Let me "translate" for you:
1. "Aw ya fuckin' roll and tuna wae fuckin' fish cufflinks on it"
I have no idea what this is a metaphor for, this is just him coming up with a random thought/insult or him being salty.
2. "You'll be gettin' beat up affa me!"
Literally just "I'm going to beat you up", simple.
3. "Fistin' fuck oot her insides like that goin' elbow deep man like that "Can ye feel ma fuckin' collar bone?"" "I'll just grab her intestines and tie them in knots and she'll be fucking spewing up my fucking sperm."
Aside from the excess use of the word 'fucking' for emphasis, these are both metaphors to do with fingering/fisting. We Scots are pretty graphic. I'm going to assume the "she" or "her" being referred to is the person that killed them's mother because that's the basis of most jokes nowadays on COD right?
Basically the first one is the guy saying he is going to fist the guy's mother so deep that he will fit from his hand to his elbow inside her vagina, fisting out her internal organs in the process, and because he's so deep the killer's mother will ask him if he can "feel [her] collar bone".
The second guy is also going to fist her, and he'll be deep enough to grab her intestines and tie them in knots. But of course he will have already made her swallow his sperm from some other activity and due to the mother's intestines being tied up she will proceed to vomit out the man's sperm. Again, we're a very graphic people.
4. "I'm aboot as dirty as yer maw mate, and that's fuckin' filthy."
After some English teen is done laughing at them and calling them "dirty cunts", the man, in his retort, goes on to tell the Englishman that he's about as dirty as the Englishman's mother, which is apparently "fuckin' filthy".
5. "NAW! YA WEE FUCKIN' BRUSSEL SPROUT! JUST KILLED ME!"
Another Englishman on the mic now asking if the Scotsman agrees with something, and in his retort he obviously does not concur. In his disagreement he goes on to call the Englishman a small Brussel Sprout (with another "fuckin'" added for emphasis, something that just comes naturally to us) for killing him. He decides he's too good to state "You just killed me!" and instead opts for the shorter, pronounless variant "JUST KILLED ME!". Again I have no idea what the insult of "wee Brussel Sprout" is actually supposed to mean, perhaps that the Englishman is disgusting, and because he is small he is inferior.
6. "Shut up fat arse!" "Your language is disgraceful..."
Not sure who's who here, nor do I know if this is even supposed to be funny/insulting so I'm going to skip it.
7. "Yer maw sits and dips her elbows in custard like that fucking celbows!"
Hard to say. Obvious insult to the person's mother once more. The dipping her elbows in custard part is a bit weird, maybe an insinuation that she's fat and/or mentally disabled. Celbows aren't something that I've heard of but I'm going to assume it's related to cankles. Probably just said as casual lobby chit-chat.
8. "Or else whit? WHAT YE GONNY DO?"
Another party member wants the man to "Just shut up!" and in retaliation the Scotsman reasserts his manliness and unwillingness to back down (we Scots love to fight, although I do most of mine in-game
) by asking him what he will do to shut him up.
9. "You're name's Gary Marley?" "Aye." *Laughter ensues*
If you found this funny then cool because I have no idea why the name Gary Marley is funny...but I'm sure you can work out what's happened here. The guy confirmed his name was Gary Marley. So yeah, next.
10. "fuckin' wheelbarra." "It's not wheelbarra, you almost had it." "Fuck off ya fuckin' dick! You'll be gettin' fuckin' flyin' elbowed! Flyin' through the air and fuckin'...you'll be chewin' on the end of ma elbow ya crotch."
Again just another salty randomly thought insult, his anger emphasized by the excess "fuckin'". But after the Englishman decides to (offensively) correct the Scotsman because he doesn't quite get that it's an accent, the Scotsman then informs him that he will be on the receiving end of a wrestling move if he is to continue with his hoodlum shenanigans. The resultant force from the flying elbow will send him flying through the air, and the way the elbow will hit him will leave him chewing on the end of his elbow. He then further insults the man by calling him a crotch.
11. "I will be mad. You'll be fuckin' meetin' the madness when I fuckin' claw hammer fuck out yer teeth ya fuckin' Belgian."
Ah, the inviting question of the troll species- "Are you mad mate?". The Scotsman lets the man know that he will in fact be mad, and that the Englishman will be "meeting the madness" as he proceeds to
claw hammer the f**k out of his teeth. I personally think this is quite an intelligent metaphor, I thought it was quite funny. Oh and the message of course ends with a further insult in that he is a Belgian. I'm thinking this was just the first nationality that came to his head, a randomly salty insult.
12. "Fuckin' hashtag fuckin' fantastic videos bro."
Not really an insult I don't think, just sarcasm.
