Competitive fighting, anxiety and anger management.

[GeoffBedlam]

Note: This is gonna be a little personal. And probably pretty long, so I don't even expect anyone to really read it all. I don't wanna divulge too much information about myself but, long story short, I'm a very anxious person. I've also got a bit of a temper on me, as much as I hate to admit it. I figured that with the deeply personal thread Vagrant did recently, maybe I can reach out and put some of what's going on with me on the table. Hopefully I'll get a little help with it all or at least have someone that relates to it. This'll probably just be taken down or you'll think I'm some kind of loser, but whatever. I gotta get it out there.

I've been out of competitive play for a while now, simply because of these traits of mine have become even more apparent over the last year or so. Before then, I was able to run long sets and jump right into Ranked without literally being on the verge of a panic attack. Sure, sometimes I'm in a good enough mood were I can play a dozen games with a buddy of mine, but for the most part I can't go anywhere near a fighting game without my anxiety kicking in.

Back in my golden days of MK 9 and I:GAU, I was a pretty good player. Not amazing, but I could hold my own against high-level players, and that's something I'm really proud of. I've never really been "pretty good" at anything, so to go toe-to-toe with the best player in my country in MK 9 and put up a decent fight means a lot to me. It's all turned to shit though in, like I said, the last year. I just freeze and worry and think I'm being judged negatively for it all. It's hard to even explain it, really.

Then there's the anger that comes with it. Like pretty much everyone, I have insecurities. The most predominant of which is not being as good as I once was. It's probably my biggest weakness. These days I get hot-headed far too quickly because I'm already anxious, so I end up making a lot of mistakes and not thinking clearly at all. It also doesn't help that here in Australia there's barely any offline scene (that I know of), which restricts me to pretty much nothing but online play. Just like the anxiety, it's hard to explain. I get so worked up and angry that I go beyond the point of rational thinking and convince myself that whoever I'm facing off against legitimately has something personal against me (which can be the case when playing online thanks to trolls and the like).

If you've read this far, you're probably thinking I'm not fun to play against at all. In which you would be completely right (well, I'm pretty free at this point, so the wins might amuse you). That's the key word here, though; fun. I don't get any of it from playing fighting games anymore except for them few times here with my buddy. I mean, I had a set with him in K.I the other night and, despite losing something like 14-3, I was having a lot of fun. I miss having fun.

With MK X dropping about two months, I want to be able to fully invest myself in the competitive aspect of it and get back into the swing of things. I'm not going to be able to do that if I can't pull myself together.

This is honestly just me kind rambling here, so if some things don't make sense, my bad. I just felt like I need to get this off of my chest. And if you've read this far, thanks.

 

[Shaazzyam]

It sounds like you base your self-esteem on how well you do in fighting games. Maybe you should take a break.

 

[TotteryManx]

I suffer from G.A.D. but I never get angry or feel like a online opponent has a personal problem with me. Maybe you should take a break for a little bit to alleviate the pressure.

 

[Doombawkz]

Taking a break is the best bet.

Also perhaps you should look into getting a training partner. Not someone you play against for the sake of doing sets, but just to help ease into the MKX pool. Having someone learning alongside you really helped me when I had the same issues.

 

[GeoffBedlam]

It sounds like you base your self-esteem on how well you do in fighting games. Maybe you should take a break.

There's a lot more to my self-esteem than just how well I do in fighting games hahaha

And I have been on somewhat of a break. Over the last six months or so I've been on and off, playing casually here and there. Should have clarified that.

 

[Endding]

:[

Me, Justin, Ray, and Jigsaw have been hitting up MK9. You're more than welcome to join :]

 

[ChatterBox]

Hey man, brave post.

Seems like now that you've identified the symptoms you should work on solving the problem. I mean this as nicely as I can, if playing a video game online fills you with anxiety and rage then please get help. Go to therapy if you can, or some sort of informal counsellor if that makes you feel more comfortable. No one should have to live like that if you can fix it.

Regardless, good luck and I hope you get back to having fun!

 

[GeoffBedlam]

:[

Me, Justin, Ray, and Jigsaw have been hitting up MK9. You're more than welcome to join :]

Thanks, man. I don't have it anymore, unfortunately haha

 

[GeoffBedlam]

Hey man, brave post.

Seems like now that you've identified the symptoms you should work on solving the problem. I mean this as nicely as I can, if playing a video game online fills you with anxiety and rage then please get help. Go to therapy if you can, or some sort of informal counsellor if that makes you feel more comfortable. No one should have to live like that if you can fix it.

Regardless, good luck and I hope you get back to having fun!

No offense taken, man. I didn't wanna mention it but, yeah, I've been in therapy for a long time. I've even bought up this specific problem with him and, while he's given me a lot of insight on it, I still struggle dealing with it.

