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FrothyOmen

FrothyOmen

P!
This isn't the most awkward for me, but it's the most current as it's happening right now, so I'll start with this.

Some girl added me on facebook randomly at the beginning of the summer. We had a half dozen friends in common, figured maybe I'd met her drunk at a party and forgotten, so I added her. Haven't heard from her ever until this evening, she messages me on facebook so we start talking a bit. Every other word out of her mouth is "cutiepie", "you're so handsome", etc. Basically I have her eating out of the palm of my hand, except she just sort of started sending all that to me outta nowhere. Unsolicited. So, we talk a bit more and I figure "Well, shit. She's from back home and isn't anywhere near me at college. This is worthless."

Then, it dawns on me. Seasons Beatings is next weekend. I'm going to be home. myluckyday.jpg

I tell her that I'm going to get off FB because I'm heading out, which I'm not, so she should give me her number. I got it and texted her something funny from our conversation so she knew it was me. Here is a transcript of our conversation up to this point. It gets really awkward really fast...

Her: Hey baybay :) how are you handsome?
FO: finally inebriated lol
Her: Send me a pic of you :)
FO: go on my fb
Her: Nooooo
FO: you first
Her: *sends picture*
FO: Damn that was fast lol
Her: your turn!
FO: the camera on my phone is broken (obvious lie)
FO: sends old picture of self with other girl
Her: Thanks babe :) You're very handsome :) I can't wait to see your face in person
FO: Hehe thanks, too bad we never did anything over the summer
Her: I'm surprised you even want to talk to me, but I'm a happy camper now. :) we're gonna have good times
FO: Lol why surprised?
Her: I don't know, cause we never really talked before. I didn't think you were interested. But you are ;)
>ORLY.JPG
FO: Hehe, you're the one that added me outta the blue then never said anything to me. We'll decide that next weekend when i'm home
Her: Maybe I was shy :p I'm so pumped to meet your ass
FO: I do have a nice ass.....
Her: You'll like my booty, I bet you'll look
FO: Oh yeah?
Her: I am sure of it
Her: *sends picture of ass in yoga pants. Not too great*
FO: Lol daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaamn
Her: Like it? yes, no, maybe so?
FO: That's a butt alright! Lol I'm so surprised you sent me that. Want a picture of mine?
Her: you really are something special
FO: I prefer handicapable.
Her: hahahahaha

Oh god all I can hear is K7 saying "You'll like my booty, I bet you'll look" on repeat over and over and over with Slips laughing up a storm. I feel so bad for laughing so hard. This is so weird.

The rest of the conversation is her essentially reminding me and repeating "you are so cute you are so handsome" blah blah over and over and I'm basically saying nothing other than "thanks lol, *insert me trying to change topic*" a few times until i decided to go to bed. She has 7 small tattoos as well, sent me a pic of every. fucking. one. -_- This is so out there

Please, share your strange/awkward stories. I want to read them and make fun of you for them ^^;
 
Derpin Errday

Derpin Errday

Dojo Trainee
A year ago I was sick with the flu and was taking some pills to help me feel better.The day after taking the pills I headed over to Wal-Mart to get some groceries.Then I hear the giant rumble of doom within me.I thought it was just gas so I went to an empty aisle and let it out.

Turn out those pills gave me EXPLOSIVE DIARRHEA AND I SHIT ALL OVER THE FLOOR...

and FUCK was it loud...loud enough for an employee from another aisle to come and see what had happened thinking something might have fallen or something of the sort.Then he called it in over the loud speaker asking for his manager and a cleanup (not saying what I had done,just that the aisle need a cleanup).They then escorted me out of the store crap still dripping from my shorts and me crying from embarrassment while everyone is staring at me like I'm a maniac.

I just went back for the first time about a month ago and the manager STILL remembered me as "The guy who shit all over the furniture aisle".(I heard him talking about it and he was also looking at me oddly).

I am NEVER going back there.Ever.EEEEEEEVVVVVVEEEERRRRR
 
BillStickers

BillStickers

Do not touch me again.
Derpin Errday said:
A year ago I was sick with the flu and was taking some pills to help me feel better.The day after taking the pills I headed over to Wal-Mart to get some groceries.Then I hear the giant rumble of doom within me.I thought it was just gas so I went to an empty aisle and let it out.

Turn out those pills gave me EXPLOSIVE DIARRHEA AND I SHIT ALL OVER THE FLOOR...

and FUCK was it loud...loud enough for an employee from another aisle to come and see what had happened thinking something might have fallen or something of the sort.Then he called it in over the loud speaker asking for his manager and a cleanup (not saying what I had done,just that the aisle need a cleanup).They then escorted me out of the store crap still dripping from my shorts and me crying from embarrassment while everyone is staring at me like I'm a maniac.

I just went back for the first time about a month ago and the manager STILL remembered me as "The guy who shit all over the furniture aisle".(I heard him talking about it and he was also looking at me oddly).

