GamerBlake90
Blue Blurs for Life!
Felt the need to get something off my chest. I hope you all don't mind.
Where to start...?
I've played Mortal Kombat 9 (which I commonly refer to as MK 2011) from the very second I picked up that huge Tournament Edition package from Arrowhead Mall's Gamestop store after having participated in the midnight release tourney. Combined with the MK t-shirt I had won, and the respect I won from the people I played in MK9 and MKDC at Gamestop, it was a fitting prelude to the chapter of my story that loomed before me.
It has been nine months since that glorious night. I've taken the time to familiarize myself with the game engine each time I battled against the skillful titans that tower over us. I climbed through the ranks in my clan and won the title of Imperial Warlord. I ascended from a mere MKU regular to a Moderator and Media Staff member. I even took my first steps into the clean world of offline competition, none of which I regret no matter what. All these memories have been imbibed into my mind like the back of my hand.
I now wish to pause on my hike up the mountain, so to speak, and provide my personal thoughts on how I view the game as a whole. Also I wish to give a self-evaluation of myself as the player I am now. Note that I do not write any of this as a means to lure in praise or sympathy. This is just me saying what I feel I'd like to say.
First, a quick review of how I recall my style as an MKDC player. The game was 3D at the time, so the transition to 2D has been somewhat shaky, but we will get to that.
My 3D style based itself around me being a defensive player who sought to bait out mistakes and punish them. I made great use of the side-stepping element and the pressure tactics my characters had to provide (I mained Scorpion, Sonya, and Raiden). I didn't hesitate to draw upon whatever options I had to in order to win. It took me like three to four months to receive my reputation as a player, but the fruits of labor were all worth it.
That was how I came to the doorsteps of the forums for the first time, by the way.
However, upon my entrance to the 2D plane due to MK9's arrival...my usual strategy was drastically altered. Which leads me to my views on the game itself.
The 2D plane seems to limit defensive options more than ever. I could not zone as well, and, instead of the u2 launcher that was universal among the MKDC roster, I found myself facing a new tactic that was widely abused, namely the jump-in punch. That move can actually link into a combo for a higher damage output rather than a lower one, and it hits overhead also. Cross-ups have become a dominant tactic that can be annoying to contend with, which is why I'm thankful for the concept of anti-airs...because I truly despise the jumping that we see.
I disagree with the current mechanics of the jump-in punch. If it is going to be shared by the whole roster, I would feel it'd be better that such a move does not become a combo starter at all, or if it must then it should result in a decreased damage output rather than an increased one. It also doesn't seem to matter if you lower your hitbox by ducking or not, you can still get hit by it, which is an annoyance because I find myself low-poking a lot in an effort to stop cross-ups. Of course I also try to jumpkick, but I'm scared of the possibility of being tossed into an anti-air combo.
Next, there's the fact that my defense suffers because I obviously do not want to stand there and sustain chip damage while their meter climbs. I don't want to give any advantages to the opponent whatsoever. So I often find myself letting go of the block button at the wrong times so as to use low-pokes or armored moves to counter the pressure and throw off the offender. The result? I eat more damage than I should, especially if it leads to a full combo.
Another topic to bring to mind would be the armor properties of some special moves. It seems to have been greatly remodified since the Version 1.05 patch. I'm honestly not sure if the armor is as reliable as it ought to be, because...well, let's take a look at an example.
I main Sonya, as you know. Spending one bar to enhance her cartwheel provides it with armor, making it an effective tool. But I have experienced occasions where I actually get attacked out of the move as if it had no armor at all, yet I was told the armor lasts for the duration of the attack. Whenever this happens, I snarl in surprise and say, "What the Hell?" Another example would be when Johnny Cage gets poked out of his enhanced shadow kick...yes, you read that correctly. I have seen it happen. This is another scenario that fails to carry logic.
If I thought the meter game in MKDC was something tactical, MK9's Super Meter has taken it many steps further. I'm often torn between how I should use it. As much as I love to yell "X-RAY THAT BITCH!" whenever an X-ray attack happens, the move does not seem as reliable as it should be. The reasons? You should never throw out a naked X-ray due to desperation, because whether you hit them or not...you lose all your meter. It can become a critical decision to make, especially with the clock ticking downwards and your health close to zero. Also, using an X-ray mid-combo isn't worth it, either. When you're far enough into the combo, even the X-ray can barely add any damage. You may as well just keep the meter for enhanced moves and Breakers if you want to play hardcore. Sad, but true.