 

[EMPRESS_SunFire]

Just flip your hair, it always works! HappinessIsOnlyAHairflipAway.

 

[ChatterBox]

No offense taken, man. I didn't wanna mention it but, yeah, I've been in therapy for a long time. I've even bought up this specific problem with him and, while he's given me a lot of insight on it, I still struggle dealing with it.

Good for you! Then the only other advice I'd give is to stay patient with yourself and play with friends offline more often, as I think that's the most fun way to play FGs.

 

[Shaazzyam]

There's a lot more to my self-esteem than just how well I do in fighting games hahaha

And I have been on somewhat of a break. Over the last six months or so I've been on and off, playing casually here and there. Should have clarified that.

Well, why are you doing things you don't/can't enjoy anymore instead of things you actually do enjoy if not for some kind of self-validation?

There's plenty of other hobbies out there.

 

[GeoffBedlam]

Well, why are you doing things you don't/can't enjoy anymore instead of things you actually do enjoy if not for some kind of validation?

There's plenty of hobbies out there.

Well, because I miss the fun I had playing at that high level and having fun while doing it. To be honest with you, I don't have much else going on right now, so it's been hard to find other hobbies. It isn't all about the validation, that was just a nice bonus.

 

[GeoffBedlam]

Good for you! Then the only other advice I'd give is to stay patient with yourself and play with friends offline more often, as I think that's the most fun way to play FGs.

It definitely sounds like it would be. I unfortunately don't have any friends that play fighting games, so there's basically no offline options for me. I'll definitely look into it, though. With MK X coming out soon, I'm sure there'd be a group of people around somewhere that would play offline.

 

[Hitoshura]

Note: This is gonna be a little personal. And probably pretty long, so I don't even expect anyone to really read it all. I don't wanna divulge too much information about myself but, long story short, I'm a very anxious person. I've also got a bit of a temper on me, as much as I hate to admit it. I figured that with the deeply personal thread Vagrant did recently, maybe I can reach out and put some of what's going on with me on the table. Hopefully I'll get a little help with it all or at least have someone that relates to it. This'll probably just be taken down or you'll think I'm some kind of loser, but whatever. I gotta get it out there.

I've been out of competitive play for a while now, simply because of these traits of mine have become even more apparent over the last year or so. Before then, I was able to run long sets and jump right into Ranked without literally being on the verge of a panic attack. Sure, sometimes I'm in a good enough mood were I can play a dozen games with a buddy of mine, but for the most part I can't go anywhere near a fighting game without my anxiety kicking in.

Back in my golden days of MK 9 and I:GAU, I was a pretty good player. Not amazing, but I could hold my own against high-level players, and that's something I'm really proud of. I've never really been "pretty good" at anything, so to go toe-to-toe with the best player in my country in MK 9 and put up a decent fight means a lot to me. It's all turned to shit though in, like I said, the last year. I just freeze and worry and think I'm being judged negatively for it all. It's hard to even explain it, really.

Then there's the anger that comes with it. Like pretty much everyone, I have insecurities. The most predominant of which is not being as good as I once was. It's probably my biggest weakness. These days I get hot-headed far too quickly because I'm already anxious, so I end up making a lot of mistakes and not thinking clearly at all. It also doesn't help that here in Australia there's barely any offline scene (that I know of), which restricts me to pretty much nothing but online play. Just like the anxiety, it's hard to explain. I get so worked up and angry that I go beyond the point of rational thinking and convince myself that whoever I'm facing off against legitimately has something personal against me (which can be the case when playing online thanks to trolls and the like).

If you've read this far, you're probably thinking I'm not fun to play against at all. In which you would be completely right (well, I'm pretty free at this point, so the wins might amuse you). That's the key word here, though; fun. I don't get any of it from playing fighting games anymore except for them few times here with my buddy. I mean, I had a set with him in K.I the other night and, despite losing something like 14-3, I was having a lot of fun. I miss having fun.

With MK X dropping about two months, I want to be able to fully invest myself in the competitive aspect of it and get back into the swing of things. I'm not going to be able to do that if I can't pull myself together.

This is honestly just me kind rambling here, so if some things don't make sense, my bad. I just felt like I need to get this off of my chest. And if you've read this far, thanks.

