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AeroGrunt

Stay Puft
AeroGruntMaybe i'll try my scifi football romance i mentioned back a page or so. screenplay.
Do it man. I have a really short attention span when it comes to reading, but when I read screenplays I get so into it I keep reading and reading. Maybe it's how screenplays describe what's happening visually much more than normal stories, I dunno.
 

Zoidberg747

My blades will find your heart
AeroGrunt Ththuvhul

I added in two suspects and what happened to them in the screenplay. Let me know if it adds to it or is unnecessary.

FADE IN:

INT. KITCHEN- NIGHT (5 Years ago)

MARY (a young woman) is cooking dinner for her husband. Behind her a shadow quickly passes by, the woman unaware. Slowly a KILLER creeps up behind her. The KILLER grabs MARY. She struggles and starts reaching for her kitchen knife, as the KILLER pushes her face closer and closer to the stove. She screams her husbands name(DAMON) but he is nowhere to be found.

FADE OUT

*Title Sequence*

CUT TO:

INT. BEDROOM-NIGHT

DAMON HILL wakes up screaming. He grabs his head and is in pain. He has flashes of different crime scenes. He sees a bloody hand. He holds his head tighter. He sees a woman’s face, lifeless and still. He rises out of bed and screams louder. He sees a mirror, the killer looking back at him. He slams into the wall next to him(accidentally) and reels back in pain. Slowly he sits back down on his bed, still holding his head.

DAMON(V.O)
(letting out a sigh and shaking his head)
These visions will be the death of me.

He looks at the picture by his bedside of his wife(WOMAN in scene one). He holds the picture and continues to stare at it, tears developing in his eyes.

DAMON(V.O)
(solemnly)
I can’t bring her back. But I’ll be damned if I’m going to let this son of a bitch hurt anyone else.

He puts the picture back on his bedside table, lies his head back and closes his eyes.

CUT-TO:

INT. OFFICE-DAY

DAMON is looking at a set of papers. Behind him is a board covered with lines, photos, and pins that DAMON uses to follow the killers path. He sips his coffee as he stares at the newest victim, a middle-aged MAN. The file shows photos of the crime scene. A bloodied saw blade, the man torn in half, his eyes still filled with terror.


DAMON(V.O)
(begrudgingly)
No prints, no sign of entry, nothing. Always one step ahead.

He gets up to look at the board. He pins the photo to the location of the last victim, and draws a line from the last pin to this one. He continues to stare at the board. He grabs his police badge, fiddles with it for a few seconds. He looks back at the board.

DAMON(V.O)
(Questioningly)
Why are you doing this? What is your end game?

He puts his badge in his coat pocket and walks out the door.

CUT TO:

INT. GARAGE-NIGHT

A middle aged man arrives home from work. He stops his car and gets out. As he is walking toward the door he hears a noise in the back of the garage. He walks toward the noise, his heart pounding audibly. He slowly peeks behind his toolbox, only to find nothing. The man sighs in relief, and steps back toward his door. As he walks up to the door, a silhouette appears in the background. The KILLER steps towards him, and the man’s breathing stops.

Flashes show the man struggling with the KILLER. KILLER turns on the electric saw on the table before pushing the MAN onto the saw. Flashes show the man getting sawed in half by the electric saw.

CUT TO:

INT. GARAGE-DAY

DAMON ducks under the police tape and enters the crime scene. He sees a few fallen tools and the bloodied saw blade. He looks around for any sign of a clue. He continues to stare at the saw blade, but nothing comes of it. He sighs.

DAMON(V.O)
(Disappointed)
“Still nothing, damn it”

DAMON walks back out of the garage and goes to get into his car.

FADE OUT:

Footsteps are heard along with panting.

SMASH CUT:

EXT. FOREST-NIGHT

MAN in track suit is running franticly. He constantly looks behind his shoulders and pushes through trees and brush. He looks behind him to see the KILLER chasing him. He runs and zig zags to try and get away. Eventually he looks back to reveal that the KILLER is nowhere in sight. Then, as his head turns to look in front of him again the KILLER stands in front of him. The runner stops, dead in his tracks. Blood gushes from his mouth as he looks down at the hatchet lodged straight into his ribs. He falls down to the ground, the KILLER just standing there watching.

