Anecdotes that make no sense

[Prinz]

I'm going to post anecdotes that make no sense here, just for those who love'em and dig'em.
----------------
- Do you know the anecdote with the coincidence?
- No...
- What a coincidence, me neither.
----------------
A cowboy had a horse and it didn't mind...
----------------
- My girlfriend doesn't understand me. Does yours?
- I don't know, didn't talk to her about you...
----------------
2 cows were digging soda in a light bulb. One asks:
-Speaking of milk, what's the time?
The other one removes the thermometer and says:
-Wednesday.
Moral: do not throw stones at my window because the bike is not mine.
----------------
Noone and Stupid went to the beach. Noone went into the water,
but not knowing to swim, started drowning.
Stupid calls 911:
- Help, he's drowning, he's drowning!!!
- Who's drowning?
- Noone!!!
- Are you stupid?
- Yeah actually, where do you know me from?

 

[Noob Saibot]

I had a dream last night that I missed a spot on my chin shaving.

 

[Prinz]

- Why is the elefant big, grey and wrinkled?
- Because if it were small, white and smooth it would be called an aspirin.

 

[Prinz]

- Why doe elephants have red eyes?
- To hide better among tomatoes.
- But I've never seen elephants among tomatoes...
- They hide good, don't they?
-------------------
- Why elephants don't eat pizza?
- ?
- Because no one feeds it to them.

 

[Prinz]

Instructor of kamikaze's:
- Pay attention! I'll be showing only once!

 

[Prinz]

- What's the difference between a dog and a bark?
- ?
- A dog can bark, but a bark can't dog.

 

[Loot]

If you're rowing up hill in a canoe and a wheel falls off, how many pancakes are in the doghouse?

No, because ice cream has no bones.

 

[Prinz]

Two crocodiles were flying by the sidewalk.
One was red, the other one was sleeping.
The first asks:
- Have you seen the prices of fried rocks these days?
The second says:
- Yeah, cause I don't smoke.

 

[Seapeople]

Build a man a fire and you'll warm him for a night. Set a man on fire and you'll warm him for the rest of his life.

 

[Prinz]

A fat man was hanging out by a kindergarden. A teacher approaches him and asks:
- Excuse me, are you waiting for a kid?
- No, it's just that I'm a little fat, that's all...

 

[Prinz]

A group of tourists walking in the mountains. At some point they find a cave. They go in, everything was very nice, but it smelled awful. When they come out there was a shepherd outside and they ask him:
- Hey man, what's with that cave, it's very beautiful, but it stinks so horrible inside?
- Well my dear, he says, it's all legend. Once upon a time, an ogre was living inside. Twice a year he went down into the village and took with him the most beautiful woman. It remained so until the villagers were left with only the ugliest of the women, which no one fucked and so the village was the doomed to extinction. So, one day,the villagers gathered to decide how to get rid of the ogre. And they thought to call Prince Charming for help. They sent him a fax and he came after a week. Prince Charming entered the cave, took the ogre and struck him in the ground up his knee. The Ogre got mad and struck Prince Charming in the ground up his knees. Prince Charming did not fear and struck the ogre up the waist into the ground. The Ogre, with his last powers, struck Prince Charming and he entered up his armpits into the ground. Prince Charming, nervous as hell, lifts the ogre and struck him into the ground up his throat, takes the sword and cuts the top of the Ogre's head and let him so that the rats eat his brains. The villagers were very happy and made a party and drank for a couple of weeks. As a reward for Prince Charming, they gave the most beautiful of the ugliest women that were left. These two got married and lived in the cave until death took them apart.
- Well sir, we understand all that, but where does the awful stink come from?
- Well, I actually don't know, someone must've taken a shit in there!

 

[Killphil]

Whats the difference between roast beef and pea soup?

-Anyone can roast beef, but no one can pea soup.