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For Those Who Like To Write

AeroGrunt

Stay Puft
Hope everyone is still writing stuff.
I have over 10 unfinished scripts, a notebook full of ideas yet still I don't really have inspiration to write anything. I think I critique myself too much so I leave my scrips unfinished when I think they're becoming too generic or don't seem to work.
 
See I can't do that. I have to stick with something until the end or just scrap it, taking what ever was valuable and putting it into a new story. Same thing applies to watching movies and reading books for me. I try to do one thing at a time so I'm not being overwhelmed. Do you think that having multiple projects around you has helped your writing?
 

AeroGrunt

Stay Puft
See I can't do that. I have to stick with something until the end or just scrap it, taking what ever was valuable and putting it into a new story. Same thing applies to watching movies and reading books for me. I try to do one thing at a time so I'm not being overwhelmed. Do you think that having multiple projects around you has helped your writing?
My "unfinished" means scrapped pretty much. I go through them every now and then to see if there's anything good in there.
 
All right people... I'm going over my work one last time then shipping it off to an editor and literary agent. Maybe in a month or two depending on whether or not I'm distracted. My questions are these....
1) Should I skip the editor and just pitch it to an agent once I find one or no?
2) Does Dyzvhtynzal's Conundrum look better than Dzhvhtynzal's Conundrum? Or, are they both shitty? I think both are better than Blue Shift. Thoughts?
 

Zoidberg747

My blades will find your heart
All right people... I'm going over my work one last time then shipping it off to an editor and literary agent. Maybe in a month or two depending on whether or not I'm distracted. My questions are these....
1) Should I skip the editor and just pitch it to an agent once I find one or no?
2) Does Dyzvhtynzal's Conundrum look better than Dzhvhtynzal's Conundrum? Or, are they both shitty? I think both are better than Blue Shift. Thoughts?
I like the first one
 
Ha. Good. Leaning towards that. Dizz Va Tin Zal sounds better me thinks than Dige Va Tin Zal. Thanks Zoidberg. That takes care of that.
 

AeroGrunt

Stay Puft
Would anyone be interested in co-writing a fictional documentary with me? Need someone to brainstorm with and bounce ideas off of.
 
My book has been looked over by an editor who seems to like it. She suggested a few changes which i'm going to handle my own way and then i'm going to prepare a letter and send the sucker out.

She didn't like the title - Dyzvhtynzal's Conundrum. too hard to remember and spell so I'm going with either

1) Conundrum
2) Synchronicity
or
3) Dominion

What do you people think?
 
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AeroGrunt

Stay Puft
My book has been looked over by an editor who seems to like it. She suggested a few changes which i'm going to handle my own way and then i'm going to prepare a letter and send the sucker out.

She didn't like the title - Dyzvhtynzal's Conundrum. too hard to remember and spell so I'm going with either

1) Conundrum
2) Synchronicity
or
3) Dominion

What do you people think?
I like Synchronicity
 
D

Deleted member 28105

Guest
Is this an open thread? I could post a few things here. Possibly develop some actual TYM related material if I grow bored of my other hobbies.
 

Zoidberg747

My blades will find your heart
I finally have started to write again. New project im working on is a sci-fi thriller featuring what is essentially seal team six but with aliens. This is the first part of one of the storylines, whether it will be a bunch of short stories or a novel is still up in the air. This is the first draft so Id like to get any feedback I can(I realize there may be some grammar issues but dont feel the need to post them, I will most likely go back and fix them myself). Anyway here it is:

The Artifact

The year was 2068. The first contact from extraterrestrial life was made on December 14th, when an encrypted message was picked up by the Assad. What ensued after was a long history of diplomacy, warring, and an eventual pact between the vast amounts of species that inhabited neighboring galaxies. The product of this cease fire was the Galactic Peacekeeping Agency, which was responsible for maintaining relations and enforcing galactic laws created by the Agency. The organization was successful at first, with little to no conflict reported between 3450 and 3550. However, the introduction of a new barbaric species, the Vengans, threw the galaxies into chaos. Planets were pillaged and sometimes destroyed. Some species were almost completely annihilated, while others lost their homes. Many looked to the Agency for aid, but it had been dealing with its own issues.

