Hemlock
Dojo Trainee
Who here feels isolated from their various social groups? I know everyone feels lonely from time to time, but I'm talking about a more habitual issue. I think my problem is that I am so used to isolating myself, that it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. You avoid connecting with others, then people genuinely can't connect with you, and then since you don't feel connected, you avoid them...
I will plainly admit that this is of my own doing. I have more in common with my friends than not, but I am so used to looking at the negative, it's the first thing I go to. At the drop of the hat, I can make a list of things that make me "weird" or "different" but really if I spun it around, it could be the things that make me "special" or "unique".
This comes to my attention because I notice I am more excited to visit TYM than Facebook these days. I am more interested in sharing with people who are strangers, but at least I know we share a similar passion. Nobody is going to not understand why I spend a lot of time playing Mortal Kombat. In my group of friends, well, I'm the only person who even owns a copy of Mortal Kombat, let alone plays video games this much.
There are other things in my life (skateboarding, watching the TV show Reba on DVD, not drinking alcohol) where I don't have many friends, if any, who are passionate about these interests or even understand where I'm coming from. I do have some wonderful friends who are not judgmental and really put in a lot of time and effort to understand me, or listen to rant about how the MK meter system is so brilliant.
I've written a few zines, where I've written personal articles about things that are important to me. That's one way to share my passions and ideas with friends and family. Sometimes low self-esteem makes me assume that people aren't interested, so I don't bring it up. (Reba is secretly a brilliant show)
I should probably invite friends over more often and have more heart to heart talks. I've gotten back in touch with my old best friend from grade school, and it's nice to kind of reconnect with someone that I (still) have so much trust in and feel comfort. And I'm lucky that my boyfriend is unbelievably accepting and non-judgemental. It's not my best trait, as I still resent my family members for various things, but I'm working on it.
Anyway, just mouthing off - and would be interested in hearing other people's thoughts/experiences. Obviously I'm spending my time alone, on the computer, typing on a message board - so that means that I'm not spending face-to-face time with humans. (you guys could be all Lin Kuei cyborgs for all I know [cyber initiative is going to be on the ballot in 2016]) One of my biggest problems with Facebook, is that I always log on hoping that someone will have written about me or written to me. And when I log on, I see pictures and here stories of everything everyone is doing without me. It creates this defeated longing that really doesn't make sense. I don't post everything I do (I went on a road trip, I bought a new skateboard, I cleaned my house, I biked to a burrito place) and if I did, other people might feel the same way (I wish I was invited to join him at the burrito place). So it makes me feel more excluded than I actually am (everyone is doing stuff all the time and I'm not invited) only because I willingly go on and read about it. Anyway, this isn't meant to be a post about Facebook, just about the topic of perceived isolation versus reality.
The reality of isolation? Well, I guess I don't really need to focus on that aspect. It's a lose/lose situation. It's like a 0-0 match up. If I focus on the reality of my being isolated, well, then I'm convincing myself that I'm right - I am isolated. It's more important to just admit that the feeling is there, whether it is real or not. Time to do something productive. So, talking with others is productive so here I am!
I will plainly admit that this is of my own doing. I have more in common with my friends than not, but I am so used to looking at the negative, it's the first thing I go to. At the drop of the hat, I can make a list of things that make me "weird" or "different" but really if I spun it around, it could be the things that make me "special" or "unique".
This comes to my attention because I notice I am more excited to visit TYM than Facebook these days. I am more interested in sharing with people who are strangers, but at least I know we share a similar passion. Nobody is going to not understand why I spend a lot of time playing Mortal Kombat. In my group of friends, well, I'm the only person who even owns a copy of Mortal Kombat, let alone plays video games this much.
There are other things in my life (skateboarding, watching the TV show Reba on DVD, not drinking alcohol) where I don't have many friends, if any, who are passionate about these interests or even understand where I'm coming from. I do have some wonderful friends who are not judgmental and really put in a lot of time and effort to understand me, or listen to rant about how the MK meter system is so brilliant.
I've written a few zines, where I've written personal articles about things that are important to me. That's one way to share my passions and ideas with friends and family. Sometimes low self-esteem makes me assume that people aren't interested, so I don't bring it up. (Reba is secretly a brilliant show)
I should probably invite friends over more often and have more heart to heart talks. I've gotten back in touch with my old best friend from grade school, and it's nice to kind of reconnect with someone that I (still) have so much trust in and feel comfort. And I'm lucky that my boyfriend is unbelievably accepting and non-judgemental. It's not my best trait, as I still resent my family members for various things, but I'm working on it.
Anyway, just mouthing off - and would be interested in hearing other people's thoughts/experiences. Obviously I'm spending my time alone, on the computer, typing on a message board - so that means that I'm not spending face-to-face time with humans. (you guys could be all Lin Kuei cyborgs for all I know [cyber initiative is going to be on the ballot in 2016]) One of my biggest problems with Facebook, is that I always log on hoping that someone will have written about me or written to me. And when I log on, I see pictures and here stories of everything everyone is doing without me. It creates this defeated longing that really doesn't make sense. I don't post everything I do (I went on a road trip, I bought a new skateboard, I cleaned my house, I biked to a burrito place) and if I did, other people might feel the same way (I wish I was invited to join him at the burrito place). So it makes me feel more excluded than I actually am (everyone is doing stuff all the time and I'm not invited) only because I willingly go on and read about it. Anyway, this isn't meant to be a post about Facebook, just about the topic of perceived isolation versus reality.
The reality of isolation? Well, I guess I don't really need to focus on that aspect. It's a lose/lose situation. It's like a 0-0 match up. If I focus on the reality of my being isolated, well, then I'm convincing myself that I'm right - I am isolated. It's more important to just admit that the feeling is there, whether it is real or not. Time to do something productive. So, talking with others is productive so here I am!
there is nothing wrong with a little isolation, everything will get better in time