13. "Take a leg aff a horse and make a few burgers." "I'll take a leg aff a horse, come up tae your house and set about yer fuckin' Dad Wyatt wae it."
The first sentence is obviously just in reference to the big horsemeat scandal. The second one begins as a threat, as in he is going to come up to his house with a horse's leg and beat something with it, it's just that I'm not sure what he's going to beat with it
not sure what a "Dad Wyatt" is...
14. "FUCK UP YA FUCKIN' JINGLE BELL!"
He's telling him to shut up, and I'm guessing it's near Christmas. Either that or yet another randomly thought up insult. Still kind of funny since he's calling him something pretty random.
Edit: Finished watching the rest of that part and he starts singing Jingle Bell Rock hahaha
15. "Fuck up mate. Yer maw's got a denim tracky."
A crude Englishman delighting the lobby with the knowledge that he has apparently put his fingers in the vaginas of all of their grandmothers begins to talk but is interrupted by the Scotsman who will have none of that kind of talk about his gran. He then insults the Englishman's mother's style, telling him his mother has a denim tracksuit and by the tone he says this in we can assume that a denim tracksuit is in fact not stylish at all. Ouch.
16. "On a Tuesday evening at nighttime. About 6 o'clock I whip ma pubes out!"
More graphic and slightly funnier parodied lyrics for a song I cannot identify. Almost in-key too, so close.
17. "You better be fuckin' quiet before you get a header in the Adam's Apple."
You heard him. If the man doesn't stop talking or saying things like "Wyatt!" (which I again have no clue is in reference to), the Scot is prepared to headbutt the man in the throat.
18. "I FUCKIN' KNEW IT! FUCKIN' LAMB TREE, MAN."
After having his suspicions confirmed, he lets the room in on another imaginative thought of his which he uses to insult his killer.
19. "Yer maw looks like Postman Pat."
*insert OOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHH gif here* He said the guy's mother looks like Postman Pat!
20. "See you? You keep goin' on I'm gonny end up fuckin' two-footed tackling yer fuckin' wee brother."
Another interestingly specific way of telling someone to stop talking. If the man were to continue talking, the Scotsman threatened to tackle the man's little brother (insinuating that he has one) with two feet.
21. "WHAT YOU DAIN'? YE FUCKIN' KILLED ME. FUCKIN' ABSOLUTE STANK."
Salty at the fact someone else must have got in the way of what he was doing or killed him, he calls him "stank". In other words he emits an unpleasant odour.
(dain' = doing)
22. "Ya fuckin' Ethiopian phonebox."
A further example of a Scotsman's imagination. Random country + random object = apparent insult.
23. "I don't give a fuck. You can suck the nipple right aff me."
He doesn't care. The other man can, well, you can see...
24. "Turn yer shit tunes aff polis before I uppercut you right oot yer fuckin' bagels." (The man annotating the video can't spell bagels lol)
The Scotsman doesn't like the music the other man is playing and so asks him to turn it off. If he doesn't, the Scotsman is threatening to uppercut him out of his bagels. What are "bagels" a metaphor for you ask? I don't even know any more, half of these insults are getting weird.
25. "Hashtag 90 tha-morra, only feel 21."
Going trolling I guess. "tha-morra" is just the way we say "tomorrow", kind of like saying "the 'morrow".
26. "Fuck up mate. You've got a fuckin' face like a BMX track. Fuck off."
The Englishman begins to insult the Scotsman with petty stereotypes - "sweaty BO pits with your ginger hair and-" - but is interrupted by the Scotsman who goes on to describe the other man's looks. I wouldn't call a BMX track pretty, that's for sure.
27. "Look at the state of your gun, man. Fuckin' 40" plasma on the top of it."
Comparing the sight on the gun to a large household TV. Another actually funny insult.
28. "Fuckin' Nelson Mandela's bookshelf."
Ok look, we are most definitely an imaginative country, but these guys in particular don't sound like the smartest Scots. I mean they're playing COD for one thing
They come up with some wacky insults but some of them are just plain weird and hard to understand (if they have any meaning)...
29. "Chew oan a brick. Chew oan ma fuckin' toe nail that I've no cut. Fuckin' chew oan an auld bone. Chew oan a fuckin' bit o' wid. Chew oan a fuckin' bit of chewing gum that's been stuck up yer maw's arse full of fuckin' leadbitter."
If you didn't already believe me that we were graphic, here's your proof now. He tells the other person to chew on several things. Leadbitter I'm sure refers to a footballer with the same second name but I think he's used it here as if leadbitter was an object or material of some sort. If you want me to translate any of the words in this sentence just ask haha.
30. "Hit the fence at all angles and all speeds ya fuckin' motion-sensor."
