entire planets as they please. If they truly had gotten a hold of John, his situation looked bleak.

“I know that symbol. They use it for their prisoners on Valldon IV. They must have taken him there.” Obhegnar said.

“Alright. Tulan, you wait with Amax and heal him when your power comes back. Elsir, O, you guys follow me back to the ship. It shouldn’t take more than a couple of hours for us to get to Valldon.”

“You are leaving me and Amax?” Tulan asked.

“We don’t have time to wait for you to heal him, and we can’t risk bringing him along. We might not have much time before they…”

“Go. Just leave us and go.” Amax interrupted.

“Alright, it’s settled, move out.” Yuquiss ordered.

***

John woke up back in his cell. His shoulder was still stinging and burning. His head was pounding harder than ever before, he could not hear any thoughts at all. The screaming had started again, louder this time. It kept growing louder and louder, making his head pound harder and harder. He tried to move but his body was still affected by the drug. He slowly began to crawl around the cell, looking for anything to use to escape. After a couple of minutes he had found nothing, it looked like whoever was in this cell took whatever they used to mark the walls with them. The screaming grew to its loudest point the stopped. John waited for the drugs to where off. Shouldn’t be long now. He heard footsteps coming outside the cell. They got closer until finally the cell door opened, revealing a large bulky Vengan guard.

“Time for dinner, rat.” The Vengan barked, trying to hide the sinister grin on his face.

The guard put down a plate of meat next to him. As he looked close he could see that it was human meat, most likely one of the other prisoners. He sat there and did nothing, as the Vengan watched him intently.

“Don’t want to eat? Fine, then how about a trip to the recreation room?”

As he was dragged into the recreation room he John saw two Vengans dragging the last prisoner out of the room, or at least what was left of him. Now he knew where the screams were coming from. He was put into a chair and restrained with iron chains. The room was covered in blood, a recurring theme in this prison. He saw a table filled with tools, from plasma saws to Axite picks. Vengans did tend to play with their food, as John recalled. The guard left John alone in the room. Shortly after another Vengan entered, wearing a black hood with two huge scars near his eyes. He looked John over for a few minutes, not saying a word. After a while he finally picked up the Axite pick and walked over to John. The Vengan jammed the pick into John’s kneecap, causing him to scream as loud as he has ever screamed.

***

The Sigma Six members were coming up on Valldon, the Vengan prison planet. The planet was mostly desolate, covered by wispy gray clouds. Standing above the clouds stood the actual prison, which must have been over 500 feet tall. The bottom of the tower would be heavily fortified with plenty of guards. There were rumors that the Vengans were too stupid to fortify the top of the tower, thinking their enemies would only attack from ground level. This led to the Sigma Six members deciding to break in at the top, working their way down until they found John. The team got on their suits and prepared to jump. Yuquiss opened the air lock doors and all the team members stepped inside. He looked to Elsir and Obhegnar, who both gave a thumbs up signaling they were ready. He closed the air lock behind them and initiated the opening sequence, and in seconds the three soldiers were fired into space heading toward the tower.

Yuquiss had always loved floating through space, and under less dire circumstances might have even enjoyed this little flight. But the situation was grave and he knew it. Even if they hadn’t killed John yet they would no doubt have tortured him. Getting him out would prove very difficult, if not impossible. No matter the risk, they all knew that they had to at least try to rescue him. Who knows how many times he had saved all of their lives. They drew closer to the tower revealing a large glass window. They might get a couple of cuts but breaking in seemed to not be a problem anymore. They all crashed through the large window into the room below. The breakout had begun.

***

John’s voice had long been gone, his screams tearing his vocal chords until they could no longer function. He had incisions all across his body, an Axite pick still in his knee, and most of his flesh had burned with a hot poker. The masked Vengan picked up the plasma saw, still not bothering to even mutter a word. John tried to squirm and break loose but the iron chains were too much. The Vengan picked up his hand and turned on the saw, the blue blade spinning with incredible speed. Slowly John began to feel his hand separated from his arm, and although the pain was excruciating, his vocal chords did not allow him to express his pain. Finally the hand was gone and all that was left was a stump. The Vengan picked up his Odium torch and cauterized the wound, making sure John wouldn’t bleed out. The Vengan went back to his table and perused the tools at his disposal. John had expected this Vengan to enjoy torturing him and seeing his pain. But the look in his eyes told John that the enjoyment of watching humans suffer had long worn out this Vengan, and John was just another job for it. He wondered if the Vengan would get more of his remaining body when it was served, if that was his only incentive to do this day after day. The Vengan picked up another tool and walked toward John again. His time for contemplation came to a close, and his time for pain began all over again.