At this same time, there were reports of corruption high in the ranks of the Agency. Some planets were forced to pay exuberant tax rates, and there had been increasing reports of Agency officers committing heinous crimes, often without punishment. Eventually planets started to break away from the Agency altogether, and some even united to rebel and try and disrupt Agency operations. This group was later named The Dissenters, although they did not formally recognize the name. The Dissenters goal was not to start a war, as there were far too few of them to take on the Agency. However, they did all they could to distract the Agency from more pressing matters. Destroying trade barges, boarding civilian ships and stealing all cargo aboard, attacking mining and energy facilities on their home planets. Originally, The Dissenters proclaimed themselves a non-violent organization, but their disgruntled members became increasingly more aggressive and began to target Agency officers. Eventually, their peaceful protests turned into volatile terrorism, killing numerous soldiers and civilians alike.

The Agency eventually decided it would be necessary to start training elite military groups to deal with these dangers. Millions of beings were taken from their homes and placed in a military school, and within ten years the Agency had built a formidable army. The Dissenters were relentlessly hunted for five years, and the Vengans were forced back to their own galaxy. Although Dissenters are more cautious about their acts, they still occasionally come out to cause more havoc. The Vengans were dormant for a time, but within a few years they had come back to resume their destructive ways.

The most elite military group the Agency employed was named the Feral Five. It consisted of only the most formidable fighters in the galaxies, and only was used for the most important missions the Agency had. The leader of this group, Captain Amax, was a Degassan. A nomadic bird-like species that thrived in arid climates, the Degassans were one of the species that became Dissenters. Amax did not agree with the Dissenters violent tactics, and opted to enroll in Agency military school instead. His second in command was Elsir, a Madrelan. A warrior-like feline species, the Madrelans are known for their aggression and fighting ability. Elsir was taken in by Amax after he found her in a city raided by Vengans. He raised her and enrolled her in military school as soon as she was eligible. She graduated at the top of her class and was immediately placed in team Sigma Six. The third member to be placed was Yuquiss, an Elassi. Elassi’s were extremely agile, jumping higher and sprinting faster than any race that existed at the time. Yuquiss was very adept in battle, but got into trouble often due to his arrogance. Shortly after Yuquiss joined the ranks, two more beings were instated. Obhegnar the Sonzarian, an imp-like race that employed the use of high tech battle armor in combat. And lastly, a human had been placed into the team. John Rogers was not an ordinary human however, as his father was a Boshannon, or a being that could read minds and translate all alien languages. It wasn’t until a year later where they met a Deshaliak, a hooded mutant race, who had hijacked an Agency ship and had taken the crew hostage. After what seemed like hours of fighting, he finally came face to face with Amax. The two instantly recognized each other, although how they had met was never revealed to the rest of the team. Instead of arresting him, Amax offered him a spot on the squad, claiming his telekinetic powers would prove to be very useful. The Agency accepted, partly due to Amax leaving out how they had found him, and the team was renamed the Sigma Six. These six soldiers were the most elite combat group the Agency created, and had single-handedly repelled many Vengan attacks. They are only called upon in situations thought to be of grave Importance by the Agency.

Now it was 3570, and there had been a year of peace. Sigma Six was sent back to their home planets, and the armed forces had been greatly reduced. Things stayed relatively silent until a massive mining operation on Surilia sent out a distress signal. Surilia had been the Agency’s main source of Icrium, the element used to power entire planets. Fearing a resurge of the Dissenters, the Agency called Sigma Six to action. What they didn’t know was that the culprits were not Dissenters, but something much more sinister.