SMASH CUT:

INT. BEDROOM-MORNING

DAMON HILL wakes up screaming again. He is sweating profusely and shaking. He gets out of bed and goes to get dressed and get ready.

CUT TO:

EXT. FOREST-DAY

Police tape surrounds the crime scene. DAMON HILL ducks under the tape and goes over to the body. The head of a man rests on the head of an axe stuck in the tree. His headless body sits limp underneath the axe. He hears the chattering of the investigators in the background. They stare at him.

DAMON(V.O)
These guys know this is all I’ve done for five years. They won’t ever understand why.

He inspects the body and all around the tree. There is nothing of note. He goes back to look at the head.

DAMON(V.O)
(Judgingly)
Always been one for theatrics, haven’t you?

He shakes his head and walks back to his car, the investigators watching him as he walks away.

CUT TO:

INT. LIBRARY-DAY

DAMON is sitting in the library looking at newspaper articles over the past five years, each case being similar to the others that the killer has attacked. He has visions of each article.

The policeman who was choked in his car, a woman and homeless man who were stabbed in an alley, and the couple who was burned alive in their home. Finally, he stumbled upon the paper with a picture of him and his wife. He stares at the photo intently, finger tapping rapidly.

Words pop out at him “Husband finds wife burned alive” “Police rule it a homicide” “The killer was never found”. He curls his fist and closes his eyes, trying to contain his anger, the memories of that day rushing back to him.


DAMON (V.O)
(hoping)
Come on Damon, gotta be something in one of these articles

He shuffles through the papers, scanning for anything to go on. Eventually he sighs and puts the papers down, looking defeated. Then he stares back at the picture of his wife, and looks over at himself standing next to her.

DAMON (V.O)
She wasn’t the first victim

He looked back at a few articles. He tapped his fingers, and started to look like he had found something.

DAMON(V.O)
I was in the same place as the murderer in these cases. But I didn’t even know he existed at the time. How…

Slowly, he started to look surprised. His eyes widened and his mouth fell open. He started looking at the papers again, more frantically this time.

DAMON(V.O)
(realizing)
I was in every one of these places when the murders happened. Every god damn one.

He suddenly looks up from the papers.

DAMON(V.O)
(shocked)
Me. This whole thing must be about me.

He continues to ponder, his head in his hand. He is intently thinking, trying to remember.

DAMON(V.O)
Arthur Barton, Edwin Marshall, Rickey Cross. I caught all three of those men years ago. But would any of them do this?

He goes back to the archive and picks up another couple of newspapers. He finds the articles about each of the men.

DAMON(V.O)
Barton was shanked in prison, no surprise there.

He continues scanning the papers, eyes darting

DAMON(V.O)
Marshall was released two years ago. And Cross escaped before he even got to the police station.

He stares at the papers, tapping his finger. He looks up from the papers and picks the newspapers up, puts them back in the archive and heads back home.

CUT TO:

INT. POLICE CAR-DAY

RICKEY CROSS is sitting in the car with POLICE OFFICER. They are both silent. The police officer is driving, looking checking his mirrors every once in a while. RICKEY has a scar on his right eye, and has a big smirk on his face.

RICKEY CROSS(V.O)
(mockingly)
This stupid cop has no idea what he’s doing.

Slowly he moves his foot and kicks the cop’s seat. The cop turns back to look at him, then turns back and shakes his head. He kicks it again and the cop bites his lip. He is beginning to be very irritated. After the third time he pulls the car over and stops. He is mumbling to himself as he gets out his baton.

As he gets near the door RICKEY pushes it open, making him stumble backward and knocking the baton out of his hand. RICKEY goes over to his body on the ground, and picks him up with his handcuff chain around the cop’s neck. The cop is choking, struggling to get free. RICKEY waits until the last life of the cop seeps out, and lets his body drop to the grass.

He quickly peeks over the car to see if anyone had seen him, but the cars were driving past not noticing the commotion. He looks at his prison uniform in disgust.