For real, this is pretty much describes how I felt when I was in VSM during the MK9 days. I went through something similar where I was a nobody, who had a nobody job, and made nobody pay. I came to a community of skilled fg players and hold my own and I begin to experience some feelings I haven't felt in a while. Players were socializing with me, I befriended some people. I felt like I had a lot of people I could connect with. I'm not one with a lot of friends. I'm kind of a homebody. After some time my skills increased, but only for a short duration. I became burdened with school work and other things that were plaguing my life at the time. I stopped practicing and lost my skill in MK9, however, I still ran my mouth on the track meet. I couldn't keep up with players anymore. My tournament nerves grew like an unwanted lipoma that I couldn't get rid of. I began to think I was being judged by other players and stream monsters at VSM streams. So, to compensate for that I began to boast about myself, started to act out like a child, and even tried to start drama with a few people. After some time, I saw what kind of person I became. I was a sad sack of flesh who couldn't hold a candle to other players. My jealousy got the best a me and I made a fool of myself. I didn't feel comfortable being around people I used to socialize with, so I left and promised myself I wouldn't show my face until I could better myself.

I can say now I'm more comfortable with myself than I ever have been before. You may need to do some soul searching yourself and disappear for a while. If you decide to do some soul searching keep this mind. It's just a video game. Don't let the stress of the fgc get to you. Just play the game for yourself if you want to play it competitively. Don't play just because you want to impress some people. I kept telling myself this and it worked for me. May work for you as well.

 

[PainForge]

I know your story all too well Geoff. I was diagnosed with severe obsessive compulsive disorder at 15 and I'm 31 now. I never knew such a thing even existed and it's been nothing but hell since. My downfalls have been tremendous and up until recently, I took it upon my self to take back control of my life. And although I'm nowhere near to where I"d like to be in regards to my place in the world, I'm always trying to move forward. As I know that you and others know, sometimes the things we believe to a curse are actually life lessons in disguise. Be good to one another.

 

[GeoffBedlam]

For real, this is pretty much describes how I felt when I was in VSM during the MK9 days. I went through something similar where I was a nobody, who had a nobody job, and made nobody pay. I came to a community of skilled fg players and hold my own and I begin to experience some feelings I haven't felt in a while. Players were socializing with me, I befriended some people. I felt like I had a lot of people I could connect with. I'm not one with a lot of friends. I'm kind of a homebody. After some time my skills increased, but only for a short duration. I became burdened with school work and other things that were plaguing my life at the time. I stopped practicing and lost my skill in MK9, however, I still ran my mouth on the track meet. I couldn't keep up with players anymore. My tournament nerves grew like an unwanted lipoma that I couldn't get rid of. I began to think I was being judged by other players and stream monsters at VSM streams. So, to compensate for that I began to boast about myself, started to act out like a child, and even tried to start drama with a few people. After some time, I saw what kind of person I became. I was a sad sack of flesh who couldn't hold a candle to other players. My jealousy got the best a me and I made a fool of myself. I didn't feel comfortable being around people I used to socialize with, so I left and promised myself I wouldn't show my face until I could better myself.

I can say now I'm more comfortable with myself than I ever have been before. You may need to do some soul searching yourself and disappear for a while. If you decide to do some soul searching keep this mind. It's just a video game. Don't let the stress of the fgc get to you. Just play the game for yourself if you want to play it competitively. Don't play just because you want to impress some people. I kept telling myself this and it worked for me. May work for you as well.

That's pretty big of you to admit your faults. Props for that, man. I, however, took a different route once things started getting bad. I became a recluse and would flat-out avoid playing people. I can't remember the amount of times I've deleted everyone on my friends list just to re-add them all again a week later. I've basically done the same thing, though. I don't feel like I can hold a candle to the guys I used to play, so I've faded into obscurity for the time being.

I have been soul searching for quite some time now. Mostly on other matters, but on this as well. I've failed to keep the mindset that it's just a game that's meant to be there for fun. Now that I'm more aware, I'll hopefully be on the right track towards getting back to that mindset.

I know you're story all too well Geoff. I was diagnosed with severe obsessive compulsive disorder at 15 and I'm 31 now. I never knew such a thing even existed and it's been nothing but hell since. My downfalls have been tremendous and up until recently I took it upon my self to take back control of my life. And although I'm nowhere near to where I"d like to be in regards to my place in the world, I'm always trying to move forward. As I know that you and others know, sometimes the things we believe to a curse are actually life lessons in disguise. Be good to one another.

Man, and I thought I had a lot on my plate. Well said, though. I'm a pretty big advocate on "Treats others how you would want to be treated", so I can relate in that sense.

 

[looktotheluna]

I have a friend I have known for over 19 years who plays and studies fighting games, yet I can count on one hand that we may have fought each other 4 times. He takes getting beat seriously and refuses to play anyone let alone online users.

personally, I think think he is in the autism spectrum, as he has issues with people in general but out of respect, I have never mentioned it.