***

Sigma Six had landed in what the Vengans called the corpse room. Bones of every species imaginable littered the room, being thrown out after the meat was collected from the bodies. Yuquiss didn’t want to think about too hard, so he motioned for the others to move towards the door. As they grew closer the door swung open to reveal two Vengan guards, both with shocked expressions on their faces. They were so surprised they had no time to react and were both shot right between the eyes, their bodies falling to the floor. The team walked right past the two Vengans and continued out of the room.

The rumors about the tower proved true, as every Vengan they encountered seemed shocked that someone had managed to break into the prison. After clearing the first three floors the team came upon a control panel that opened and closed the prisoner’s cells. Yuquiss opened all the cell doors without hesitation, knowing that the chaos would give them a better chance of getting John out alive. Yuquiss motioned for everyone to move to the next floor. Yuquiss just hoped that John was still able to be saved.

***

There was a sudden commotion outside the recreation room that caught the masked Vengans attention. It sounded like fighting, a prisoner must have escaped somehow. While the Vengan’s back was turned John thought of one last desperate move to get out of this god forsaken room. John used his handless arm to wrap around the Vengan’s neck and pull as hard as he could. The Vengan writhed around and flailed with the Urium blade he had been cutting John with. The blade made contact with John’s skin multiple times, but no amount of pain would make him let go. After a minute or so the Vengan grew still, and John managed to see the chair keys dangling on the Vengan’s belt. He tried reaching with his stump but it proved useless. He was stuck in this room, with no way out of his restraints. John could only hope the Vengans would find him more trouble alive than dead, and end his miserable suffering. Team Sigma Six likely had no idea where he was, and he had long dismissed the idea of a rescue. He closed his eyes and waited for the Vengans to come.

***

The team weaved in an out of the fights broken out between the Vengans and the prisoners. Humans were being torn down by the much larger Vengans, while other guards were being thrown around by a Gahorn, a huge ape-like creature with a single Axite horn on its head. Yuquiss saw the creature thrust its horn and skewer two guards close to it. He did not want to get involved in any of this, and neither did Elsir or Obhegnar. The commotion allowed the team to slip by unnoticed. The ground was littered with bodies of prisoners and guards alike. There was no doubt that the Vengans would come after the Agency after this incident, but they would have to worry about that after they had John. The team delved deeper and deeper into the tower, the bloodshed continuing all throughout the prison. After checking what seemed like a million cells, they finally found a cell with part of John’s suit left behind.

“Where do you think they took him?” Elsir asked.

“I would suggest following the blood trail” Obhegnar replied.

They nodded and made their way to the recreation room. Yuquiss found himself struggling to keep from vomiting at the sight he saw.

“Oh god, what did they do to him” Elsir said.

“It doesn’t matter, we just need to get him out of here” Yuquiss replied, although in his mind he was wondering what they DIDN’T do to him. John still had a faint pulse, so Yuquiss ordered Obhegnar to carry him back to the ship. He hoped that the conflict had subsided and they would have a clear path out of the tower. He motioned for the team to move out and ran back up to the final floor.

The room that had previously been filled with bones was now filled with Vengan guards, each just as bloodthirsty as the next. Sigma Six had their weapons pointed towards the guards, but they all knew they could not take on this many Vengans themselves. The guards suddenly stepped aside to make way for a bigger Vengan, one with only one eye and even sharper teeth and claws.

“I am Warden Krag, and you all have caused me quite a mess today. It seems to me that you owe me for all the damages. I’ll tell you what, you leave the Madrelan and I’ll let you go free. Haven’t had one of them in a long time. “

Elsir tried not to think about what he meant by that and kept her weapon raised. They were smart enough to know the Vengan would not keep his word, and their only way out of here was to fight. They looked at each other and tried to formulate a plan. They had practiced for this situation before, but they had not prepared for an enemy as formidable as the Vengans. They didn’t have much of a choice, and could only hope that one day at the academy would pay off here.

“I see you are not willing to negotiate. Since that is the case, I think the only fair course of action is to make you all watch as I strip the meat from the human’s bones. Guards, take them!”

