Batman. Before the fight, he hires an al-Qaeda terrorist to dress up as himself and gives him a Kryptonite dynamite vest. When the fight starts, Superman is actually fighting the fake al-Qaeda Batman. When Superman grabs him by the neck, the terrorist sets off his Kryptonite dynamite vest and kills them both.
But wait! One week before the fight, they take DNA off the heroes faces to determine that their identities are true. Since Batman wasn't in the fight himself, wouldn't he be disqualified? No, because the morning of the fight when Superman was washing his face with Proactiv, he failed to notice that Batman emptied out his Proactiv and busted a nut in the container. Therefore when they did the DNA test, the results showed that Batman was actually fighting a terrorist, and Superman was absent. Therefore Superman actually got disqualified even though Batman wasn't there either.
But WAIT! How can Batman hire an al-Qaeda terrorist for x amount of money to kill himself? You can't use money in the afterlife! Not true...Batman created holy currency that flies up with you when you go to the afterlife.
BUT WAIT! Since the DNA samples came in before the fight & Superman was disqualified, then why did Superman fight the terrorist in the first place? Because Batman paid off the DNA testers to keep their mouths shut until after the fight.
BBBBBUUUUUUTTTTTT WAIT! How did Batman break into Superman's room to empty out his Proactiv when he didn't have the key? Cause he had a shrink ray to shrink himself and walk under the gap between the bottom of the door, and the carpet.
BBBBBUUUUUUTTTTTT WWWWWAAAAAIIIIIIITTTTTTT! If Batman was tiny when he broke into Superman's room, how did he empty that container of Proactiv and manage to bust enough nuts to fill up the whole container? Because he took Roids before he shrunk himself, so he was able to lift up the container and empty it out into the sink. Superman left a picture of an 8 year old boy on the counter next to the Proactiv container, so Batman was able to bust enough nuts to fill the whole container.
BBBBBUUUUUUUUUUTTTTTTTTT WWWWWAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTTTTT!
If Batman is a pedophile, then what did he do to Robin when Robin was at his side? O la la I can't go there my friend, but it was pretty sketchy that's for sure.
That's just sick! BUT WAIT!!! There's still ONE LAST DILEMMA! If Batman made it seem like he was in the fight against a terrorist and he supposedly died when the terrorist killed himself, then that means Batman has to go into hiding since everyone thinks he dead. So what does Batman the pedophile do now that he can no longer defend Gotham?