It could be that some of us have yet to achieve a complete knowledge of how the Super Meter functions. Every day, we find ourselves learning something new. Just look at the character forums as an example.
I mentioned the clock two paragraphs above. I absolutely cannot stand it, I just can't. I do not care whether I win or lose because of it, it just doesn't feel right if I am incapable of overwhelming my opponent to the point where I have to let time run out so as to save my ass. Do not misunderstand, I am a person who plays to win and I will do whatever is necessary for that goal, I just don't like to take what can be labeled as the "easy route" towards victory...well, perhaps in tournies it isn't considered so easy a route, but you know what I mean? Who got the idea that a clock should be mandatory in all tournament events, anyhow? However, the clock isn't specific to MK9 itself, it's a part of all fighting games, so I'm just babbling now. It does play a part in what I'll say next, though.
The pressure of an actual fight in MK9 seems to be significantly greater than it was for me in MKDC, because of the clock, the factor of having the life lead, and the offensive pressure that can keep you locked down and whittle away at your health while they benefit, especially cross-ups. It's worse when you succumb to the pressure and you wind up letting yourself get attacked out of a desperate effort to escape the attacks. And as I mentioned earlier, the zoning seems to become more limited when you step into a 2D world of fighting.
Combining all those factors together, my style disintegrated into something based entirely on reaction. Instead of playing patiently like I should be able to train myself into doing, I always give in to the impulse to input something, anything. This has become my greatest weakness as much as it can become my strength. We all know defense is a vital factor in any fighting game, yet mine has suffered terribly and I fail to understand why. Defense was an art I felt I had mastered before playing MK9, but now it is no longer the case for me because I'm too busy trying to react and make split-second decisions just to survive.
To better illustrate what I mean, take this scenario. Say you hit somebody with Noob Saibot's X-ray while your health is less than 5% away from 0% while the opponent has like 45%. The X-ray reduces their health to around 9% or so. As the animation ends, my mind is in overdrive. I have a split-second to make a decision:
A) using the Teleslam to stop their attempt at a jump and win, because they could be getting ready to jump so as to avoid a Shadow Tackle or Slide and the Teleslam would finish them.
B) toss out a Shadow Tackle or Slide and the opponent jumps it, leading you to getting punished and losing the match.
The problem here? Both those scenarios could lead you to losing. Your opponent is also just as likely to lose no matter what decision he makes. This is where it all comes down to an element I detest...luck.
It often never registers in my instincts to think there is a third option such as:
C) keep blocking and waiting patiently despite that you have low health. Try to control your adrenaline and outwit what the opponent will do next.
Do you yet understand where I am coming from? The game appears to be so fast-paced that you have to make split-second decisions or you will pay for it, yet ironically you wind up paying for the decision you make if it is wrong. This is not something I am well-versed in doing, a fact I came to notice the more I understood the game. If perhaps I were to condition myself to shut the pressure out and concentrate, my losses would be fewer.
Npw, let's look at another scenario of how luck plays a role in deciding the outcome of fights that get down to the wire between top players:
Krayzie Bone's Cyrax is paired against Shoryuken's Sub-Zero, and both players have no breaker and 10% health left. At this point, one of two scenarios could potentially happen if they succumb to the urge to react. They are:
1) Krayzie shoots out a net with Cyrax. Shoryuken attempts to anticipate a jump-in and immediately inputs 2 2 for Sub-Zero's anti-air, but the net captures him and Krayzie damages him enough to claim the round.
2) Krayzie does attempt to jump-in and is punished with Sub-Zero's 2 2 anti-air. Shoryuken then performs a combo that defeats Krayzie and takes the round.
Again, both these scenarios could fail and your mind gets entangled as you struggle to decide what to do. Another huge role in losing.
...actually, there are many other scenarios that could occur aside from the two I listed, but we're just using examples here. Whenever these things happen and you find yourself thinking it could have ended either way at all...don't you often wonder how luck comes into play as an element in the game? How skill and luck are the two things all players have in common?
If it never occurred to you, you should stop to think about it.
It's based on something like this that I often tell myself, there is no such thing as being the better player or the weaker player. Because all players have the potential to change and evolve. Once you acquire an understanding that is deep enough and channel that into your gameplay, you would be shocked by how anything can happen in a fight depending on the reads from both players.