The Vengans all charged the team at once. Elsir took out a proton bomb and threw it into the crowd of Vengans, vaporizing at least thirty of them in seconds. Obhegnar fired rockets at the incoming horde, Vengan limbs flying in all directions. Yuquiss started running on the walls and firing in all directions. The Vengan forces did not seem fazed by any of this and kept on coming. Obhegnar pulled out his axe and started swinging at the incoming Vengans. Elsir shot at as many as she could, but she would soon run out of energy and be forced to fight with her claws. Yuquiss continued to dodge bullets from the Vengan rifles. The Vengans were one of the only species to still use metallic bullets, but Yuquiss knew they could still hurt him quite a bit. He felt a sharp pain in his ankle and fell to the ground.

He saw Krag lowering his weapon and walking towards him. With nowhere to run Yuquiss pulled out his pistol and faced the gargantuan Vengan.

“Looks like you can’t run away, huh rat. I’ve always liked torturing the Elassi, they tend to stretch really really far before they rip in half.”

Yuquiss unloaded everything he had onto the Vengan, but the proton shots seemed to bounce off his scaly skin.

“Hah, that tickles. For being the most elite military unit in the universe, you Sixers seem to be very stupid.”

Krag raised his weapon up to Yuquiss face, his claw beginning to pull the trigger. But before he could fire, Krag dropped his weapon and started to hold his head.

“What…what…what is happening? No no no, get out my head!”

Yuquiss looked over at John and saw his eyes slowly open, and the crack of a smile on his face. Yuquiss chalked it up to another time John saved his life, and ran up to the Vengan and plunged his Proton blade straight into the Vengan’s only remaining eye. Krag yelled out and stumbled backwards, only to find Obhegnar’s axe in the back of his head. As he slumped to the floor Yuquiss saw Obhegnar and Elsir, both bloody and bruised from the fight. Elsir’s claws and Obhegnar’s axe were covered with Vengan blood. Bodies were strewn across the room, some dead and some wounded on the floor.

“What should we do with the wounded?” Obhegnar asked.

“Leave em, I just want to get out of this shithole.” Yuquiss replied.

“Better not forget what you came here for!” John exclaimed from the other side of the room.

They all laughed and went to pick John up. Yuquiss radioed up to their pilot and told him to beam them up, and with a flash of blue light Sigma Six disappeared, leaving the ruined prison behind.

***

“How is John?” Yuquiss asked Regon, the only doctor on the ship.

“He’s in rough shape Yuq, I don’t know what the hell they did to him down there but he lost a hand and has more lascerations than I can count. Not to mention they poked his eye out and stabbed his right kneecap.”

“You think you can help him?”

“Honestly? I think if you want him to fight again, you’re going to have to let me cut off the right leg. I can get a robotic leg and hand for him back at the Agency, could probably use a few favors to get him a new eye too.”

“Whatever you have to do, thanks doc”.

Yuquiss left the room and went to the debriefing center. Amax was sitting, talking to Elsir.

“I see Tulan managed to heal you up?” Yuquiss said with a grin.

“Yeah, hurt like a bitch though. Elsir would know.” Amax replied.

“It definitely hurt like a bitch.” Eslir agreed.

“So what’s next Cap? Any news from the agency?” Yuquiss asked.

“Yeah, some colonists went missing on Hyon III. Agency wants us to check it out after John’s back in fighting shape. Now if you’ll excuse me, I am going to go sleep. It’s been a longer day than I can take.”

“You got that right Cap. I think I’ll hit the hay too, see you both tomorrow”.

The team went back to their quarters and got some rest. Unfortunately for them, it wasn’t even three hours before the alarm sounded. It looked like the Vengans had come looking for revenge.

To be continued…

 

TaffyMeat

Infinite Meter Kombos
Looked at thread. Noticed 18 pages, updated 3 minutes ago. Thought ...... wow mkx news. Nope. Someone bumped a thread from last year. Dope
 

TaffyMeat

Infinite Meter Kombos
Currently I'm reading Batman R.I.P, H.P Lovecraft's Necromomicon, The Urantia book, Papa Johns Stuffed Crust pizza menu....... It's when people write vacuous diet coke head statements that I turn into a valley girl whom has clawed themselves from Clive Barker's Bloodlust. If you're still reading this, I'm British.
 

Zoidberg747

My blades will find your heart
Currently I'm reading Batman R.I.P, H.P Lovecraft's Necromomicon, The Urantia book, Papa Johns Stuffed Crust pizza menu....... It's when people write vacuous diet coke head statements that I turn into a valley girl whom has clawed themselves from Clive Barker's Bloodlust. If you're still reading this, I'm British.
In just trying to figure out why you didn't just read the thread title. It's all good though.
 

TaffyMeat

Infinite Meter Kombos
In just trying to figure out why you didn't just read the thread title. It's all good though.
I'm using chrome browser on my phone which goes really slowly due to being over 90% ram as a consequence of being dropped.... down the toilet. I should get a new phone or a laptop.
 