I am NEVER going back there.Ever.EEEEEEEVVVVVVEEEERRRRR
Click to expand...
Fuck now I'm horny
 
FrothyOmen

FrothyOmen

P!
Back when I was 17 years old, i started working out every few days at the gym by my house. Became first name basis with the young staff that worked the ocunter in the lobby. I developed a crush on one of the girls. One shitty, rainy day, I'm leaving the gym and im about to walk home. The girl I haev a crush on asks me if I could drive her home. "YEAH SURE!" fuckyeah.jpg

I don't even have a license or a car

oh god what do I do what do I do!? Keep getting deeper and deeper into the lie, of course. at this point she's telling me which part of town she lives in.
FO: You ready to leave?
Her: yeah okay
We start walking out into the parking lot, I still have no idea what the fuck im going to do. Her phone starts ringing, and she looks into her purse to try and find t.

During this time I start to sprint away

I have never gone back to that gym ever again.
 
Axel_Redd

Axel_Redd

Vampire Jesus....he wants YOUR blood now!!
FrothyOmen said:
Back when I was 17 years old, i started working out every few days at the gym by my house. Became first name basis with the young staff that worked the ocunter in the lobby. I developed a crush on one of the girls. One shitty, rainy day, I'm leaving the gym and im about to walk home. The girl I haev a crush on asks me if I could drive her home. "YEAH SURE!" fuckyeah.jpg

I don't even have a license or a car

oh god what do I do what do I do!? Keep getting deeper and deeper into the lie, of course. at this point she's telling me which part of town she lives in.
FO: You ready to leave?
Her: yeah okay
We start walking out into the parking lot, I still have no idea what the fuck im going to do. Her phone starts ringing, and she looks into her purse to try and find t.

During this time I start to sprint away

I have never gone back to that gym ever again.
Click to expand...
niiiiceeeee
 
Verstande

Verstande

Mortal
FrothyOmen said:
Back when I was 17 years old, i started working out every few days at the gym by my house. Became first name basis with the young staff that worked the ocunter in the lobby. I developed a crush on one of the girls. One shitty, rainy day, I'm leaving the gym and im about to walk home. The girl I haev a crush on asks me if I could drive her home. "YEAH SURE!" fuckyeah.jpg

I don't even have a license or a car

oh god what do I do what do I do!? Keep getting deeper and deeper into the lie, of course. at this point she's telling me which part of town she lives in.
FO: You ready to leave?
Her: yeah okay
We start walking out into the parking lot, I still have no idea what the fuck im going to do. Her phone starts ringing, and she looks into her purse to try and find t.

During this time I start to sprint away

I have never gone back to that gym ever again.
Click to expand...
WTF????? LOL
 
DJ L Toro

DJ L Toro

Warrior
When i was a child my dad, his gf, maybe my brother (cant remember, not important) and i went on vacation to mexico. I've always been a big water drinker and didnt know till the second day that i shouldnt drink the water so there i am chug chug chuggin away. first day im fine second day i dont feel too great and im told im not supposed to drink the water. im like ok, so i start chuggin on some orange soda instead.
IT WAS ALREADY TOO LATE
So that day we were scheduled to go on a tour of the smaller towns in the mountains, but my brother stayed back. we go up to one town, i get an orange soda. then the next town, another fanta. and now we're heading back.
IT WAS ALREADY TOO LATE
My dad was in the front chatting with the tour guide and i passed out in the back and dad's gf passed out and apparently leaned over and was sleeping on my lap. I eventually wake up...
BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
BRIGHT ORANGE PROJECTILE PUKE ALL OVER MY DAD'S GF
That shyit got in her fancy permed hair, all over her dress and a little in her mouth apparently.
the half an hour getting back to the hotel was awkward to say the least...
but eventually we got back and my dad and that ho broke up, happy ending :D
 
Enenra

Enenra

Go to hell.
The absolute most awkward, most scared I have ever been in my life is as follows:
I was at my last girlfriend's house watching a movie and her parents weren't home. We had been going out two weeks, so I decided to try and push my luck. She was laying on my lap so I looked into her face and started kissing her. We get to making out, so I get on top of her, let her straddle me, let my hands go into her pants...

And her dad walks in. All 200 pounds of thick and mean crime fighting machine, a badass mother fucker who did two tours in Afghanistan and is SWAT now. We look at each other, I hid my hand, and he says, "Don't make a mess on my couch and be out by ten."

Went softer than a babies bottom.
 
