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Crazy Stories Thread

DJ L Toro

DJ L Toro

Warrior
quandaghost said:
Nah there was no way she was going to get it raw. If I'm gonna risk getting someone pregnant i wanna be able to look at them on constant basis, and not be like why the hell did I do that.
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ial, damn that's so messed up... but i have the same rule though, haha
 
Prinz

Prinz

watch?v=a8PEVV6tt14
While I was a student, I worked with the head of the department at one one of my University's departments. Mostly working on writing and translating articles. One day, one pharmaceutical company representant came and proposed us to conduct a study. So my chief accepted and we started working. One of the tasks was to complete some patients' forms. Since my chief was a head department, a respected doctor and he had employees, he told one of the doctors in his hospital to do this work. This doctor girl, lets name her Eve, she and I were emotionally very close (since she was married it's hard to get closer), we were in a very good relationship. But I didn't know my cheif delegated the work to her.
So, one day, I come to visit her as usual, and she says: "You know I'm doing your work, right? I'm filling all this paper work for you, you lazy boy". She said it in a flirty way, kinda to mess around with me, but me, don't know why I thought that at the moment, knowing I will get paid for her work I started thinking: "If she's doing my work (which she was), I'll go to my chief and tell him to pay her some money for the work". I go to mr. B (my chief) and ask him "Is Eve really doing my work? She said she is, so I'm thinking she should get rewarded somehow so she doesn't remain unrewarded". He looked at me like O_O and said: "How dares she say that. She should do her work and not say anything. I'll show her". It is then when I realized I did some shit.
He went and called her in his office, where I was waiting, and said to her: "How can you not be happy with the work I'm giving you? All of this is done for the University's department (which really wasn't). If I gave you the work it means you should do it and nobody else..." and some other stuff. Then he asked me something in relation to Eve and I didn't know what answer and just smiled and lifted my shoulders.
Then, Eve started to justify herself and when she was finished she looked right in my eyes and asked: "Why did you do this?" and started crying. Then she exited the office.
I have to say, this was one of the few moments in my life when I felt like a complete piece of shit. All this happened on a Tuesday and on Friday I didn't go to work. So from Tuesday till Monday I felt like a complete piece of shit, on Monday I tried to look at Eve when I saw her so I can apologize or something, but didn't even want to see me.
Seeing this, I thought I should give her some time to cool off. For 2-3 weeks we didn't talk at all, although I tried to make contact I got only a few looks at the end (which was encouraging).
So, after these 2-3 weeks, I thought it was the right time to go and do something. I took 2 or 3 candies of different colors (we both like candy and when we meet we serve chocolate and stuff to each other), stopped her in the corridor and I put out my hand without saying anything. She looked at my hand, then at me, I don't remember her saying anything, but she picked one of the candies, smiled, said thanks and went her way. Since then, I started going to her more and more and our relationship improved.
Today it's all cool, still hitting on her and she still feeds me chocolate when we meet :)
 
K7L33THA

K7L33THA

Grapple > Footsies
FrothyOmen said:
This isn't the most awkward for me, but it's the most current as it's happening right now, so I'll start with this.

Some girl added me on facebook randomly at the beginning of the summer. We had a half dozen friends in common, figured maybe I'd met her drunk at a party and forgotten, so I added her. Haven't heard from her ever until this evening, she messages me on facebook so we start talking a bit. Every other word out of her mouth is "cutiepie", "you're so handsome", etc. Basically I have her eating out of the palm of my hand, except she just sort of started sending all that to me outta nowhere. Unsolicited. So, we talk a bit more and I figure "Well, shit. She's from back home and isn't anywhere near me at college. This is worthless."

Then, it dawns on me. Seasons Beatings is next weekend. I'm going to be home. myluckyday.jpg

I tell her that I'm going to get off FB because I'm heading out, which I'm not, so she should give me her number. I got it and texted her something funny from our conversation so she knew it was me. Here is a transcript of our conversation up to this point. It gets really awkward really fast...

Her: Hey baybay :) how are you handsome?
FO: finally inebriated lol
Her: Send me a pic of you :)
FO: go on my fb
Her: Nooooo
FO: you first
Her: *sends picture*
FO: Damn that was fast lol
Her: your turn!
FO: the camera on my phone is broken (obvious lie)
FO: sends old picture of self with other girl
Her: Thanks babe :) You're very handsome :) I can't wait to see your face in person
FO: Hehe thanks, too bad we never did anything over the summer
Her: I'm surprised you even want to talk to me, but I'm a happy camper now. :) we're gonna have good times
FO: Lol why surprised?
Her: I don't know, cause we never really talked before. I didn't think you were interested. But you are ;)
>ORLY.JPG
FO: Hehe, you're the one that added me outta the blue then never said anything to me. We'll decide that next weekend when i'm home
Her: Maybe I was shy :p I'm so pumped to meet your ass
FO: I do have a nice ass.....
Her: You'll like my booty, I bet you'll look
FO: Oh yeah?
Her: I am sure of it
Her: *sends picture of ass in yoga pants. Not too great*
FO: Lol daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaamn
Her: Like it? yes, no, maybe so?
FO: That's a butt alright! Lol I'm so surprised you sent me that. Want a picture of mine?
Her: you really are something special
FO: I prefer handicapable.
Her: hahahahaha

Oh god all I can hear is K7 saying "You'll like my booty, I bet you'll look" on repeat over and over and over with Slips laughing up a storm. I feel so bad for laughing so hard. This is so weird. I'll add more as the conversation progresses

Please, share your strange/awkward stories. I want to read them and make fun of you for them ^^;
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WTF? :oops:
 
PND OmegaK

PND OmegaK

Drunk and Orderly
I went on a school trip to a theme park once and whilst there I met a girl that my best friend was currently dating at the time. I'd never seen her before, but she introduced herself since she'd recognised me and even though I didn't know her we really hit it off. So we spend the day together and she starts hugging me and holding my hand and stuff every so often, so I say 'I'm not sure we should be doing this, with you and X and all', but she says its ok because they had broken up the night before. At this point I'm undecided but being the cunt that I am I decide to go along with it and by the end of the day we're making out. I saw my friend the next day and told him I didn't know they'd broken up and he replied with 'we haven't'.