Read part 2.
Pretty good.
Only things i can try to add right now are...
1) i think you should write "Blah blah," he said. "Blah blah blah." INSTEAD OF "Blah. Blah. Blah blah blah." he said.
2) not sure how much it matters, but.... i usually try to find a lot of synonyms if i can instead of using words like hall 3x in one paragraph. no big deal. just a thought.
3) I like Axite picks and a character being referred to simply as 'O'.
4) trying to figure out the purpose of the Vangan. think i'll read it all over again. hold on.
 
5) again, you're in a similar position as me when you refer to 'ape-like' creatures. is this wrong form??? have any of your characters seen an ape? not sure how this works. like i said, gonna read again.
 

Zoidberg747

My blades will find your heart
Read part 2.
Pretty good.
Only things i can try to add right now are...
1) i think you should write "Blah blah," he said. "Blah blah blah." INSTEAD OF "Blah. Blah. Blah blah blah." he said.
2) not sure how much it matters, but.... i usually try to find a lot of synonyms if i can instead of using words like hall 3x in one paragraph. no big deal. just a thought.
3) I like Axite picks and a character being referred to simply as 'O'.
4) trying to figure out the purpose of the Vangan. think i'll read it all over again. hold on.
Vengans are the main antagonists. at least in my mind.
 
i'll read the whole thing tmrw when i'm fresh and comment. need some music to listen to b4 i go to bed and wakeup to this nightmare of mine called 'life' again. keep working on your story. just got my physical therapist to take my story with her on vacation next week. we'll see how far she gets...............
 
Okay Zoidberg...... here's a more detailed criticism of Part 1. You ready?

Before I begin, I want to say that you're going to have to put a lot more work into fixing grammar. Lots of tense issues, incorrect spellings, bad quoting, and confusion are apparent. I put what I found on paper. And please understand that I'm not trying to be a dick. This is my honest take on things...... Let's start.
1) Dec 14, 2068. The Assad are mentioned. Who exactly are they? Explain more.
2) Galactic Peace Keeping Agency formed. Distances btwn galaxies can be a few to 1000's of light years. Would interstellar (1 galaxy) work better?
3) You jump 1400+ years pretty quickly. Why not start in present 3450 or a few years before?
4) Vengans enter, ok. Maybe expand on this.
5) We learn of Dissenters (rebels). Didn't like taxes, etc. OK.
6) So, does the Agency kidnap beings to be in their army made in about a decade? Why would they be happy if they were taken? Add incentive maybe.
7) Then Dissenters are hunted. and Vengans are pushed
 

Zoidberg747

My blades will find your heart
Okay Zoidberg...... here's a more detailed criticism of Part 1. You ready?

Before I begin, I want to say that you're going to have to put a lot more work into fixing grammar. Lots of tense issues, incorrect spellings, bad quoting, and confusion are apparent. I put what I found on paper. And please understand that I'm not trying to be a dick. This is my honest take on things...... Let's start.
1) Dec 14, 2068. The Assad are mentioned. Who exactly are they? Explain more.
2) Galactic Peace Keeping Agency formed. Distances btwn galaxies can be a few to 1000's of light years. Would interstellar (1 galaxy) work better?
3) You jump 1400+ years pretty quickly. Why not start in present 3450 or a few years before?
4) Vengans enter, ok. Maybe expand on this.
5) We learn of Dissenters (rebels). Didn't like taxes, etc. OK.
6) So, does the Agency kidnap beings to be in their army made in about a decade? Why would they be happy if they were taken? Add incentive maybe.
7) Then Dissenters are hunted. and Vengans are pushed
I dont mind criticism, especially because these are first drafts. If I ever do anything more with them I will obviously edit.

1. I must have confused that with the Mossad, which is the Israeli Intelligence Agency.
2. Maybe but in sci-fi anything tends to be possible.
3. I just wanted to show how the Agency was formed and why. The events take place after the Agency is already established and has a strong following. I could maybe cut down the years though.
4. I was waiting to expand on them in another story, but long story short they are the main enemies of the GPA
5. I didn't really go into the dissenters too much, was saving them for another story.
6. It is sort of like a military draft. They are not happy per se, but are accepting of their fate. PLus they take them when they are very little, so they do not know a life outside the agency(some of them at least).
7. The dissenters are more of a nuisance that the Agency is trying to get rid of. The Agency cannot possibly get rid of all the Vengans, so they just try to keep them out of their galaxies(or galaxy)