***

He looked out the window and stared at all the wonderful sights. The bright red and blue stars that each looked like a mini sun. Planets that looked as if they were bigger than the entire universe itself. Meteorites drifted through the air at a snail’s pace, creating a sea of rock. Finally, John caught his first glance of Surilia. There was a thick fog enshrouding the planet, although you could still see the neon green rivers flowing through it. The rivers were so bright that you could see how each one connected to the other. He remembered reading about it in school, how each river was connected to each other, something that had never been seen on another planet. He also remembered it being one of the most dangerous environments in the galaxies. The rivers were made of pure Icrium, an extremely acidic yet vital element. The Icrium had become the premier fuel source for most of the galaxies. It also had the tendency to evaporate due to Surilia’s constantly changing climates, which caused the thick cloud of fog. The rain was like acid rain, except ten times more deadly. The air was not fit to breathe due to the vapors. So many workers had died on the planet trying to collect the Icrium, but they had never shut the extraction sites down. The Icrium was so vital that the sacrifice of hundreds of lives was justified in the eyes of the Agency. John couldn’t help but think of all those who have lost their lives on this very planet that he were about to land on. He heard a faint voice in the background but he ignored it as usual, he did not feel up to reading thoughts. He realized that this was the first time he feared the planet itself more than what was on it.

“John!”

His concentration broken, John sighed and looked over at Elsir, who must have been calling him all this time.

“Sorry, I was just…”

“This debriefing is important, I suggest you pay close attention,” interrupted Amax.

“We received a distress signal from an Icricorp official yesterday at approximately 20:13. All that could be made out of the transmission was the phrase ‘Need Help’. The Agency believes it to be another Dissenter attack. To tell you the truth, this seems unlikely. They do not ever come out this far and are not adequately equipped to even land on Surilia. I fear this may be something even more dangerous.”

“Vengan?” Yuquiss inquired.

The room fell silent, and a touch of fear could be seen in the eyes of some of the soldiers.

“I…I don’t know. We should be prepared for anything. Our objective is to locate the extraction site and eliminate any unwanted guests.”

“We should also be on the lookout for workers right? I mean, some of them could have survived,” interjected Obhegnar.

“Good point. You and Yuquiss are to search for any survivors and bring them back to the ship. I, John, Elsir, and Tulan will head to the site to figure out what the hell happened. I shouldn’t have to tell you how many dangers lurk on this planet, so be careful. Let’s get ready for the landing.”

And with that, the team scrambled back into the control room and took their seats.

***

As the ship slowly descended, John could see the rivers getting closer and closer. With each few meters he was able to see the details of the terrain; barren ground with dead soil, bubbles coming up out of the river. He even thought he saw something moving in the water, but had hoped his eyes were playing tricks on him.

When the ship finally landed the two parties split up. The team was heading toward the extraction site when John heard faint voices. He signaled to the rest of the group to stop, and waited until the voices became clearer.

“Ki….Ki…..Ki….Ki…Ki,” was all he could hear. The others looked at him quizzically, but trusted that he wasn’t just losing his mind. His heart froze as the syllables finally formed words.

“Kill…Kill…Kill…Kill,” said the voices, getting louder as they got closer.

“Hostiles coming straight at us sir!”

John tried to warn the others. But before anyone could react a horrible worm like creature jumped straight out of the water, coming at John with terrifying speed. He saw its mouth open to reveal five rows of razor sharp teeth, with strands of green slobber flowing down its mouth. It emitted an ear shattering shriek that left John completely stunned. As it grew closer he knew he wouldn’t have enough time to raise his gun, knew he didn’t even have time to step out of the way. Time seemed to slow down as his life flashed before his eyes, patiently waiting for the bitter end. The worm stopped right before it came upon his face, the creature’s breath like a wave of noxious gas. Then in a split second it was flown into the air and torn completely in half, leaving green goop raining down on the team. When John wiped off his eyes he saw Tulan standing two feet away from him, his eyes bright red and his hands glowing. After everyone had time to shake off what had just happened, Amax signaled for the group to start moving.

The team trekked on for what seemed like an eternity. Tulan and John were walking along before John finally spoke up.

“I never thanked you for what you did back there”

Tulan turned to face him, nothing visible under his cloak except for his eyes. “A dead friend is a useless one”.