RICKEY(V.O)
No way I can get away in these

The viewer sees the traffic passing by the police car. RICKEY looks over the roof again and drags the policeman and puts him in the trunk. He has switched clothes with the police officer. He gets back into the car, smiling widely. He starts the car and drives off.

CUT TO:

INT. HOUSE-NIGHT

RICKEY pulls up to a house. He gets out of the car and goes up to the front door. He knocks very loudly three times, and a MAN opens the door. As he is opening the door, his face slowly begins to seem horrified, as the camera pans back to RICKEY holding a gun.

RICKEY puts the MANs hands behind his back and walks him to the living room. In there a WOMAN is sitting, before she suddenly gets up terrified. RICKEY points the gun at her and motions for her to sit down. She complies and he handcuffs the WOMAN and the MAN to the legs of their sofa. The WOMAN is crying, the man still looking terrified.

He looks around at the house. It is fancy.

RICKEY(V.O)
Gotta be something in here I can sell. Get me a ticket the hell out of this country.

He goes to the bedroom. He checks all the drawers and finds some jewelry. He puts that in his pocket and goes back to grab some things from the living room. When he returns, he sees the MAN and the WOMAN dead, both looking like they had taken an axe to the head.

RICKEY becomes afraid and raises his gun. He looks around the room and sees no one. He goes back to the hallway and walks through. As he is walking by a closet the door flies open and he is pushed against the wall. The KILLER steps out and is still wielding the bloody axe. RICKEY raises his gun to fire only to have the hand chopped off by the KILLER. He screams in agony and grabs his stub. The KILLER kicks the gun away and gives one swift axe blow to the head.

RICKEY releases his grip on his stub and lays his head back, all life absent in his eyes. The KILLER walks back outside to grab a can of gasoline he hid in the bushes. He covers the bodies with it along with the floors. He turns on the stove, and as he goes back out the front door, he lights a match and throws it in the house, setting the entire home ablaze.

CUT-TO

INT. BEDROOM-DAY

DAMON is packing up a suitcase frantically. He holds his head as he continues to have visions. He sees the jogger, running from someone. He sees the axe lodged in the runners stomach. And then he sees the runner’s head, put on the axe as a display of the killer’s ruthlessness. He grunts and is in obvious pain.

He grabs a bottle of pills on his counter, his hands madly shaking. He goes to the bathroom and runs the sink. He gets two pills out of the container, his hands still shaking. He puts them in his mouth and washes them down with water. After he gasps for air, and stares into the mirror.

DAMON(V.O)
(promising)
Can’t let him hurt anyone else. Won’t let him hurt anyone else.

He splashes water into his face, dries off, and continues to pack. When he is done he quickly grabs his bag and walks out the door.

FADE OUT

CUT TO:

EXT. WOODS-DAY ESTABLISHING

Birds are chirping and the wind is blowing as the camera pans across the fields and forests. Eventually a house comes into view, with DAMON getting out of his car. He takes his bag up to the house, but puts it down. He looks around the woods, taking in where he is.

DAMON(V.O)
Alright, no one to kill out here. Looks like this bastard is going to have to come after me this time.

He enters the house and puts down his bag in the bedroom. Looking around the house seems old and decrepit. The furniture is dusty, the windows cracked. He constantly hears the ceiling leaking, water dripping every few seconds.

DAMON(V.O)
(optimistically)
Well the place might be a shit hole, but at least he won’t be able to find me for a while

The camera pans out to see the sun setting in the distance.

CUT TO:

EXT. ALLEYWAY-NIGHT

A WOMAN is walking through an alleyway. She hears creaks and noises at every turn. She starts walking a little faster every second. Right before she reaches the end of the alleyway a man jumps out from behind a dumpster, holding a knife.

He motions for her to give him her wallet. She is terrified, hands shaking as she is digging through her purse. The man is grinning, his bad teeth showing. He is wearing raggedy clothes and appears to have been homeless for quite some time.

EDWIN MARSHALL(V.O)
Yes Edwin, make her scared. Make her think she can get out of here alive.

She hands him over her wallet, and he looks at it for a few seconds. He then drops it behind him and walks towards the WOMAN. She grows horrified and begins to run. She cannot outrun EDWIN and he tackles her to the ground.