This is why even when you fight a player who is less experienced than yourself, you can have trouble with that player if you do not understand his style. This is more prevalent online than offline, of course, but it is still possible in both worlds. You could even lose to such undeveloped tactics until you have been conditioned enough to respect them. Some players go and question their skill whenever this happens. I know for a fact that I am one such player, because I know I understand the game better than how I appeared to and I should have been able to play smarter. This can lead to a mentality where you constantly second-guess yourself in a fight, and depending on how you go about it, it can be your greatest strength or your biggest weakness.
In other words...Mortal Kombat 9 seems to have become a mixture of skill and luck. I've never approved of me winning due to luck, which is why you don't ever see me letting my head get inflated even when I do win, because it is just as likely that I could have lost instead. Every player is subject to this risk, and risk is a large factor. Because the risk is so much the factor that it is, I feel I've become worse as a player rather than better.
And I'm not proud of that. At all. I want to be known for skill, not luck. Sadly some players let their egos get to them when fate entreats them, never stopping to take into account what else could have happened. You've got to keep your confidence in check, or you'll find yourself suffering adverse effects mentally and socially. As long as I remember this, no way will I trust in confidence enough to indulge in it. For all I know, my skill could be entirely nonexistent and I could just be lucking out like how anybody could in Wheel of Fortune.
This same possibility applies to everyone else who picks up the game and becomes a seasoned player, online or offline. This is why there is no such thing as the best player. I hope everyone takes what they have gleaned from this post so as to do some self-evaluation and see how they feel about where they currently stand. You've got to break everything down so as to look at the scene in the bigger picture, not be so narrow-minded.
I look back at how I started as a player, and I cringe at how terrible I was. Maybe I still am. But as of now, I can take notice that I have indeed changed greatly as a player because of how much I played and studied the game, how I watched the streams, and how I talked with the talented players. I would never have gotten to this point were it not for everyone else who keeps this community alive. Seems like I manage to have help every step of the way no matter what I want to do...
I have mixed feelings about this. I am grateful for those who help me change for the better, but at the same time I feel so...insignificant...because I could not have caused all those changes myself. I don't like to be reliant on people to solve my own problems. I've had help with getting home from EVO 2011 (read my EVO 2011 Chronicles for details on how), I've had help with personal challenges I care not to go into detail on, I've made mistakes in life (not including anything MK-related) that leave me with a lower opinion of myself, and I have all these players seeing in me what I fail to see in myself. I can't love the community enough for all they have done, but I also feel disappointed in myself for not being strong enough to cause my own development, as both a player and a person.
Am I being too self-critical? Perhaps, or perhaps not. That is your opinion. I am of the belief that if I don't be mindful of everything I have done, been offered, or experienced, I will eventually give in to a state of satisfaction in which I begin to slack, and if I start to slack, it will look like I am not as dedicated to my goals as I should be. I absolutely refuse to be anything less than 100% at what I do, especially being a competitive MK9 player. It's become my dream to win EVO 2012, a dream I believe we all share, and I want to be able to make my own thoughts into reality rather than just envision it over and over. It would be the perfect way to prove that I am just as capable a guy as the rest of you all.
Go big, or go home. There's no in-between for me.
The sad fact is that, ever since EVO 2011, I practically failed to appear in the tourney scene ever again, due to...I'm not going into detail, for I am not an attention-seeker. Suffice to say, it has limited me too heavily as far as finances go for me to ever make it again. I had solid plans to go to Devastation back in October 2011, but those plans were destroyed by something beyond my control and it's still a huge hit, but hey...shit happens.
Life is life.
So why the fuck don't I get up off my ass and do something about it?
As much as I appreciate the respect I have gained, I often feel I do not deserve it. It should be earned, not just handed to me. It has to involve more than looking at yourself and thinking too much. It has to involve more than frequenting the forums, which I constantly do.
Are you dedicated with what you want to do? Don't just breathe it. Don't just live it. Don't just say you are.
PERSONIFY IT, DAMN IT.
Actions speak louder than words. Actions speak louder than a laptop. Actions speak louder than your dreams. They are but the strongest weapon one can hold. With that weapon, you can either make it or break it. Everything I have said thus far applies not only to striving to become a professional gamer, but to all areas of life itself. It's advised that you all remember this, inside and outside the forums.
So to round up my evaluation of the game and of myself?