That made John chuckle a little bit. Tulan certainly had a way with words. Although Tulan hardly ever spoke, he had begun to grow an appreciation for the rest of the team. John remembered when they first met, and how Tulan had tried to kill him. He remembered having Tulan surrounded, only to be thrown back against the wall. He could hear his own ribs cracking when he hit the wall. Eventually they had cornered him, but John couldn’t remember a tougher fight in all of his years of service. Although they had met in less than pleasant circumstances, John and Tulan quickly began to become close. Although he would never admit it, Tulan couldn’t have been happier to find somewhere he fit in, since Deshaliaks were often outcast due to their grotesque features. Even if his tone always seemed a bit sarcastic, John knew that Tulan would always have his back, and vice versa.

***

Yuquiss and Obhegnar had come upon a worker camp within the first few miles. When the camp came in view they had quickly realized this would not be a rescue mission. Bodies littered the ground all around them. Whatever had attacked this camp had completely torn apart anything in their path. Yuquiss tried to turn on his com to warn the others, but all he got was static.

“Fantastic,” he grunted. Before he could do anything else he heard a number of howls over the hill up ahead. Within seconds he could see the shadows of creatures running toward him. He looked quickly back at Obhegnar who was already charging his laser cannon. Yuquiss pulled out his Proton Pistol and waited patiently for the creatures could come into view.

As he watched the shadows started to take shape into an all too familiar form. There must have been at least 50 of them, coming at them full speed. They were big as Obhegnar, running on all fours. Almost like a pack of rabid dogs, except they were twice as big and had jaws twice as large as any other canine species. Yuquiss remembered reading about them, a race called the Dogirans. According to the books they were thought to be extinct for thousands of years, but his eyes didn’t lie. He suddenly realized he would have to figure out their strange occurrence after he stopped them from tearing him to pieces.

Obhegnar was the first to fire his cannon into the swarm. Ten Dogirans were caught in the blast and were set ablaze, their howls turning into high-pitched yelps as they fell to the ground. Yuquiss started firing as well, but the proton beam didn’t seem to faze them. He panicked, wondering how he was going to stop these things. Then he remembered the river that was only a few hundred feet behind him.

“Hey O, follow me,” Yuquiss called out, only to be met with a puzzled look from the Sonzarian. Thankfully he didn’t have time to argue and started sprinting to keep up with the Elassi. Eventually they reached a dead end, the river at their backs.

“What are we going to do now?” Obhegnar asked.

“You still have those jetpacks in your boots right? Just wait until they get real close and jump as high as you can, trust me”

Obhegnar stared for a few seconds before finally nodding.

The pack drew nearer and nearer. The faces of the Dogirans started to light up as they got closer to their prey. They were only about a hundred feet from them now. Fifty…Twenty Five…Ten.

“Now!”

Yuquiss sprung up into the air, jumping straight over the pack. Obhegnar jumped and clicked his boots together, just before the jets in his feet sprung to life and shot him straight over the enemy. Yuquiss turned back to see the animals try and stop before they reached the edge, but they had been going too fast. Most ran straight into the toxic liquid, flailing and shrieking as their entire body melted by the caustic Icrium. He thought they may have been in the clear, but a few of the Dogirans had managed to stop in time to turn around and head back after them. There were now only five of them, but that didn’t really comfort Yuquiss. Obhegnar’s iron fist opened to create a laser axe, and Yuquiss pulled out a laser machete he had saved as a last resort. It looked like he wouldn’t be getting out of this fight.

Three of the Dogirans veered off to attack Obhegnar, while the remaining two headed straight for Yuquiss. One of them jumped straight at him, only to be met with a slash to the underbelly. The other clawed him in the shoulder, sending his armor flying and producing a stream of blue blood. Yuquiss winced but managed to react fast enough to cut off the other claw before it could hit. The Dogirans both reeled back in pain, but only for a moment. He had only made them angrier. They both pounced immediately at Yuquiss. He quickly ducked and swung his machete in a wide upward arc. When the Dogirans landed their heads rolled past their bodies, and Yuquiss tried to wipe off the creature’s blood off of his face. He turned to see Obhegnar overwhelmed by three of the creatures. He saw his chest and back open to reveal a set of missiles, and within seconds pieces of the Dogirans were scattered across the landscape.