She is crying, terror in her eyes. EDWIN is grinning even wider now, laughing as he begins to stab her in the torso. He stabs her five or six times, each time the woman screaming in pain.

EDWIN(V.O)
(maniacally)
She bleeds like a little piggy!

He continues to stab her as her screams slowly start to become softer and weaker. Eventually her face grows still and EDWIN rises. She has at least ten stab wounds in her torso, her blouse covered in blood. A shadowy figure appears in the alleyway entrance.

EDWIN turns around to face the stranger, knife raised. His smile quickly fades as he sees the man is holding an axe. He drops his knife and tries to run, but does not get one step before the axe is rammed into the back of his leg. He falls to the ground when the KILLER picks up his own knife. He sticks it into EDWIN’s head and he falls to the ground, blood running down his head.

He takes the knife out of the head and puts it into his pocket. He picks up the axe and walks away, leaving the WOMAN and EDWIN lying on the ground.




CUT-TO:

INT. OLD HOUSE-NIGHT

DAMON is asleep in his bed when he hears a stick crack and leaves rustle. He opens his eyes and lays still for a moment. He slowly gets out of bed and grabs his pocket knife from the counter, trying to be as quiet as he can.

Suddenly he hears someone outside, going around to the front door. His heart is racing, his heartbeat audible. He can see a car outside, still running. Suddenly there is banging on the door, the person on the other side trying hard to break it down.

DAMON hides on one side of the door, and as the door crashes open a tall man walks in, axe in hand. His eyes red, his face hidden in the darkness. He swings the axe at DAMON.

SMASH CUT

INT. OLD HOUSE-DAY

DAMON wakes up in a cold sweat. He gets out of bed and heads outside. He is walking very sheepishly, obviously bothered by the nightmares of the night before. He grabs the door handle and opens the door, to reveal the body of a man hanging by a tree in front of the house. His eyes lifeless, his neck snapped. DAMON hears nothing, not even the chirping of the birds or even his own heartbeat. Suddenly, he heard a soft voice.

KILLER(V.O)
(creepily)
Behind you

DAMON reeled back and fell on the ground, hearing a sudden crack when his ankle hit. He tried to crawl away before finally looking back. The same man with the axe, eyes still red was walking toward him. He continued crawling frantically, as he started to hyperventilate. Step by step the KILLER stepped toward DAMON, raising his axe a little higher with each step.

Finally the KILLER was looming over him. DAMON closed his eyes, bracing himself for the inevitable killing blow. After a few seconds, he opens his eyes again. The KILLER has disappeared, along with the man hanging. It was just him, alone, his ankle obviously hurt.

DAMON(V.O)
(in pain)
Can’t stay out here. Gotta…get…to…hospital

He drags himself over to the car. He is in serious pain, wincing with every crawl. He grabs his keys from his coat pocket, fumbling with them before inserting the correct one into the car. He starts the car and drives off.

CUT TO:

INT. HOSPITAL-DAY

DAMON wakes up and is lying on a hospital bed, IV in his arm. He looks very dazed, and slowly opens and closes his eyes. As he moves his head to look to the right of him, he sees the KILLER again, sitting up quickly while his heartbeat monitor starts skyrocketing.

The nurse runs in to lay him back down. She is speaking to him, but DAMON does not hear. He just looks at the KILLER, staring straight at him with those blood red eyes. The nurse leaves the room as DAMON continues to stare.

FADE OUT

INSERT “ONE WEEK LATER”

CUT TO:

INT. DAMON’S OFFICE-DAY

DAMON limps across to the board of the KILLER’s victims. He puts up a photo of a couple, and draws the line from the last photo to this one. He limps back over to his case file. He sits and reads it, eyes growing wide.

DAMON(V.O)
“These people were killed a couple miles from where I was staying in the woods. He followed me all the way out there.”

He sat there, tapping his finger like he always does. Eventually he looks through his mail(sitting next to the case files) and stumbles upon a letter addressed to him, but not signed.