I have to admit I only usually write for my own personal entertainment, but I dont mind criticism that I can take into writing the next one.
 
back. How? Where are the Vengans from?
8) Maybe a planet system map will help for reference. Had to make one for my story to make sure times/distances were plausible.
9) Agency next comes up with Feral 5. We have Captain Amax, Degassan/ nonviolent birdlike. Elsir, Madrelan/warrior, catlike, aggressive & removed instantly from F5 to join Sigma6. Confused me.
Next was Yuquiss, an Elassi. agile/fast, supposedly skilled in battle. Next is Obhegnar, a Sonzarian. imp with hitech armor. Next, John Rogers, a human. can read mind, instantly interprets alien languages. Fine. Last is Tulan, a hooded mutant. he has telekinesis. ok.
are we in milky way galaxy or where? if john's father was Boshannon i'm thinking we might be somewhere else, but who knows. set the stage better. :)

10) There's another 20 year jump.....just so Elsir could be ready???????????
11) We are at 3570. miltary reduced. never had an idea of size to start with. i think you need to mention more planets and cnxn with each other/Agency/ or the Assad.
 
13) WE discover there's a mining operation on Surilia. ok. it's a source of Icrium which powers planets. THIS is something that the Assad army should have protected. you chose to not do that. ok. let's see what happened.
14) Whatever came of hunting the Dissenters for 5 years btw?
15) Surilia, foggy, green, connected acidic rivers. ok. what is so unique or special about the connection you mention?
16) Why does the fuel source evaporate so quickly. is Icrium a good fuel because of that? it better be i'd think. explain why it is a premier fuel when it has tendency to vanish.
17) In a scene, john, amax and elsir are 2gether. a distress signal from Icricorp official. 20:13 is mentioned. THEN.......you suggest Dissenters dont come out this far or aren't prepared for surface conditions. why all the worry about them b4 then?
18) Lots of confusion with dialogue and who's speaking. also, why are Sigma6 members always fearful and timid sounding. fix that.
19) How many workers are at mine? There's just one facilty that
 
provides ALL the mined fuel. No defense structures or security measures. who runs the place?
20) Tulan should have been announced by name earlier. he just pops out of nowhere. later realized he was the Deshaliak.
21) The two party split upon landing needs to be clearer. didnt know who was with who. and why the 4/2 split instead of even?
22) Jumping worms? That say KILL? :(
23) What kind of suits are SIGMA6 wearing? we'll get to weapons in a bit.
24) OH, maybe explain how john AND Tulan met.
25) again, too much earth-like creature descriptions( MY OPINION)
26) Still hate Dogirans. the name.
27) Weapons now...... why does Yuquiss have a shitty pistol. "O" trashes 20% of dogs. then Y convinces him to run. bullshit. just so they can pull out plasma weapons later??? not believing this. THENNNNNNNN fuckin "O" comes out with missiles???? NO. No. no. Add more dogs. make a better battle.
28) THEY HAD NO REASON TO RUN.

29) How did Yuquiss stop bleeding?
30) Does Sigma6 eat, drink, or rest. They walked hours, left
 
ship unguarded?? wtf? why not land at facility or make reason for distance problem.
31) what are the winged beasts called? fyi, i've read that combining different animals to explain something is a bad idea. maybe try more description.
32) Does anyone on team have suitable armor?
33) Would a woman, Elsir, say "Hurts like a bitch." your call. her femur is exposed, right? idk.
34) Me and John should be john and i, but spoken dialogue like this is ok i guess. last grammar thing i'm mentioning.
35) "Copy that John?" Are these guys wearing suits with communicators and you didn't tell us?
36) Also, how could John warn others? goo monsters didn't talk.
37) Does Amax have a shotgun that there are shells mentioned. thought he was nonviolent. he shot two creatures in their faces earlier too.
38) At least Yuquiss' proton pistol can kill goo monsters.
39) Also, how did Tulan try to fling goo back at creatures?
40) Titanium is found on Earth.
41) Honestly, my impression of Sigma6 is not good thus far. They're too worri
 
worried and scared of shit. make 'em tougher.
42) Finally, you throw that fucking cube at us. lol.

Phew. like i said. story needs improvement. i think if you expand and are careful in areas you can make a great story out of it. keep working. i'll attack part2 maybe sunday or monday. thanks for the opportunity to tell you my thoughts. :) Appreciate it.
 
i also have many of the same problems with my story. mostly not enough explaining in important sections or parts that are presented poorly. all we can do is keep revising until it comes together. it will.