Rickyraws
This mean you don't like me?
@CrazyFingers I tried to submit this in the in progress forum "Written Works." Will be sure to once that forum is complete.
Good morning ladies and gentlemen. Not long ago we received a trailer for Catwoman from the fine folks at Netherrealm studios. This was great, but it brought with it a resounding negative: The official return of one Ra Helios. Those of you not familiar with him can now learn about his hijinks and exploits in the upcoming non-fiction novel: Retinal Aids: A Ra Helios story!<Working title> It documents true, exciting events that took place between the release of Injustice 1 up until the present months of this year! The novel, written and edited by award winning author R.L. Raws paints an engrossing picture of the time Ra Helios had tangled with the Mafia to the time where he saved millions of lives with his incompetence.
Here are a couple of chapter excerpts:
The final book will have 9 chapters (nine lives lolyougeddit) of heart-racing, adrenaline-pumping, spine-tingling erecting-inducing action the likes of which you have never seen, and the likes of which I cannot promise.
I plan on starting a Kickstarter for the novel. I seek a goal of about a $500 USD. 100% of the money will go into my pocket, but don't worry, I plan on releasing the novel itself for free to TYM members.
This isn't a joke. If there is enough interest I will proceed.
Sign your name in this thread if you are in favor. Ra Helios has given his permission to use his likeness.
@Ra Helios @HomeLee1121 @LeftOverShark @EMPR_MURK @Vandy @16 Bit @Pig Of The Hut @General M2Dave @Peckapowa
Good morning ladies and gentlemen. Not long ago we received a trailer for Catwoman from the fine folks at Netherrealm studios. This was great, but it brought with it a resounding negative: The official return of one Ra Helios. Those of you not familiar with him can now learn about his hijinks and exploits in the upcoming non-fiction novel: Retinal Aids: A Ra Helios story!<Working title> It documents true, exciting events that took place between the release of Injustice 1 up until the present months of this year! The novel, written and edited by award winning author R.L. Raws paints an engrossing picture of the time Ra Helios had tangled with the Mafia to the time where he saved millions of lives with his incompetence.
Here are a couple of chapter excerpts:
Chapter 1: The good, the bad and the kicked router
...the young man continued through the desolate street. Scattered pedestrians littered the area, but the young man didn't notice them. His attention was fixated on the objective in front of him. He looked up at the large sign: 'WALMART'.
???: I'm here.
The stoic fellow stepped past the store's greeter and saw the soles of his tattered Vans pass through the automatic doors. To his right, a woman adorned in uniform caught the eyes of our hero. She noticed him.
Clerk: Hi! Welcome to Walmart! How may I help you?
The young man didn't look to her face. He looked at her name tag. 'Wendy.'
???: I need milk.
Clerk: Heh, well you've come to the right place! Right to your side over there is our dairy section. Here, let me grab a gallon for you. Whole milk?
???: Please.
The helpful clerk returned with the chilled item in hand.
Clerk: Okie dokie, here you go sir! Will you be needing a cart for the m-
???: No. Now I'll be leaving.
Clerk: W-...huh? But your milk....
???: I came to see if you had it. You do. Now I'll be purchasing it online.
Clerk: Oh sir unfortunately the price is the same in our online store. And there also the matter of shipping and handling costs...
???: I don't care. I'm buying it online.
Clerk: Um I...sorry I don't quite follow. You're already here at the store sir! Hee hee, isn't it more convenient to just grab the milk from here instead of online?
The young man hissed:
???: Never.
Clerk:...S-sir you're free to do...whatever you wish but....to....to be frank...that doesn't make much sense. Why would you spend more and wait a few more days to get something ONLINE, where you are mere inches away from the item you need OFFLINE?
???: Because.....'Wendy'....
Clerk:.....
Ra Helio: Online is life.
Ra Helios removes his cloak and speeds off towards <....continued>
...the young man continued through the desolate street. Scattered pedestrians littered the area, but the young man didn't notice them. His attention was fixated on the objective in front of him. He looked up at the large sign: 'WALMART'.
???: I'm here.
The stoic fellow stepped past the store's greeter and saw the soles of his tattered Vans pass through the automatic doors. To his right, a woman adorned in uniform caught the eyes of our hero. She noticed him.
Clerk: Hi! Welcome to Walmart! How may I help you?
The young man didn't look to her face. He looked at her name tag. 'Wendy.'
???: I need milk.
Clerk: Heh, well you've come to the right place! Right to your side over there is our dairy section. Here, let me grab a gallon for you. Whole milk?
???: Please.
The helpful clerk returned with the chilled item in hand.
Clerk: Okie dokie, here you go sir! Will you be needing a cart for the m-
???: No. Now I'll be leaving.
Clerk: W-...huh? But your milk....
???: I came to see if you had it. You do. Now I'll be purchasing it online.
Clerk: Oh sir unfortunately the price is the same in our online store. And there also the matter of shipping and handling costs...
???: I don't care. I'm buying it online.
Clerk: Um I...sorry I don't quite follow. You're already here at the store sir! Hee hee, isn't it more convenient to just grab the milk from here instead of online?
The young man hissed:
???: Never.
