Funny stories about your spouse!

[TakeAChance]

Let's be serious here for a moment.
I honestly think that's a very revealing story...

"Grab a broom and kill it" ...?
"Or grab the vacuum and suck it up" ...?

Like, seriously dude? These are the first two weapons of defense, when you have your wife in mind?
Were you also wondering how your wife was able to discover the monster from the kitchen? HELL, WHAT IF SHE WASN'T IN THE KITCHEN? Did you get your sandwich, when you got home?

You're a macho, TakeAChance, you're a macho! Your wife needs someone who is more sensitive and understands her feelings.

How the fuck does this man still have an account?

 

[DeadlyCreampuff]

I DID! but jerks like you keep commenting my shit and bringing me back!!!

Never leave, your stuck here like the rest of us :3

 

[MashPotatoTower]

 

[Trini_Bwoi]

Replace all references to insects with "dick", the story becomes infinitely more funny.

 

[GamerBlake90]

I hate to confess a childish fear on my part, but the only bugs I hate are those that can STING you. Anytime I am in the vicinity of such a thing, I freeze up. Got stung twice in my childhood, once when I was eight and once when I was twelve, and both times were by a wasp. This has caused me to instinctively develop defensive mechanisms against such abominations.

So that being said, I sympathize with the woman being so nervous about the hornet or whatever it was she found, but this was indeed a funny read.

 

[TakeAChance]

I hate to confess a childish fear on my part, but the only bugs I hate are those that can STING you. Anytime I am in the vicinity of such a thing, I freeze up. Got stung twice in my childhood, once when I was eight and once when I was twelve, and both times were by a wasp. This has caused me to instinctively develop defensive mechanisms against such abominations.

So that being said, I sympathize with the woman being so nervous about the hornet or whatever it was she found, but this was indeed a funny read.

Wasps are the worst things to get stung by so I sympathize. Hornets aren't so bad. Definitely a jolt, but wasps are far worse.

 

[Mattman]

Wasps are the worst things to get stung by so I sympathize. Hornets aren't so bad. Definitely a jolt, but wasps are far worse.

my nephews 5th birthday party was held at a location that was very close to a wasp nest. ever since that day, when i think of wasps, i think of little people piloting tiny Kamikaze fighter jets or something. they are nuts

 

[TakeAChance]

Update- The creature has died inside the vacuum.

The world will never again be plagued by this menacing villian.

 

[Mattman]

this is like Cloverfield 2 lol

 

[Cat]

Wheres all the girlfriend stories? Lol.

Funny thing my girlfriend sent me 2 days ago.

Babe since Father's Day is this weekend I would just like to congratulate you on not being a father my cycle started like an hour ago. Good job!! haha lets keep up the good work for another safe year

Haha.
Sent from my SCH-I545 using Tapatalk 2

 

[TakeAChance]

Wheres all the girlfriend stories? Lol.

Funny thing my girlfriend sent me 2 days ago.

Babe since Father's Day is this weekend I would just like to congratulate you on not being a father my cycle started like an hour ago. Good job!! haha lets keep up the good work for another safe year

Haha.
Sent from my SCH-I545 using Tapatalk 2

Anti-Fathers Day.

 

[Lumpymoomilk]

This is the last funny story I had of my wife and I

Her: I think we should get a divorce.
Me: Agreed, you're kind of a bitch

The end.

 

[Zoidberg747]

My girlfriend is really dumb. She runs into doors all the time, yells at her own reflection. She always wants to go on walks and other shit, eats like crazy too. One time I left half a sandwich sitting on the couch and she straight up ate it. Maybe it's karma for all those make me a sandwich jokes, idk. I also suspect she has been chasing some tail recently....


Oh and yeah she's a dog. I am very lonely.

I do not have sex with my dog

 

[Jack Slate]

So what kind of bug did it end up being? Was it a hornet, wasp, or a grasshopper?

 

[TakeAChance]

So what kind of bug did it end up being? Was it a hornet, wasp, or a grasshopper?

I guess it was a massive hornet. I haven't gotten home yet to have a look at the monster personally.

 

[xQUANTUMx]

I have these kinds of conversations with the wife all the time. Glad to know I'm not alone when you have to kill one bug. ONE.

 

[TakeAChance]

I have these kinds of conversations with the wife all the time. Glad to know I'm not alone when you have to kill one bug. ONE.

No mice yet in the house, I will rue that day.

 

[xQUANTUMx]

No mice yet in the house, I will rue that day.

you will....and it will be at the most innoportune moment too, like you're about to pull a real master clutch win online or some shit, and you have to leave/quit/lose bc the missus wont touch the rodent/bug, YOU have to do it. And her freak out and decibel level increase is directly proportional to how long you wait to deal with it.

 

[TakeAChance]

you will....and it will be at the most innoportune moment too, like you're about to pull a real master clutch win online or some shit, and you have to leave/quit/lose bc the missus wont touch the rodent/bug, YOU have to do it. And her freak out and decibel level increase is directly proportional to how long you wait to deal with it.

We had one in the car last summer. It was hilarious. She was around 2 months pregnant, and she used to bring crackers in because she craved them. She got in the car one day and the whole side of it was eaten out. I set traps in the car but she would NOT drive it until we caught the little fella lol.

 

[TakeAChance]

What we see:

What they see:

 

[Zoidberg747]

I had a female teacher who was afraid of cockroaches. Me and my friend painted a rock brown and told her it was a cockroach. She ran out of the room and we got out of class that day.

I have always wondered why women get so scared of cockroaches, men too. I mean they live like 3 days and are harmless.

 

[Jimmypotato]

LMFAO, what in the sweet baby christ,

This is the first I've heard of someone vaccuming up a damn Bee, well hornet.

Women and bugs man, now that my daughter is almost 4, and its summer time, my house has gotten loud whenever there is a spider beetle, ant or any other poor creature that happens along their path.

I feel like a hired hitman whenever she finds one, and I feel bad that I have to be sent in for the kill, but one must do what one must do for the ladys in there life.

I can't really think of any super funny story with my wife, she usually just puts cups over them till I get home, then has me do the deed. She thinks spiders will crawl in her ear and kill her in her sleep though, so thats kinda funny.

I read somewhere the average person eats like 20 spiders during sleep in their life time without knowing it.

 

[TakeAChance]

I would have renamed the reopened thread...Cloverfield 2...Godzilla Hornet.

 

[Living Corpse]

Wife: You need to wake up.

Wakes up, remembers that he isn't married and thus wife was just imagination

Forever alone

 

[Living Corpse]

I can't really think of any super funny story with my wife, she usually just puts cups over them till I get home, then has me do the deed. She thinks spiders will crawl in her ear and kill her in her sleep though, so thats kinda funny.

I read somewhere the average person eats like 20 spiders during sleep in their life time without knowing it.

She can't just put paper under the cup and throw the spider outside? That's what everyone in my family does. Now centipedes on the other hand we just kill.

The eating spiders thing is a myth.