DAMON(V.O)
(Reading letter in his head, getting noticeably more angry as he reads on)
“Dear Damon,

It seems that you have finally noticed your relation to my work. I knew it wouldn’t take long to get your attention after I killed your poor wife. I still remember it, the screams, the burning. You do too don’t you?”

DAMON puts the letter down, his hands shaking, his fists clenched. He takes a deep breathe and continues to read the letter.

DAMON(V.O)

“ Thing is, I am getting tired of all this murder. Most don’t see me coming, and if they do they can’t fight back. So here’s the thing, you want me dead right? Well I want you dead too, although I have my reasons for waiting so long. So what do you say about cutting the bullshit? You and me, the forest outside of town. Want me to stop? Here’s your chance.”

DAMON rips the letter in half and throws it in the trash bin. He looks back at his board and all the faces. Damon sits there and wonders who it could be.

DAMON(V.O)
This sounds like Edwin Marshall but you can never count out Cross. One of them has it out for me.

He cocks his head and continues looking at the board.

DAMON(V.O)
What does it matter, either way this will all be over soon enough.

FADE OUT

CUT TO:

EXT. FOREST-NIGHT

A WOMAN and a MAN are driving through the forest. The MAN is looking at a map, turning it upside down and side to side, obviously confused as to how to read it. The WOMAN is watching him, shaking her head. She looks out the window to see that it is pitch black.

Suddenly they both hear the engine stutter, and the back of the car begins to smoke. The MAN looks very annoyed and angry. He motions for her to wait in the car and steps out. The WOMAN is staring out the window, as she hears the leaves rustling as something is moving in the bushes. It goes past her view, and when she looks back she sees her boyfriend is nowhere to be found.

She looks around out all the windows but cannot see him. She locks the door, growing more and more afraid. She continues to look out all the windows, before hearing a loud knock on the driver’s door. She remains calm as she recognizes the ring on her boyfriend’s hand. She unlocks the doors, and he opens it.

He suddenly falls into the car, axe buried in the back of his skull. The WOMAN screams and quickly opens her door. She stumbles and begins to run away from the car, looking back to see the KILLER standing over her boyfriend’s body. He is not following her, he is just standing. She turns back to look forward and run.

As she is running she suddenly trips and falls over, screaming in agonizing pain. She looks down at her leg to see it caught in a bear trap, blood gushing out. She is screams again and looks back to the car, seeing the KILLER slowly walking towards her. She begins panting, and starts to crawl as fast as he can. She drags the bear trap(blood still gushing from her wound) as she tries to get away. She can hear the KILLER walking behind her, slowly making up ground.

Suddenly a hand grabs her by the hair and pulls her upright. The KILLER slashes her throat and waits as the blood rushes from her throat and the life drains from her eyes. After a few seconds he lets go of her and she falls to the ground.

SMASH CUT

INT. DAMON’S BEDROOM

DAMON wakes up, gasping for air. He looks around and holds his head.



DAMON(V.O)
These visions keep getting more vivid by the day

He limps to his bathroom, opens the cabinet and grabs his pills. When he shuts the mirror he sees the KILLER staring at him, eyes red as ever. He punches the mirror, shattering it instantly. He holds his bloody hand and winces. He looks at the shattered mirror, the KILLER’s image gone.

DAMON(V.O)
(hopefully)
Tomorrow this will all be over. I finally have them.

He grabs some bandages from the medicine cabinet, wraps his hand up and takes his pills. Finally he goes back to his bed and goes back to sleep.

CUT TO:

EXT. FOREST-DUSK

DAMON drives up in his car and stops. He looks ahead to see the KILLER standing there, waiting. He exit’s the car and walks toward the KILLER. The KILLER is grinning, his eyes that same bloodshot red.

DAMON reaches his into his coat pocket and pulls out a knife. He charges the KILLER, yelling as he stabs the knife at him, only to hit nothing and stumble over. He looks back and sees the KILLER has moved over to the other side of the forest.

DAMON(V.O)
(Frustrated)
What the hell are you?

KILLER(V.O)
(mockingly)
Whatever do you mean?

DAMON freezes, staring at the KILLER intently.

DAMON(V.O)
(angrily)
How are you doing that? How are you in my head?