I feel Mortal Kombat 9, random as it is in regards to the priority of just about everything, has offered a greater challenge than MKDC could ever give. My understanding of fighting game concepts was branched out because of my experiences with the community. There are possibly some things I would change about the game if I were given the opportunity to patch it myself, but overall...I am very proud to be supporting this game and the community that surrounds it. It deserved its Game of the Year award. It has become a huge milestone in the fighting game world. That won't be changing any time soon, no matter what others may think.
And as far as how I feel about myself as a player and a person? I have definitely evolved and have been blessed with so much, but at the same time I'm not satisfied with my own ability. I want to break the limits. There's so much more I want to do. It's plainly evident that I belong in no other world aside from this one and I am going to keep it alive, no matter what drama I have to deal with in order to make it happen.
Recently I have been accepted into the Art Institute of Pittsburgh for a Bachelor's Degree on Game Art and Design, via the online division. I will now be studying intensively to become a game tester/designer, so as to potentially help enhance the MK scene and perhaps extend to other interests regarding the fighting game world along the way. This is an opportunity I am so damn proud to have and I won't just toss it aside. I'm not going to let myself become reliant on everyone else, it's not fair for me to use other people that way. I respect you all too much to do that to all of you. I want everything that happens...to be by my own hands alone. I want my ability to be the reason that my life unfolds the way it does.
The Art Institute will be a great way to start. I want to make it back to the tourney scene. I want to embrace the community again. I want to share the passion we all have. I want us to keep providing for one another in terms of knowledge so that we become stronger as a community. I am happy with how I have been contributing, but not happy enough. I want to go beyond what I am contributing and establish my own mark as a player, and a member, in his own right.
...okay, I am done now. Well, almost. One more note to take.
To all those who stood by me and helped me when I needed it, to all those who encouraged me to go after what I want, and to all those who never stopped believing in me...I want you all to know that I can't thank you enough for such support. Perhaps I have said this too much, but I truly do mean what I say. You're all the reason I have hope that my dreams will become reality. If I ever do win EVO 2012 - and I pray to God I do - it will be a triumph that everyone in my life will share, not just me.
You've all seen the vibrant energy and life that flooded EVO 2011...let us never lose that part of ourselves. We are the Mortal Kombat community, strong for life and forever more!
My post is now concluded. Feel free to provide your comments and feedback as you see fit.
Where to start...?
I've played Mortal Kombat 9 (which I commonly refer to as MK 2011) from the very second I picked up that huge Tournament Edition package from Arrowhead Mall's Gamestop store after having participated in the midnight release tourney. Combined with the MK t-shirt I had won, and the respect I won from the people I played in MK9 and MKDC at Gamestop, it was a fitting prelude to the chapter of my story that loomed before me.
It has been nine months since that glorious night. I've taken the time to familiarize myself with the game engine each time I battled against the skillful titans that tower over us. I climbed through the ranks in my clan and won the title of Imperial Warlord. I ascended from a mere MKU regular to a Moderator and Media Staff member. I even took my first steps into the clean world of offline competition, none of which I regret no matter what. All these memories have been imbibed into my mind like the back of my hand.
I now wish to pause on my hike up the mountain, so to speak, and provide my personal thoughts on how I view the game as a whole. Also I wish to give a self-evaluation of myself as the player I am now. Note that I do not write any of this as a means to lure in praise or sympathy. This is just me saying what I feel I'd like to say.
First, a quick review of how I recall my style as an MKDC player. The game was 3D at the time, so the transition to 2D has been somewhat shaky, but we will get to that.
My 3D style based itself around me being a defensive player who sought to bait out mistakes and punish them. I made great use of the side-stepping element and the pressure tactics my characters had to provide (I mained Scorpion, Sonya, and Raiden). I didn't hesitate to draw upon whatever options I had to in order to win. It took me like three to four months to receive my reputation as a player, but the fruits of labor were all worth it.
That was how I came to the doorsteps of the forums for the first time, by the way.
However, upon my entrance to the 2D plane due to MK9's arrival...my usual strategy was drastically altered. Which leads me to my views on the game itself.
The 2D plane seems to limit defensive options more than ever. I could not zone as well, and, instead of the u2 launcher that was universal among the MKDC roster, I found myself facing a new tactic that was widely abused, namely the jump-in punch. That move can actually link into a combo for a higher damage output rather than a lower one, and it hits overhead also. Cross-ups have become a dominant tactic that can be annoying to contend with, which is why I'm thankful for the concept of anti-airs...because I truly despise the jumping that we see.