DJ L Toro

DJ L Toro

Warrior
dat moment when you ask your gf if she's had her period yet (2 weeks late) and she says no. X_X
fortunately she had it eventually. SAFE
 
LEGEND

LEGEND

YES!
i saw every semi important thing that happened to me in a 3 day spawn in a dream the day before

Edit: this was Three and a half years ago and it still gets under my skin when i think about it
 
quandaghost

quandaghost

kung lao swag walker
Well I remember this one time i was cleaning the second lobby in my Mcdonalds, and I saw the Mexican chick I had been flirting, and making out with back there sitting down. So I continue to clean while glancing over occasionally. She would motion for me to come over, but I was a man on a mission. So I finally get to where she is and she asks "Quan why are you so afraid of me?" I politely say "Girl I ain't afraid of you I'm just trying to clean this so I can have my break". She then says "well give me a kiss."
I do so, but as I do she grabs my shirt ans we start making out. So after like 2 minutes of making out I start to sucking on her boobs, and fingering her cause well I didn't give a fuck about my job at that moment. So after a while of doing that she start to reach down, and feel my junk. All the while people are coming into the first lobby to eat and stuff. So she starts to give me a handjob, and I'm feeling like a GODDAMN BOSS.
Next thing you know she says" Do you want me to suck it?" In my mind I was like is that even a fucking question, but I politely say "Hell yeah." So she goes down on me for what seems like forever but in all actuality is probably like 10 to 15 minutes. So she ask me to come in her mouth to which I was like nah.... you have to go home to your boyfriend, I'll just hold it in for another day. So I come back to the first lobby after washing my hands. I went back behind the counter and my manager demands to know what I was doing. I tell him" Look Chris, your my boy so I'm just gonna tell you the straight up truth. I just got done getting a blowjob. Don't tell anyone. Like how you told I about the other times." So he understands and gives me my break.
I HAVE NEVER FELT SO PROUD!!!!!!
 
quandaghost

quandaghost

kung lao swag walker
Then there was this one time where I remember My big brother was saying Quan you gotta have sex with a fat chick it feels great. Me looking up to my big brother I say sure why not. So I had a friend who I knew liked me, and what not so i said hey what the hell. One night I go over to her house, and we sit and chill. She takes out a bottle of Absolute Vodka, and now I'm fucked up cause well she was fat, and I needed it.
She puts on some Trey Songz and I start kissing her and sucking on her neck. She start to kiss me all aggressively which turns me on cause I like aggressive women in the sack. So things progress so I start taking off her pants and I go down on her cause I like doing that, you know pleasing the women first and what not. So im down there for like 10 minutes just doing my thing. I ask her for a condom cause now I think she is ready FOR THE DICK.
The problem was that even while I was drunk I was not about to have sex with a fat chick, but I persevered on and got ready. She gives me a life style which is already a bad sign. I didn't care though cause I was determined to see what my brother was talking about. the condom was too small sad enough and I lost it. She looked at me with big eyes and asked "Is everything ok?" I sit there look at her. I looked at me . I looked at my soldier. I then said " I'm sorry I wasted your time I'm going home."
So I take my clothes, and my stuff and start to walk home. I call my friend Tim and he comes to pick me up. While waiting for him in my drunken stupor I decide to call my ex. I then yell to the top of my lungs in tears " I love you I FUCKING LOVE YOU GIRL. I'm sorry for being a dick, and I promise one day imma get you back, and fix stuff." Long story short me and my ex got back like 2 weeks later, Even though we did break up like a year after that.
 
DJ L Toro

DJ L Toro

Warrior
quandaghost said:
Then there was this one time where I remember My big brother was saying Quan you gotta have sex with a fat chick it feels great. Me looking up to my big brother I say sure why not. So I had a friend who I knew liked me, and what not so i said hey what the hell. One night I go over to her house, and we sit and chill. She takes out a bottle of Absolute Vodka, and now I'm fucked up cause well she was fat, and I needed it.
She puts on some Trey Songz and I start kissing her and sucking on her neck. She start to kiss me all aggressively which turns me on cause I like aggressive women in the sack. So things progress so I start taking off her pants and I go down on her cause I like doing that, you know pleasing the women first and what not. So im down there for like 10 minutes just doing my thing. I ask her for a condom cause now I think she is ready FOR THE DICK.
The problem was that even while I was drunk I was not about to have sex with a fat chick, but I persevered on and got ready. She gives me a life style which is already a bad sign. I didn't care though cause I was determined to see what my brother was talking about. the condom was too small sad enough and I lost it. She looked at me with big eyes and asked "Is everything ok?" I sit there look at her. I looked at me . I looked at my soldier. I then said " I'm sorry I wasted your time I'm going home."
So I take my clothes, and my stuff and start to walk home. I call my friend Tim and he comes to pick me up. While waiting for him in my drunken stupor I decide to call my ex. I then yell to the top of my lungs in tears " I love you I FUCKING LOVE YOU GIRL. I'm sorry for being a dick, and I promise one day imma get you back, and fix stuff." Long story short me and my ex got back like 2 weeks later, Even though we did break up like a year after that.
Click to expand...
maaaaan chicks always be havin condoms that are too small. it's like they expect everyone and their mom to be tinydik mcgee
 
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