Yuquiss shoulder was still bleeding, although he had managed to slow it down quite a bit. Obhegnar’s battle suit had a wide variety of dents and gashes, wires and cogs revealing themselves from underneath the armor. Although it certainly looked worse for wear, Obhegnar could still move his limbs. After a moment to catch their breath, they began to run towards the extraction site the others had gone to. They had to warn them before they got an ambush of their own.

***

The rest of Sigma Six continued their search for the extraction facility. John looked around to see if he could spot any indication of where this building was. Sadly for him there was none, and the only thing in view was the glow of the river and dead ground. All of a sudden Amax held up his hand. The team stopped and stared at their captain, waiting to see what he was waiting on.

“Am I the only one who sees these tracks?” he inquired.

The rest of the team stared at what looked like the tracks of some sort of animal. From the looks of it whatever made these had about one hundred pairs of legs.

“Please don’t be a giant centipede, please don’t be a giant centipede,” John continually muttered to himself.

The team continued their walk, but not without looking back and seeing if something was following them. When it became clear nothing was, they slowly began to continue on.

After hours and hours of searching, the team finally found the building they were looking for. It was massive; looming over them like a sunset would back on Earth. At first the team began to grow relieved, as they had finally found what they were looking for. But those looks of relief quickly turned to dread when they looked down. Hundreds of different sets of tracks littered the ground. Some were human-like, while others were bigger than all of them combined. They scattered in every direction, but their source was the same; the extraction facility. Everyone fell silent, staring at each other. They all knew what had to be done, and after a moment to catch their breath they started toward the facility.

***

The facility was almost as big on the inside as it was on the outside. The numerous winding hallways made the place seem like a labyrinth, but it only got worse as they went. The walls were all torn and battered in; exposed wiring hung from the ceiling at every turn. This place had been completely destroyed, and the team could only begin to imagine what could have done this. Luckily for them, they didn’t have to wait very long. Moments after entering one of the corridors the sound of wings flapping grew louder and louder. Everyone spun just in time to see a group of six or seven hostiles heading toward them. They were winged beasts with scales covering their whole body. John had thought they looked like a horrible mix of a dragon and a butterfly. He didn’t have time to further contemplate what the beings could have been, since they were only a few feet away now.

The beasts began to spit out what seemed to be acidic goo, which melted everything it touched. John dove to the side, narrowly missing one of the shots. Tulan tried to fling the goo back at the beasts, but it didn’t seem to affect them. Elsir tried to back away but was hit in the leg. She reeled back and screamed as the goo melted through her armor and skin. Amax started to fire his weapon, nailing two of them in the head. As the two fallen creatures crashed into a wall, the others started to flee down the hallway. In a matter of seconds the beasts had gone, leaving only the soldiers and acid stains on the walls.

“Elsir, you alright?” John asked worriedly.

“Hurts like a bitch, but I think I’ll be fine,” she assured him.

A closer look revealed that the wound was worse than she thought, as the acid had chewed through her leg down to the bone.

“Elsir, sit down. Tulan should be able to heal you up alright. Me and John will continue on to the control room, see if we can’t find how many of those things there are. Copy that John?”

But John was not listening. Something had drawn him into his own head, filled his thoughts with a strange noise. He could barely make out syllables, even words. He tried as hard as he could to decipher the noises, but he couldn’t. He had never found a language that he was unable to translate, which made him wonder if it was a language at all. Whatever it was, it had started to call to him, pulling him deeper into the facility.

“John, where are you going?” Amax asked.

John snapped out of his trance like state and looked back at his team, all staring at him. “Uh, nowhere. I just though I heard something, that’s all.”

“We’ll find out soon enough if you did. By the way, why didn’t you warn us about those things back there?”