I disagree with the current mechanics of the jump-in punch. If it is going to be shared by the whole roster, I would feel it'd be better that such a move does not become a combo starter at all, or if it must then it should result in a decreased damage output rather than an increased one. It also doesn't seem to matter if you lower your hitbox by ducking or not, you can still get hit by it, which is an annoyance because I find myself low-poking a lot in an effort to stop cross-ups. Of course I also try to jumpkick, but I'm scared of the possibility of being tossed into an anti-air combo.
Next, there's the fact that my defense suffers because I obviously do not want to stand there and sustain chip damage while their meter climbs. I don't want to give any advantages to the opponent whatsoever. So I often find myself letting go of the block button at the wrong times so as to use low-pokes or armored moves to counter the pressure and throw off the offender. The result? I eat more damage than I should, especially if it leads to a full combo.
Another topic to bring to mind would be the armor properties of some special moves. It seems to have been greatly remodified since the Version 1.05 patch. I'm honestly not sure if the armor is as reliable as it ought to be, because...well, let's take a look at an example.
I main Sonya, as you know. Spending one bar to enhance her cartwheel provides it with armor, making it an effective tool. But I have experienced occasions where I actually get attacked out of the move as if it had no armor at all, yet I was told the armor lasts for the duration of the attack. Whenever this happens, I snarl in surprise and say, "What the Hell?" Another example would be when Johnny Cage gets poked out of his enhanced shadow kick...yes, you read that correctly. I have seen it happen. This is another scenario that fails to carry logic.
If I thought the meter game in MKDC was something tactical, MK9's Super Meter has taken it many steps further. I'm often torn between how I should use it. As much as I love to yell "X-RAY THAT BITCH!" whenever an X-ray attack happens, the move does not seem as reliable as it should be. The reasons? You should never throw out a naked X-ray due to desperation, because whether you hit them or not...you lose all your meter. It can become a critical decision to make, especially with the clock ticking downwards and your health close to zero. Also, using an X-ray mid-combo isn't worth it, either. When you're far enough into the combo, even the X-ray can barely add any damage. You may as well just keep the meter for enhanced moves and Breakers if you want to play hardcore. Sad, but true.
It could be that some of us have yet to achieve a complete knowledge of how the Super Meter functions. Every day, we find ourselves learning something new. Just look at the character forums as an example.
I mentioned the clock two paragraphs above. I absolutely cannot stand it, I just can't. I do not care whether I win or lose because of it, it just doesn't feel right if I am incapable of overwhelming my opponent to the point where I have to let time run out so as to save my ass. Do not misunderstand, I am a person who plays to win and I will do whatever is necessary for that goal, I just don't like to take what can be labeled as the "easy route" towards victory...well, perhaps in tournies it isn't considered so easy a route, but you know what I mean? Who got the idea that a clock should be mandatory in all tournament events, anyhow? However, the clock isn't specific to MK9 itself, it's a part of all fighting games, so I'm just babbling now. It does play a part in what I'll say next, though.
The pressure of an actual fight in MK9 seems to be significantly greater than it was for me in MKDC, because of the clock, the factor of having the life lead, and the offensive pressure that can keep you locked down and whittle away at your health while they benefit, especially cross-ups. It's worse when you succumb to the pressure and you wind up letting yourself get attacked out of a desperate effort to escape the attacks. And as I mentioned earlier, the zoning seems to become more limited when you step into a 2D world of fighting.
Combining all those factors together, my style disintegrated into something based entirely on reaction. Instead of playing patiently like I should be able to train myself into doing, I always give in to the impulse to input something, anything. This has become my greatest weakness as much as it can become my strength. We all know defense is a vital factor in any fighting game, yet mine has suffered terribly and I fail to understand why. Defense was an art I felt I had mastered before playing MK9, but now it is no longer the case for me because I'm too busy trying to react and make split-second decisions just to survive.
To better illustrate what I mean, take this scenario. Say you hit somebody with Noob Saibot's X-ray while your health is less than 5% away from 0% while the opponent has like 45%. The X-ray reduces their health to around 9% or so. As the animation ends, my mind is in overdrive. I have a split-second to make a decision:
A) using the Teleslam to stop their attempt at a jump and win, because they could be getting ready to jump so as to avoid a Shadow Tackle or Slide and the Teleslam would finish them.
