How do I confront my alcoholic GF?

[DanableLector]

Hey guys. This is a heavy topic, and I typically wouldn't turn to strangers on the Internet for advice on things like this, but I don't know anyone that could relate.

I've been in a committed relationship for 4 years, and have noticed her drinking steadily increase over the last two years. Anymore, she drinks a good six days a week. Mostly because there will be one day or so where she's too hung over to be able to. A typical amount for her to drink in an evening is a small bottle of wine (Chardonnay, because the alcohol content is higher) and 3 or 4 minis (Yukon jack. Cinnamon apple flavored whiskey).. Sometimes she'll drink more, and sometimes less.

It's really beginning to effect our relationship. She's not energetic, her sex drive is really down, and her health is deteriorating. I Feel so horrible, because I've been too blind to see this whole time I've been enabling her. I'd sometimes go get her more because she'd say she was hurting or whatever and I sure as hell didn't want her driving.

For the past year I've tried different methods of bringing it up. Whether I come on strong, soft, or even passive she always is immediately defensive. She's only kind of agreed to have a problem with alcohol.. Not yet really a full on confession. i have bigger problems than just her denial though. She actually works at a damn liquor store!

What can I do! How can I get her to see what she's doing, and slow down? Or quit her job? This is spiraling out of control so fast now, and I have to do something soon before the problem gets worse. Anyone have any words of wisdom? I love this girl and I'm even getting pushed to pop the question.. But I cant marry her in the midst of all of this.

 

[DanableLector]

Too much?

 

[Zoidberg747]

Maybe contact a therapist or rehab employee and ask them what they think you should do. TBH I don't feel many people will be that qualified to actually answer your question straight up. If nothing else you might just have to sit her down and tell her everything you just told us, but I know that might be a scary thought. Id contact a professional before you do anything.

 

[BrianTheBEAST]

It's hard to answer these problems considering I myself am pretty young, but I will try. If I loved a girl as much as you did, I would say how much I want to spend life with her and only her. Once I talk about that, I would ask if she feels the same. If she does, then I will go on to say how much longer she could stay with me if she'd stop the drinking. I'd tell her to think of the future and how glorious it could be. I'd tell her how much she's wasting it because of her drinking. Finally, I would say that I loved her, and that I couldn't bare watching her do this to herself. Hopefully, she'll come to realize that her alcohol problems aren't just affecting herself.

I wish you and your girlfriend well sir. Every relationship has its problems and I hope that yours can overcome this one.

 

[Zoidberg747]

It's hard to answer these problems considering I myself am pretty young, but I will try. If I loved a girl as much as you did, I would say how much I want to spend life with her and only her. Once I talk about that, I would ask if she feels the same. If she does, then I will go on to say how much longer she could stay with me if she'd stop the drinking. I'd tell her to think of the future and how glorious it could be. I'd tell her how much she's wasting it because of her drinking. Finally, I would say that I loved her, and that I couldn't bare watching her do this to herself. Hopefully, she'll come to realize that her alcohol problems aren't just affecting herself.

I wish you and your girlfriend well sir. Every relationship has its problems and I hope that yours can overcome this one.

This is some pretty awesome advice. +1

 

[DanableLector]

It's hard to answer these problems considering I myself am pretty young, but I will try. If I loved a girl as much as you did, I would say how much I want to spend life with her and only her. Once I talk about that, I would ask if she feels the same. If she does, then I will go on to say how much longer she could stay with me if she'd stop the drinking. I'd tell her to think of the future and how glorious it could be. I'd tell her how much she's wasting it because of her drinking. Finally, I would say that I loved her, and that I couldn't bare watching her do this to herself. Hopefully, she'll come to realize that her alcohol problems aren't just affecting herself.

I wish you and your girlfriend well sir. Every relationship has its problems and I hope that yours can overcome this one.

Thank you man. I think that's great advice. It really is awesome of you, a complete stranger to go out of your way to give ,e your two cents and a vote of confidence. I will have to find an appropriate time to do all of this. It's going to be hard, but it will be worth it . Thanks !

 

[BrianTheBEAST]

Thank you man. I think that's great advice. It really is awesome of you, a complete stranger to go out of your way to give ,e your two cents and a vote of confidence. I will have to find an appropriate time to do all of this. It's going to be hard, but it will be worth it . Thanks !

No problem man. These situations are important and, if I can make a positive difference, I'll do it. I could only imagine how hard this is going to be for you. Just know that your doing this for her good and she could only benefit from you talking to her.

 

[DanableLector]

Maybe contact a therapist or rehab employee and ask them what they think you should do. TBH I don't feel many people will be that qualified to actually answer your question straight up. If nothing else you might just have to sit her down and tell her everything you just told us, but I know that might be a scary thought. Id contact a professional before you do anything.

I know it's weird coming to tym with this stuff, I just hoped that someone who had been through this shit with a family member or spouse could offer some advice based on their experience. You do have a good point though. It can only help to talk to a pro and see what they think. thank you!

 

[ThaShiveGeek]

My girlfriend and I have been dating for about the same time. If it were me in that situation I'd just tell her straight up that it's not something I'd let her continue to do. Break EVERY bottle she has, or pour it down the drain. Talk to her parents and friends. Intervention is the word right? I'd also talk to her co-workers to get help from them. If you love a person you're supposed to go above and beyond when they need help. And it sounds to me like she's needs your help. Just my two cents.