It was an awkward couple of days.
 
BillStickers

BillStickers

Do not touch me again.
Bloodninja: I lick your earlobe, and undo your watch.
Sarah19fca: mmmm, okay.
Bloodninja: I take yo pants off, grunting like a troll.
Sarah19fca: Yeah I like it rough.
Bloodninja: I smack you thick booty.
Sarah19fca: Oh yeah, that feels good.
Bloodninja: Smack, Smack, yeeeaahhh.
Bloodninja: I make some toast and eat it off your ass. Land O' Lakes butter all in your crack. Mmmm.
Sarah19fca: you like that?
Bloodninja: I peel some bananas.
Sarah19fca: Oh, what are you gonna do with those?
Bloodninja: get me peanuts. Peanuts from the ballpark.
Sarah19fca: Peanuts?
Bloodninja: Ken Griffey Jr. Yeaaaaahhh.
Sarah19fca: What are you talking about?
Bloodninja: I'm spent, I jump down into the alley and smoke a fatty. I throw rocks at the cats.
Sarah19fca: This is stupid.
Bloodninja: Stone Cold Steve Austin gives me some beer.
Bloodninja: Wanna Wrestle Stone Cold?
Bloodninja: Yeeaahhhh.
Sarah19fca: /ignore
Bloodninja: Its cool stone cold she was a bitch anyway.
Bloodninja: We get on harleys and ride into the sunset.
 
ABACABB

ABACABB

End Of Humanity
Derpin Errday said:
A year ago I was sick with the flu and was taking some pills to help me feel better.The day after taking the pills I headed over to Wal-Mart to get some groceries.Then I hear the giant rumble of doom within me.I thought it was just gas so I went to an empty aisle and let it out.

Turn out those pills gave me EXPLOSIVE DIARRHEA AND I SHIT ALL OVER THE FLOOR...

and FUCK was it loud...loud enough for an employee from another aisle to come and see what had happened thinking something might have fallen or something of the sort.Then he called it in over the loud speaker asking for his manager and a cleanup (not saying what I had done,just that the aisle need a cleanup).They then escorted me out of the store crap still dripping from my shorts and me crying from embarrassment while everyone is staring at me like I'm a maniac.

I just went back for the first time about a month ago and the manager STILL remembered me as "The guy who shit all over the furniture aisle".(I heard him talking about it and he was also looking at me oddly).

I am NEVER going back there.Ever.EEEEEEEVVVVVVEEEERRRRR
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best one :)
 
FrothyOmen

FrothyOmen

P!
This one's from senior year of highschool. It's a pretty regular day, I'm playing soccer in gym. The ball is up in the air, and I think I'm gonna be awesome and air kick it into the goal.

I miss the ball, and kick the goalie in the face. I try to ask "are you okay?" and say "I'm so fucking sorry" at the same time. Instead, I end up yelling "ARE YOU FUCKING SORRY!?" as the goalie chokes back tears
 
Gruntypants

Gruntypants

THE MUFFINS ARE BEEFY
FrothyOmen said:
This one's from senior year of highschool. It's a pretty regular day, I'm playing soccer in gym. The ball is up in the air, and I think I'm gonna be awesome and air kick it into the goal.

I miss the ball, and kick the goalie in the face. I try to ask "are you okay?" and say "I'm so fucking sorry" at the same time. Instead, I end up yelling "ARE YOU FUCKING SORRY!?" as the goalie chokes back tears
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CopyPasta/10
 
Lt. Boxy Angelman

Lt. Boxy Angelman

I WILL EAT THIS GAME
When I was 14, me and Momma Box went to the shopping plaza in Mt. Pocono - I don't know if any of you know the area, but before they built the Supercenter, there was/is the big ass KMart, followed by Fashion Bug and a bunch of smaller stores with the McDonald's across the way. Momma went to go buy shoes, and left me to travel to KMart to get the new Coal Chamber CD and a big-ass box of Cheez-Its.
I grabbed my things, popped open the box, and started walking to and from in front of all the registers to see if there was anything useful there as I was snacking, standing in the middle of a giant fake plant display pretending to be a ficas.
All of a sudden...there was an old man, about SwiftTomHanks height, but at least 75, wearing an Undertaker hat, a jacket that looked like it came from Ben Loomis, the bad guy from I Know What You Did Last Summer, jogging shorts, and fishing boots. I shit you not, he looked like he was going to go on a serial killing spree at a senior citizens' tennis court in a hurricane. And he started walking towards me. And for a really dumb second, I said to myself "But he can't see me, I'm a ficas," but then I remembered I was in the real world, and I froze.
And he keeps walking towards me...looks up at me with the most serious looks on his face...and this is what he says.

*QUACK*

And then he ran away.

I was so afraid, I almost forgot to ring my stuff up before I ran out of the store terrified.

Never went back.
 
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