KILLER(V.O)
(mockingly)
I live here

DAMON(V.O)
(angrily)
STOP PLAYING GAMES. WHY HAVE YOU DONE THIS TO ME?

KILLER(V.O)
(Innocently)
What? The visions, the murders?

DAMON(V.O)
(Angrily)
YES, YES, ALL OF IT!

KILLER(V.O)
(matter-of-factly)
Have you ever thought that maybe those visions were more than visions?

DAMON charges him again, stabbing at thin air and running into a tree. He rubs his head.

KILLER(V.O)
Smooth

DAMON(V.O)
(demanding)
How are you doing this? I want answers.

KILLER(V.O)
You want answers? Fine. Those so called “visions” are your memories.

DAMON(V.O)
(angrily)
WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU…

KILLER(V.O)
Come on DAMON. Think, think back to the day your wife died.


DAMON is standing, staring at the killer. He thinks back to the visions he has had about his wife.

FADE TO

INT. KITCHEN-NIGHT

The dream starts out the same. His wife making dinner, the front door coming open. Except this time the KILLER is not the one walking in, it is DAMON. He walks over and grabs his WIFE but in a playful way. She is laughing. She stops laughing as he grips her harder and harder. He grabs the back of her head and pushes it toward the stove. She screams his name, although it is now apparent she is asking him to stop.


FADE TO:

EXT. FOREST-DUSK

DAMON(V.O)
(disbelieving)
I…I wouldn’t

KILLER(V.O)
Of course YOU wouldn’t! But that night you had gotten home at 1:00, and that was my time.

DAMON(V.O)
It doesn’t make any sense

KILLER(V.O)
Course it does! By day you are a normal law abiding citizen.. Then when night rolls around I take over and you become a psycho killing maniac.

DAMON(V.O)
(Stuttering)
Why…Why now?

KILLER(V.O)
Now? We’ve been doing this ever since you could walk! Remember that dog who “ran away”? Or your best friend who “happened to drown?”

DAMON(V.O)
(Furious)
YOU SON OF A BITCH

KILLER(V.O)
Of course, I can’t take all the credit. You becoming a cop gave me so many new ideas! Hell, half the murders were YOU’RE ideas!

DAMON(V.O)
(putting his hands over his ears)
This can’t be true.

KILLER(V.O)
Come on, you knew it all along. You were just too afraid to admit it.

Damon locked eyes with the KILLER, before running to his car.


KILLER(V.O)
You Can’t run from yourself, Damon.

DAMON got in the car and started it. He looked over to see the KILLER in the front seat, waving at him.

KILLER(V.O)
Told ya!

DAMON turned his head back and floored the gas. He saw a big tree up ahead.

KILLER(V.O)
So that’s it huh? Your playing chicken now?

DAMON was silent focused on the tree)

KILLER(V.O)
Funny, I am not too scared.

But as they got closer to the tree, the KILLER’s smile faded.

KILLER(V.O)
(panicking)
Wait, you can’t do this. YOU CANT KILL US BO…

FADE OUT

CUT TO:

EXT. STREET-DAY

People are walking past a newspaper stand. There is a brand new paper that people are picking up. It is dated two weeks after DAMON’s death. The Headline reads “KILLER TURNS OUT TO BE PRIVATE INVESTIGATOR”. A news station is playing on the radio. Next to the newspaper stand.

News Anchor(V.O)
“Police found the body of 35 year old DAMON HILL today in his car. The man had hit a tree in the forest at what looks like 80 mph. Police have ruled it a suicide. They also claim to have found a pocket knife in his jacket pocket, one that matches the knife used to slit Amy Cullington’s throat along with her boyfriends just a month ago. DAMON HILL was widely renowned as one of the best investigators in the country, chasing this particular serial killer for over five years. No motive is apparent for the killings, as they had included DAMON’s wife of three and a half years, Mary White. One thing we do know, however, is that the serial killer that has plagued this nation for over five years has killed for the last time. Some may find it slightly ironic that the last life for him to take was his own. This is Barbara Brown, reporting for 98.7 The News.”

FADE OUT

THE END

I feel like this is the last time I am going to work on this unless there is something someone notices that I should fix. I have a ton of other ideas in my head that I should probably start working on.