Clerk:...S-sir you're free to do...whatever you wish but....to....to be frank...that doesn't make much sense. Why would you spend more and wait a few more days to get something ONLINE, where you are mere inches away from the item you need OFFLINE?
???: Because.....'Wendy'....
Clerk:.....
Ra Helio: Online is life.
Ra Helios removes his cloak and speeds off towards <....continued>
Chapter 7: Hoodwinked.
[After narrowly escaping death at the hands of the Swedish mafia, Ra Helios finds himself at the headquarters of mega company Google Inc.]
Ra Helios: *sigh*
Voice in Ra Helio's Headset: Testing. Can you hear me?
Ra Helios: Loud and clear.
Voice: Okay. I've got a visual on you. Wow. You actually look pretty dapper in that suit. Okay the interview room is down the hall and to your left. I know the process and everything they're gonna ask you. All you have to do is say what I tell you. I mean it. Lives are at stake. If you don't get hired people will die!
Ra Helios: What, do you think I'm some kind of idiot? I know the situation.
Interview room 301, eight minutes later:
Interviewer 1: Woooow!
Interviewer 2: Really?
Ra Helios: Yes Ma'am. In fact you could say I....
Voice: "Googled it."
Ra Helios: I....'Googled' it!
Interviewers: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Interviewer 1: *Wiping tear from eye* oh goodness that's funny!
Interviewer 2: I must say, Mr. Helios...I've never seen a more fitting, more intelligent, and, dare I say, more charming candidate for this job!
Voice: "Why, thank you very much."
Ra Helios: Why, thank you very much.
Interviewer 2: Yeah the job's pretty much yours. Oh just one more question: Your former employment. What was your official title?
Ra Helios:....
Voice: "Project manager."
Ra Helios:.....
Interviewer 2:.....
Voice: ? I said, "Project manager."
Ra Helios:....
Interviewers: *looking at each other*
Interviewer 2: Um...did you hear what I said? I asked what you used to be.
Ra Helios:.....
Voice: RA! RAA!! "PROJECT MANAGER!" RA, GODDAMMIT, "PROJECT-FUCKING-MANAGER!!!"
Ra Helios:....I.....used to be...
Voice: RAAAAAAAAAA!
Interviewers:.....
Ra Helios:....I used to be a day one phenomenal Selina Kyle player.
Interviewer 2:....? Huh?
Interviewer 1: What the fuck?
Voice:NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
<....continued>
[After narrowly escaping death at the hands of the Swedish mafia, Ra Helios finds himself at the headquarters of mega company Google Inc.]
Ra Helios: *sigh*
Voice in Ra Helio's Headset: Testing. Can you hear me?
Ra Helios: Loud and clear.
Voice: Okay. I've got a visual on you. Wow. You actually look pretty dapper in that suit. Okay the interview room is down the hall and to your left. I know the process and everything they're gonna ask you. All you have to do is say what I tell you. I mean it. Lives are at stake. If you don't get hired people will die!
Ra Helios: What, do you think I'm some kind of idiot? I know the situation.
Interview room 301, eight minutes later:
Interviewer 1: Woooow!
Interviewer 2: Really?
Ra Helios: Yes Ma'am. In fact you could say I....
Voice: "Googled it."
Ra Helios: I....'Googled' it!
Interviewers: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Interviewer 1: *Wiping tear from eye* oh goodness that's funny!
Interviewer 2: I must say, Mr. Helios...I've never seen a more fitting, more intelligent, and, dare I say, more charming candidate for this job!
Voice: "Why, thank you very much."
Ra Helios: Why, thank you very much.
Interviewer 2: Yeah the job's pretty much yours. Oh just one more question: Your former employment. What was your official title?
Ra Helios:....
Voice: "Project manager."
Ra Helios:.....
Interviewer 2:.....
Voice: ? I said, "Project manager."
Ra Helios:....
Interviewers: *looking at each other*
Interviewer 2: Um...did you hear what I said? I asked what you used to be.
Ra Helios:.....
Voice: RA! RAA!! "PROJECT MANAGER!" RA, GODDAMMIT, "PROJECT-FUCKING-MANAGER!!!"
Ra Helios:....I.....used to be...
Voice: RAAAAAAAAAA!
Interviewers:.....
Ra Helios:....I used to be a day one phenomenal Selina Kyle player.
Interviewer 2:....? Huh?
Interviewer 1: What the fuck?
Voice:NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
<....continued>
The final book will have 9 chapters (nine lives lolyougeddit) of heart-racing, adrenaline-pumping, spine-tingling erecting-inducing action the likes of which you have never seen, and the likes of which I cannot promise.
I plan on starting a Kickstarter for the novel. I seek a goal of about a $500 USD. 100% of the money will go into my pocket, but don't worry, I plan on releasing the novel itself for free to TYM members.
This isn't a joke. If there is enough interest I will proceed.
Sign your name in this thread if you are in favor. Ra Helios has given his permission to use his likeness.
@Ra Helios @HomeLee1121 @LeftOverShark @EMPR_MURK @Vandy @16 Bit @Pig Of The Hut @General M2Dave @Peckapowa
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