SneakyTortoise
Official Master of Salt
So, as this week has had a bit of a different feel to it, so will the Salt Report. If you haven’t read last week’s report, why the fuck not? Go read it now.
http://testyourmight.com/threads/nsfw-week-8-character-salt-report-hot-tanya-fix-kenshi-edition.53233/
This week I’m presenting you the Top 10 emo songs of the week. So let’s get to it.
#10. Rick Astley – Everybody loves safe 50/50s, but hates my clone
I don’t know about you, but I can’t remember the last time I logged into TYM and didn’t see everybody professing their love for safe 50/50s. It brought the community together during the Injustice days and now everyone can’t stop singing their praises. Or, at least, that’s what Mr Astley would try and have you believe with this absolutely pathetic drivel. I suppose times are hard though, with that top 8 spot in the charts feeling ever elusive for the blues singer, he has turned to propagandist bullshit in order to try and gain sympathy.
#9. Shujinkydink and the Quan Children – We need wakeups
Can we all please take a minute to think about those brave Quan Chi mains. God bless them for taking the struggle of maining this character with a weakness. I mean, seriously, forget about the vortex and the powerful zoning, what good is all that if you have to block sometimes? This song personally brings a tear to my eye every time. Stay strong guys, stay strong.
#8. Tom Astley - Sub-Zero needs b12~clone and F42~clone to be safe
This one got quite a few people riled up, but come on, Mr Astley just wants to be able to use the clone exactly how he wants to in every situation, is that too much to ask? Don’t dare and try and suggest other ways to use the clone, you hear that Ultra David? He knows Sub-Zero. He IS Sub-Zero. If he wants to use the clone in a certain way, the developers should do everything in their power to make it so.
#7. Cossner – Every shit you post, I'll be watching you
The gist of the song is clear – he’s had enough of Reptile mains. It ain’t easy being green, and Reptile mains should live in constant fear of Señor Cossner, who will always be there, waiting to pounce on anyone willing to post sub-par “tech”.
#6. Rick Brady – Sub-Zero has at least 4 7-3s, it’s MK9 all over again.
Yep, match up numbers have been worked out for a FACT. Of course they have, how could you possibly think that that’s unreasonable? Level up scrubs. If you haven’t worked out bona fide match up numbers by now then you need to step it up.
#5. Kitana and Goro mains – Just the two of us, we can’t make it if we try
Now that their characters have been deemed certified shitters, there have been rumours that the so-called “downplayers” have been feeling an almost deadly level of smugness. At least their struggle is more widely recognised now, although I’m sure they will be demanding apologies.
#4. Pnut and Qwark – War God
What is it good for? Absolutely EVERYTHING. Who’d have thought that a hysterical downplayer and an infamous joker of an upplayer would make such a good duet? But these young Starrs certainly provided entertainment in their disagreements over their opinions on Kotal’s variations. I imagine a lot of you missed this one, due to there being no catchy “bottom 5” in the title, so go and have a read here if you’re interested.
http://testyourmight.com/threads/kotal-kahn-buff-idea.53256/page-3
#3. DMS – I just called, to ask, what the fuck is going on at ECT??
I don’t know how anyone could say that ECT was anything but an utter fuck up for the viewers. I hope everyone at the tournament had a good experience, but for those of us at home it was a shambles. With delays and last minute schedule changes, DMS even had to phone up one of the Terry brothers at the event just to find out what the fuck was going on. I guess we had been spoilt with Mr Aqua and TCW, what with providing us challonge brackets and not calling the viewers “mongoloids”, but I guess that we shouldn’t expect these sorts of standards from everyone in 2015.
#2. Everyone – Dizzy please come back
We don’t know if you’ll beat Sonic Fox again the next time you guys meet, but right now, you are our only hope. The Yomi mercenaries can’t stop him, the British and Canadian invasions both fell short. Please forgive the sins of those that cried about Raiden, we need someone to stop this kid mopping up the competition at every tournament he goes to.
#1. Bill Astley – Something something clone, something something Paulo
You know when a song seems mildly entertaining at first, and then it gets played everywhere you go, has a million different covers and dance remixs that it makes you hate music itself? Yeah, that’s what happened to clone talk. Jesus Christ, we had Clone doesn’t work properly, clone doesn’t work 2, clone does work. TYM genuinely became the Attack of the Clones, and I’ve tried my best to forget that film since the first time I was disappointed by it. For those of you that don’t know what the song goes like, the chorus is a little something like this:
Never gonna give you up,
Never gonna let you down,
Never gonna run around and
Desert you.
But I’m gonna fucking cry,
And I’m gonna tell some lies,
Then I’m gonna lose lose my mind, colt
Fuck you.