(Let me know if there are any filming limitations Aero. I can definitely change it up to fit your resources).
 
Zoidberg747
Seems good either way. I keep forgetting that an audience wouldn't be reading the play and wouldn't pick up that Damon is the killer until probably much later. Stupid me.
Something that was bothering me was......What's actually wrong with Damon? When the KILLER takes over at a certain time is Damon conscious of this? If he isn't, and Damon is unaware that a KILLER lurks inside him, how is he communicating with it later? Sorry if I'm missing something here. Not used to reading things like this.

Or doesn't he recognize himself in the mirror? Maybe I'm trying too hard.
 

Zoidberg747

My blades will find your heart
Zoidberg747

Seems good either way. I keep forgetting that an audience wouldn't be reading the play and wouldn't pick up that Damon is the killer until probably much later. Stupid me.

Something that was bothering me was......What's actually wrong with Damon? When the KILLER takes over at a certain time is Damon conscious of this? If he isn't, and Damon is unaware that a KILLER lurks inside him, how is he communicating with it later? Sorry if I'm missing something here. Not used to reading things like this.
In my mind he has multiple personality disorder. Most people do not realize or remember when they have these switches. Eventually the killer becomes such a strong personality that they both cannot coexist, and both their memories start to bleed together. That is what forces the whole thing to unravel, in my mind at least.
 
Zoidberg747Think Damon might have a touch of Schizophrenia as well, along with some other brain malfuctions. It would be interesting if you could develop a unique name for Damon's medical condition and mention it maybe at the end of the story. If not, it's cool. Good work. What will you do with the story now?
Also saw some grammar issues by the beartrap, and one instance after.
 
AeroGrunt

You doin anything with Zoidberg's work?

Just rearranged 5 chapters of my stuff. It was more of a mess than I thought. Had the same shit goin on in 3 chapters at different times. Staying the hell away from trying to make the story tricky. The concepts in it are complicated enough as it is. When it's modified enough that it can be followed without much effort I'll post it again. Same thing happened last time, I added stuff that I shouldn't have. I'll get it right.
 

AeroGrunt

Stay Puft
Zoidberg747 Ththuvhul I'll have to read the new version, been busy working on a short scene for a competition. Doing Zoidberg's screenplay into a film will require a lot of planning, dont expect anything anytime soon but I'll always keep it in mind. I do have the permission to make it into a short film, right Zoidberg747 ?
 

Zoidberg747

My blades will find your heart
Zoidberg747 Ththuvhul I'll have to read the new version, been busy working on a short scene for a competition. Doing Zoidberg's screenplay into a film will require a lot of planning, dont expect anything anytime soon but I'll always keep it in mind. I do have the permission to make it into a short film, right Zoidberg747 ?
Of course. You don't have to use the new version unless you want to, I feel it is a little tacked on. Interested to see what you do with it, good luck.
 
What does everyone think about chapter length? Should I keep them consistent (8-10 pages for example) or do whatever. Right now I have chapters that are 9, 11, 14, and over 20 pages long. Do you think readers would even prefer shorter chapters? Or even none at all?
 

Mulder

King of Heroes
What does everyone think about chapter length? Should I keep them consistent (8-10 pages for example) or do whatever. Right now I have chapters that are 9, 11, 14, and over 20 pages long. Do you think readers would even prefer shorter chapters? Or even none at all?
Chapters are good for order. Long chapters I find are fine if there aren't to many of them.
 
I think my story is more linear now and easier to follow. I'll post it in a few days. Before I do I'm going to try and replace words I use excessively, and check some of the words I definitely want in the story to make sure what I've written makes sense. I hope you'll all help me with this. Anyone else make progress? I'd be more than happy to read whatever you have.
 

Zoidberg747

My blades will find your heart
This weekend is the first time I will finally be able to sit down and write again. Got an idea for a short horror story i'm going to right, will post it whenever I end up finishing.
 
Ha. I changed Valkyries too. They are now called Mystrasyes. I've also added a mysterious character called Dhzvhtynzal. Chapters were reduced from 15 to 8. But I may break it up more. I'll see what people think.