 

[Hitoshura]

That's pretty big of you to admit your faults. Props for that, man. I, however, took a different route once things started getting bad. I became a recluse and would flat-out avoid playing people. I can't remember the amount of times I've deleted everyone on my friends list just to re-add them all again a week later. I've basically done the same thing, though. I don't feel like I can hold a candle to the guys I used to play, so I've faded into obscurity for the time being.

I have been soul searching for quite some time now. Mostly on other matters, but on this as well. I've failed to keep the mindset that it's just a game that's meant to be there for fun. Now that I'm more aware, I'll hopefully be on the right track towards getting back to that mindset.

The first step to better yourself is to admit what was wrong with you in the first place. I have no problem saying how much of a tool bag I was during the MK9 days. I'm surprised people put with my absurdities for so long. It's good that you can admit what you've done wrong as well. I know what you mean about the "fun" mindset with fighters. You want to have fun, but in order to have fun you have to be competitive and being competitive means you have to put in work. After a while the game loses it's luster and becomes just a catalyst for stress.

 

[BRUTALITY]

lets not embellish the truth now, you never played a tournament and certainly could not roll with australian top players, i know because i have played you.

but if you are interested in coming out and playing games instead of online, youd be welcomed by AUSFGC

and Lol who is this best in the country bullshit because i swear to god if you are talking about Nader i will weep.

 

[Solo]

You said "competitive" in your OP, and people who are typically competitive usually aims to win.

Honestly, you just have to train yourself mentally to relax. Your best bet would be playing shorter sets. That way, you won't get so invested to whatever your opponent does it start pissing you off.

Me, I only do FT5 against most, unless I'm personally enjoying the matches or they ask for more.

 

[BRUTALITY]

and also my 2¢ of advice is to stop caring about losing and actually invite loss. every time you lose you should gobble up the tasty losing flavour and crave more until you become desensitised to losing. of course you should learn from your mistakes.

my second advice is stop playing ranked forever because its full of scrubminded score whores

 

[Enigma642]

I always get nervous before a match begins...even if it is a meaningless online match against some random opponent that I will never see or speak to in real life. You aren't alone there.

Lots of people rage online. I know from the messages I receive and the way people behave. There many opponents who, it seems, literally hate my guts after a short online set. It seems ridiculous, but there is something about it that pisses people off.

I even get a little salty sometimes. Especially if I feel a lesser skilled player bodies me using improper tactics or something. Lag definitely adds another layer of frustration. And then there are those that will win one match in very fortunate fashion, and quit without giving you a rematch. Long story short, there are lots of frustrating things that happen online. I will get super pissed for very brief moments.....but I usually get over it after about 30 seconds and move on.

One defense mechanism that I use, which always makes me feel better, is I tell myself that losing makes me better. I keep playing, even if I am losing, thinking that I am getting better because of it (and usually I'm right). That helps alleviate any negative feelings very quickly.

Anyway, I guess I am just saying that I understand that those types of feelings are invoked by fighting games, and I can definitely see how, if you are more susceptible to those types of reactions, it could be a tough problem to overcome.

You have taken a step in the right direction by acknowledging the problem, and I hope that you find a way to let some of those feelings and reactions slide off of you so that you can enjoy fighting games.

 

[xWildx]

The important thing is to remember it's just a video game. Keep that in your head at all times. Even if someone deletes you from everything on false pretense because of a PSN glitch then tells you how salty YOU are.

People be trippin'.

 

[Yoaks]

I can kinda relate. I was heavily into CoD Black Ops and Gears of War 3 when those games were popular and I would rage at the stupidest things. Eventually I got tired of those games and only play them casually. Getting into Igau helped with my anger. I know that I actually didn't have a problem with anger issues cause I wasn't getting angry a whole lot when playing Igau cause 90% of my loses were because of me. Where playing CoD or Gears you have a team and alot can happen. You have a shitty team or your playing against either a reallly good team or a team that exploits broken mechanics within the game and that stuff would cause me to get super angry!

Within the last 2 years I've probably only gotten really angry 2 times while playing. And they'res not a whole lot that gets me mad when playing Igau. I still get salty but I've developed the attitude of "It's only online. Who cares?"

Before I would only play my main on ppl so I could have the best chance at winning. Cause it meant that much to me. I needed to body everyone I came across.
Now I just play my alts online. Mainly to have fun. The only real time I get serious or pull out my main character is too either learn a mu or someone sends me a message saying they want to play my main.

Also playing at GGA the past 2 weeks was great. I've gotten bodied everytime I've gone they're but I haven't gotten mad or salty once.

Alot of it is just playing casuals and having that guy next to you who has the same love of the game as you do and is willing to give you tips on how to fight they're character.

Hope you find a way that can help you out. Maybe play while listening to music? Best of luck to you man!