@mwelele zaza @SaltShaker
(Anyone else that wants to be tagged in future reports so that you don't miss them, let me know)
Next week I'll go back to my normal write ups, I promise.
http://testyourmight.com/threads/nsfw-week-8-character-salt-report-hot-tanya-fix-kenshi-edition.53233/
This week I’m presenting you the Top 10 emo songs of the week. So let’s get to it.
#10. Rick Astley – Everybody loves safe 50/50s, but hates my clone
I don’t know about you, but I can’t remember the last time I logged into TYM and didn’t see everybody professing their love for safe 50/50s. It brought the community together during the Injustice days and now everyone can’t stop singing their praises. Or, at least, that’s what Mr Astley would try and have you believe with this absolutely pathetic drivel. I suppose times are hard though, with that top 8 spot in the charts feeling ever elusive for the blues singer, he has turned to propagandist bullshit in order to try and gain sympathy.
#9. Shujinkydink and the Quan Children – We need wakeups
Can we all please take a minute to think about those brave Quan Chi mains. God bless them for taking the struggle of maining this character with a weakness. I mean, seriously, forget about the vortex and the powerful zoning, what good is all that if you have to block sometimes? This song personally brings a tear to my eye every time. Stay strong guys, stay strong.
#8. Tom Astley - Sub-Zero needs b12~clone and F42~clone to be safe
This one got quite a few people riled up, but come on, Mr Astley just wants to be able to use the clone exactly how he wants to in every situation, is that too much to ask? Don’t dare and try and suggest other ways to use the clone, you hear that Ultra David? He knows Sub-Zero. He IS Sub-Zero. If he wants to use the clone in a certain way, the developers should do everything in their power to make it so.
#7. Cossner – Every shit you post, I'll be watching you
The gist of the song is clear – he’s had enough of Reptile mains. It ain’t easy being green, and Reptile mains should live in constant fear of Señor Cossner, who will always be there, waiting to pounce on anyone willing to post sub-par “tech”.
#6. Rick Brady – Sub-Zero has at least 4 7-3s, it’s MK9 all over again.
Yep, match up numbers have been worked out for a FACT. Of course they have, how could you possibly think that that’s unreasonable? Level up scrubs. If you haven’t worked out bona fide match up numbers by now then you need to step it up.
#5. Kitana and Goro mains – Just the two of us, we can’t make it if we try
Now that their characters have been deemed certified shitters, there have been rumours that the so-called “downplayers” have been feeling an almost deadly level of smugness. At least their struggle is more widely recognised now, although I’m sure they will be demanding apologies.
#4. Pnut and Qwark – War God
What is it good for? Absolutely EVERYTHING. Who’d have thought that a hysterical downplayer and an infamous joker of an upplayer would make such a good duet? But these young Starrs certainly provided entertainment in their disagreements over their opinions on Kotal’s variations. I imagine a lot of you missed this one, due to there being no catchy “bottom 5” in the title, so go and have a read here if you’re interested.
http://testyourmight.com/threads/kotal-kahn-buff-idea.53256/page-3
#3. DMS – I just called, to ask, what the fuck is going on at ECT??
I don’t know how anyone could say that ECT was anything but an utter fuck up for the viewers. I hope everyone at the tournament had a good experience, but for those of us at home it was a shambles. With delays and last minute schedule changes, DMS even had to phone up one of the Terry brothers at the event just to find out what the fuck was going on. I guess we had been spoilt with Mr Aqua and TCW, what with providing us challonge brackets and not calling the viewers “mongoloids”, but I guess that we shouldn’t expect these sorts of standards from everyone in 2015.
#2. Everyone – Dizzy please come back
We don’t know if you’ll beat Sonic Fox again the next time you guys meet, but right now, you are our only hope. The Yomi mercenaries can’t stop him, the British and Canadian invasions both fell short. Please forgive the sins of those that cried about Raiden, we need someone to stop this kid mopping up the competition at every tournament he goes to.
#1. Bill Astley – Something something clone, something something Paulo
You know when a song seems mildly entertaining at first, and then it gets played everywhere you go, has a million different covers and dance remixs that it makes you hate music itself? Yeah, that’s what happened to clone talk. Jesus Christ, we had Clone doesn’t work properly, clone doesn’t work 2, clone does work. TYM genuinely became the Attack of the Clones, and I’ve tried my best to forget that film since the first time I was disappointed by it. For those of you that don’t know what the song goes like, the chorus is a little something like this:
Never gonna give you up,
Never gonna let you down,
Never gonna run around and
Desert you.
But I’m gonna fucking cry,
And I’m gonna tell some lies,
Then I’m gonna lose lose my mind, colt
Fuck you.
@mwelele zaza @SaltShaker
(Anyone else that wants to be tagged in future reports so that you don't miss them, let me know)
Next week I'll go back to my normal write ups, I promise.
(I miss that thread)