Criticizing the other driver for continually hitting the side barriers on the racetrack. Not sure how that makes him a motion-sensor, but if there was one in the car it'd have went haywire by now.
31. "I'll say whatever I want, alright? Ya fuckin' raging gravy tunnel.
Oh look another smart-ass trying to correct someone who's just trying to speak in their normal regional accent. Thankfully the quick-witted Scotsman has another wildly imaginative image to plant in the other's head in the form of an insult.
32. "You started calling us bad names ya fuckin' dick."
Simple insult really, not much to say about it. Thought pretty funny when you think about it because he's criticizing the other guy for calling him names but proceeds to call him a name.
33. "Hashtag fuckin' salty neck." "Fuck up ya fat dick!"
Salty neck? Metaphors, I'll tell you... But yet another name-calling. If you haven't already made the connection, "fuck up" = "shut up". In fact it's probably just a shorter way of saying "shut the f**k up".
34. "Who's this yin wae his fuckin' Lidl connection?"
This yin = this guy, wae = with. Since most people tend to shop at Asda and Tesco and Morrisons and the big supermarkets, by referring to his connection as a "Lidl connection" he's saying that it is poor.
35. "Don't be fuckin' wide."
As it said in the video, wide = rude to me. But it can be used in other ways, for example if someone refuses to do something you're asking them to do you could say "aw come on, don't be wide."
36. "YA FUCKIN' CAMPIN GROUSE!"
Angry at his killer. Killer must have been sitting in the same spot waiting to kill someone that went by. He is now a "grouse" in the Scotsman's eye.
At 4:00 they're all talking so the guy gets angry and shouts what you see in the video.
No idea if the dialogue after that about the Peacemaker is supposed to be of any relevance to anything.
37. "Fuck up ya fuckin' glass cabinet."
Another stereotyping Englishman tells the Scot to put his kilt on, wrong move. Damn glass cabinets...
The next guy doesn't like his "patter" (banter, chit-chat) being insulted so he gets angry and tells the other guy to "SHUT UP!"
38. "Hashtag Carbrini tracky out ma nut."
Not sure how to put this together. Carbrini tracksuits are usually worn by chavs (look it up if you're not sure what chavs are, I'm not sure what they'e known as elsewhere) and getting out your nut can sometimes mean getting drunk. As I said, not exactly the greatest example of the Scottish people.
39. "Awwwwwwwww. Ya fuckin' bag of beetles wae fuckin' some amount of gravy oan it."
Beetles and gravy, yum...
he must have a real distaste for getting killed.
40. "Who ye talkin' tae ya fuckin' raspberry ripple? You'll get fuckin' punched right out the now."
Basically an insult preceded by a more impolite version of "how dare you?".
41. "I'm gonny rub ma balls all over yer fuckin' wee brother's pedal bike."
Damn, and I'd just bought Timmy that new bike
Jk, this Scot is willing to rub his testicles against the bicycle of his killer's little brother as revenge for killing him. Yikes. Not sure if he has a little brother though.
42. "What are you getting yer robot voice in about? Fagatron."
The newest LGBT addition to the Transformers. I wouldn't let this kind of insult slide personally, but some Scots are just that blunt.
43. "This guy is more annoying than shiteing out a hedgehog."
Do I really have to explain this? Scottish guys are graphic.
44. "A fuckin' gravy burger fae hell."
These guys sure like gravy.
45. "Fuck up man, yer maw dances like Shakira. Fucking get to." "Your maw fuckin' looks like Mark Henry."
Supposed to be an insult but I don;t see how that's a bad thing. Unless it's a "your mum is sexy" kind of thing. "Get to" is just an unfinished "get to *insert place here*", it just requires less effort. And the other guy's mum looking like Mark Henry is an obvious insult that I shouldn't have to explain.
46. "Fucking don't and you'll be getting a knuckle-berry supper. Like that, 'kaboom'. 'Kaboom' and then I'll fuckin' change my dynamic stance and I'll hit you a left, like that. Overhead knuckle dragger. "
If the other man doesn't do something he's going to get punched. But punches are referred to as "a knuckle-berry supper" and "overhead knuckle dragger". Inventive I suppose. Not sure where dynamic stance originates, he could know some sort of martial art.
47. "Your gran's out the front like that, fuckin' trying to kick start a fuckin' petrol lawnmower like that shouting "Bring me the strimmer, bring me the strimmer."
Wow, insulting the other man's grandmother's inability to start the lawnmower. That's low. Super low. It doesn't get any lower than that. I'm being sarcastic by the way.
Conclusion: these guys are probably twats in real life, but some of their insults were pretty good. I'd give a commendable A-.
That's pretty offensive. He's Irish...
