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Funny stories about your spouse!

Jimmypotato

Jimmypotato

Mid Tier
lol we get some pretty big ones, the fact she gets the cup on them is impressive,

My 2 year old son just stomps the shit outta them lol
 
GamerBlake90

GamerBlake90

Blue Blurs for Life!
TakeAChance xQUANTUMx

The talk of killing mice and bugs reminds me of two incidents I absolutely have to share here, LMAO. Technically they are not with a spouse, rather with my mother, but we can let that slide, right?

1) This dates back...I think to 2010 or the very start of 2011, not sure, but this was definitely before I moved up to Oklahoma City. One day when my mother and I got back from handling our business with college loans, I went up the stairs to my bedroom (we lived in a two-story house at the time). Then suddenly I hear, "OH MY GOD! BLAAAAKE!" and I come rushing downstairs to discover that this HUGE-ASS rat was lying on its back inside a kitchen drawer, having killed itself by eating the poisonous sack we laid out for it. She was freaking and shaking so bad that I had to console her while I got a plastic sack to collect the rat's corpse with and dunk it in the garbage.

2) Quite the opposite of the previous item, this happened not long after we made our move to OKC. We were still in the process of arranging things in our new home, though I admit I wasn't available most of the time 'cause MK9 was in control of my soul. However, one evening my mother had gone to use the restroom and right when she finished, she discovered that a black garter snake had somehow invaded the bathroom and encircled itself around the toilet bowl. Care to guess her reaction? That's right: scream in shock and run out of there, but I admit I would have been startled as well. By the time I got some calm in the house, I took matters into my own hands and entered the room to notice that the snake had gone and crawled into the bathtub. Using a blunt-edged samurai sword my sister was in possession of at the time, I proceeded to beat the ever-living shit out of the snake with no mercy whatsoever. Had to wash the tub out afterwards, 'cause there was blood everywhere when I finished. Ever since that night, I was dubbed the Snake Killer.

...makes me think of MGS 3: Snake Eater now that I'm remembering the incident, but I don't eat snakes. I kill their asses. *brandishes his sword like a thug*
 
Error

Error

DF2+R2
Jimmypotato said:
I read somewhere the average person eats like 20 spiders during sleep in their life time without knowing it.
Click to expand...
This was made up to prove that people are likely to believe any bs statistic they hear/read.

I mean, with natural selection and such, why would a spider crawl into something's mouth?
 
Hobozzzx

Hobozzzx

Up the Irons!!!
GamerBlake90 said:
I hate to confess a childish fear on my part, but the only bugs I hate are those that can STING you. Anytime I am in the vicinity of such a thing, I freeze up. Got stung twice in my childhood, once when I was eight and once when I was twelve, and both times were by a wasp. This has caused me to instinctively develop defensive mechanisms against such abominations.

So that being said, I sympathize with the woman being so nervous about the hornet or whatever it was she found, but this was indeed a funny read. :D
Click to expand...
I too hate anything that can sting me. My hatred goes back to when I was 5 or 6 I think. Was at a carnival with my parents and grandparents and I ended up getting stung just ABOVE MY FUCKING EYE by a yellow jacket.


^How I feel about things that can sting me.
 
MorbidAltruism

MorbidAltruism

Get over here!
I don't know... I have always been a pussy. If a spider/wasp/whatever comes in... it was always my sister/mom/gf that killed it. I am a bitch. :(
 
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