B) toss out a Shadow Tackle or Slide and the opponent jumps it, leading you to getting punished and losing the match.
The problem here? Both those scenarios could lead you to losing. Your opponent is also just as likely to lose no matter what decision he makes. This is where it all comes down to an element I detest...luck.
It often never registers in my instincts to think there is a third option such as:
C) keep blocking and waiting patiently despite that you have low health. Try to control your adrenaline and outwit what the opponent will do next.
Do you yet understand where I am coming from? The game appears to be so fast-paced that you have to make split-second decisions or you will pay for it, yet ironically you wind up paying for the decision you make if it is wrong. This is not something I am well-versed in doing, a fact I came to notice the more I understood the game. If perhaps I were to condition myself to shut the pressure out and concentrate, my losses would be fewer.
Npw, let's look at another scenario of how luck plays a role in deciding the outcome of fights that get down to the wire between top players:
Krayzie Bone's Cyrax is paired against Shoryuken's Sub-Zero, and both players have no breaker and 10% health left. At this point, one of two scenarios could potentially happen if they succumb to the urge to react. They are:
1) Krayzie shoots out a net with Cyrax. Shoryuken attempts to anticipate a jump-in and immediately inputs 2 2 for Sub-Zero's anti-air, but the net captures him and Krayzie damages him enough to claim the round.
2) Krayzie does attempt to jump-in and is punished with Sub-Zero's 2 2 anti-air. Shoryuken then performs a combo that defeats Krayzie and takes the round.
Again, both these scenarios could fail and your mind gets entangled as you struggle to decide what to do. Another huge role in losing.
...actually, there are many other scenarios that could occur aside from the two I listed, but we're just using examples here. Whenever these things happen and you find yourself thinking it could have ended either way at all...don't you often wonder how luck comes into play as an element in the game? How skill and luck are the two things all players have in common?
If it never occurred to you, you should stop to think about it.
It's based on something like this that I often tell myself, there is no such thing as being the better player or the weaker player. Because all players have the potential to change and evolve. Once you acquire an understanding that is deep enough and channel that into your gameplay, you would be shocked by how anything can happen in a fight depending on the reads from both players.
This is why even when you fight a player who is less experienced than yourself, you can have trouble with that player if you do not understand his style. This is more prevalent online than offline, of course, but it is still possible in both worlds. You could even lose to such undeveloped tactics until you have been conditioned enough to respect them. Some players go and question their skill whenever this happens. I know for a fact that I am one such player, because I know I understand the game better than how I appeared to and I should have been able to play smarter. This can lead to a mentality where you constantly second-guess yourself in a fight, and depending on how you go about it, it can be your greatest strength or your biggest weakness.
In other words...Mortal Kombat 9 seems to have become a mixture of skill and luck. I've never approved of me winning due to luck, which is why you don't ever see me letting my head get inflated even when I do win, because it is just as likely that I could have lost instead. Every player is subject to this risk, and risk is a large factor. Because the risk is so much the factor that it is, I feel I've become worse as a player rather than better.
And I'm not proud of that. At all. I want to be known for skill, not luck. Sadly some players let their egos get to them when fate entreats them, never stopping to take into account what else could have happened. You've got to keep your confidence in check, or you'll find yourself suffering adverse effects mentally and socially. As long as I remember this, no way will I trust in confidence enough to indulge in it. For all I know, my skill could be entirely nonexistent and I could just be lucking out like how anybody could in Wheel of Fortune.
This same possibility applies to everyone else who picks up the game and becomes a seasoned player, online or offline. This is why there is no such thing as the best player. I hope everyone takes what they have gleaned from this post so as to do some self-evaluation and see how they feel about where they currently stand. You've got to break everything down so as to look at the scene in the bigger picture, not be so narrow-minded.
I look back at how I started as a player, and I cringe at how terrible I was. Maybe I still am. But as of now, I can take notice that I have indeed changed greatly as a player because of how much I played and studied the game, how I watched the streams, and how I talked with the talented players. I would never have gotten to this point were it not for everyone else who keeps this community alive. Seems like I manage to have help every step of the way no matter what I want to do...
I have mixed feelings about this. I am grateful for those who help me change for the better, but at the same time I feel so...insignificant...because I could not have caused all those changes myself. I don't like to be reliant on people to solve my own problems. I've had help with getting home from EVO 2011 (read my EVO 2011 Chronicles for details on how), I've had help with personal challenges I care not to go into detail on, I've made mistakes in life (not including anything MK-related) that leave me with a lower opinion of myself, and I have all these players seeing in me what I fail to see in myself. I can't love the community enough for all they have done, but I also feel disappointed in myself for not being strong enough to cause my own development, as both a player and a person.
Am I being too self-critical? Perhaps, or perhaps not. That is your opinion. I am of the belief that if I don't be mindful of everything I have done, been offered, or experienced, I will eventually give in to a state of satisfaction in which I begin to slack, and if I start to slack, it will look like I am not as dedicated to my goals as I should be. I absolutely refuse to be anything less than 100% at what I do, especially being a competitive MK9 player. It's become my dream to win EVO 2012, a dream I believe we all share, and I want to be able to make my own thoughts into reality rather than just envision it over and over. It would be the perfect way to prove that I am just as capable a guy as the rest of you all.
Go big, or go home. There's no in-between for me.
The sad fact is that, ever since EVO 2011, I practically failed to appear in the tourney scene ever again, due to...I'm not going into detail, for I am not an attention-seeker. Suffice to say, it has limited me too heavily as far as finances go for me to ever make it again. I had solid plans to go to Devastation back in October 2011, but those plans were destroyed by something beyond my control and it's still a huge hit, but hey...shit happens.
Life is life.
So why the fuck don't I get up off my ass and do something about it?
As much as I appreciate the respect I have gained, I often feel I do not deserve it. It should be earned, not just handed to me. It has to involve more than looking at yourself and thinking too much. It has to involve more than frequenting the forums, which I constantly do.
Are you dedicated with what you want to do? Don't just breathe it. Don't just live it. Don't just say you are.
PERSONIFY IT, DAMN IT.
Actions speak louder than words. Actions speak louder than a laptop. Actions speak louder than your dreams. They are but the strongest weapon one can hold. With that weapon, you can either make it or break it. Everything I have said thus far applies not only to striving to become a professional gamer, but to all areas of life itself. It's advised that you all remember this, inside and outside the forums.
So to round up my evaluation of the game and of myself?
I feel Mortal Kombat 9, random as it is in regards to the priority of just about everything, has offered a greater challenge than MKDC could ever give. My understanding of fighting game concepts was branched out because of my experiences with the community. There are possibly some things I would change about the game if I were given the opportunity to patch it myself, but overall...I am very proud to be supporting this game and the community that surrounds it. It deserved its Game of the Year award. It has become a huge milestone in the fighting game world. That won't be changing any time soon, no matter what others may think.
And as far as how I feel about myself as a player and a person? I have definitely evolved and have been blessed with so much, but at the same time I'm not satisfied with my own ability. I want to break the limits. There's so much more I want to do. It's plainly evident that I belong in no other world aside from this one and I am going to keep it alive, no matter what drama I have to deal with in order to make it happen.
Recently I have been accepted into the Art Institute of Pittsburgh for a Bachelor's Degree on Game Art and Design, via the online division. I will now be studying intensively to become a game tester/designer, so as to potentially help enhance the MK scene and perhaps extend to other interests regarding the fighting game world along the way. This is an opportunity I am so damn proud to have and I won't just toss it aside. I'm not going to let myself become reliant on everyone else, it's not fair for me to use other people that way. I respect you all too much to do that to all of you. I want everything that happens...to be by my own hands alone. I want my ability to be the reason that my life unfolds the way it does.
The Art Institute will be a great way to start. I want to make it back to the tourney scene. I want to embrace the community again. I want to share the passion we all have. I want us to keep providing for one another in terms of knowledge so that we become stronger as a community. I am happy with how I have been contributing, but not happy enough. I want to go beyond what I am contributing and establish my own mark as a player, and a member, in his own right.
...okay, I am done now. Well, almost. One more note to take.
To all those who stood by me and helped me when I needed it, to all those who encouraged me to go after what I want, and to all those who never stopped believing in me...I want you all to know that I can't thank you enough for such support. Perhaps I have said this too much, but I truly do mean what I say. You're all the reason I have hope that my dreams will become reality. If I ever do win EVO 2012 - and I pray to God I do - it will be a triumph that everyone in my life will share, not just me.
You've all seen the vibrant energy and life that flooded EVO 2011...let us never lose that part of ourselves. We are the Mortal Kombat community, strong for life and forever more!
My post is now concluded. Feel free to provide your comments and feedback as you see fit.