“I dunno Cap, I just didn’t hear them.”

“Strange, must be something here interfering with your gift.”

“Yeah, maybe.”

***

“Look O, I think that’s the place.”

“Looks like it alright. Place is huge.”

“We better start looking then.”

The two soldiers entered the building the same way as there squad mates. A trail of empty shells lead down one of the hallways. This had always been Amax’s way of leaving a trail. The two quickly followed the trail all the way down to the end of it, before hearing an approaching noise.

“What was that O?”

“No idea. I just hope it isn’t more Dogirans.”

Before they could finish the dragon-like creatures came crashing out of the adjacent hallway. Both men drew their weapons and started firing. The proton beam tore through one of the creatures wings, causing it to fall to the ground. Obhegnar set his lasers to rapid fire and tore through the remaining four creatures. Within seconds all five of them were lying still in front oh them.

“What the Hell are those things O…”

“I don’t know. This planet seems like a breeding ground for strange beasts.”

“Well we better get moving. They should be just up this way…”

The two were interrupted by a loud, continuous clanging noise behind them.

“More of those things?”

“Nah, sounds like their grounded. Better stay sharp, that’s a whole bunch of feet.”

The two stood with their weapons ready. From around the corner came a gigantic insect with one hundred pairs of legs. It crawled all around the walls and ceiling, barreling at them with speed. Its three pairs of pincers were clicking furiously as it approached its prey. Obhegnar shot at its legs, vaporizing them with every shot. Yuquiss mirrored his partner, aiming his beam at the other side of the creature. Their plan started to backfire as it only picked up speed, not even noticing its missing pairs of legs. The two looked at each other and instantly formed a backup plan. Yuquiss leaped over the beast’s back, causing it to turn slightly. As soon as it did, Obhegnar summoned his axe and brought it down with full force on the creature, cutting it in half. The creature let out a squeal while writhing around, slowly letting its life drain itself. Obhegnar and Yuquiss looked at each other, breathing heavily.

“We...should…keep…moving” Yuquiss said, panting.

“Lead the way.”

***

John and Amax had been walking for what seemed like hours. The hallways and corridors seemed to grow longer and longer, and each one left the two more anxious than the last. After all, they had learned what lurked in some of these corridors. To make matters worse, the noises had become louder and stronger. John could barely hear himself think, his head pounding thanks to some language he couldn’t even understand. It all was just noise to him, which only made him more frustrated. He didn’t understand what this place was doing to his gift; first he didn’t hear those winged things coming, and now he couldn’t even decipher these damn noises. His thoughts drifted to all the workers, who he assumed met their end at the hands of the beasts. Then again, wouldn’t there be bodies left behind? The acid had chewed Elsir’s leg down to the bone, but it hadn’t melted the bone itself. Surely there would be some remains somewhere, but he couldn’t be sure. For all he knew there were even deadlier beings running through these halls. He struggled to think of any scenario where the workers survived.

After hours and hours of twisting and turning through the facility, the two came upon the control room. It was enclosed by two large titanium doors that looked like they had been unhinged and dented earlier. The doors must have been locked by the control panel on the left side, but something had smashed it to pieces. John didn’t think the winged creatures had that much strength. Shivers began to run down his body as they stepped into the room. Rows of generators were lined up side to side, with wires running up the walls like vines. Tiny screens were hanging from the ceiling, with one huge one at the back of the room. The room must have been quite a sight before this all started, with each generator running with images flashing across the screen. Unfortunately, whatever had happened left the room looking like a landfill. Chunks of metal were strewn all across the room, along with shards of glass from the broken screens. The generators were almost unrecognizable, each being reduced to piles of garbage. The screen at the back had most of its glass missing, which must have contributed to the shattered glass floors. But none of this caught the eye of the two men, because a blinding bright light was emanating from behind the rubble. John shot a glance at Amax, who only nodded.

The two carefully made their way around the obstacle course of wires and screens before the source of light came into view. It was a cube, with beams interlocking with each other to form a grid around what seemed like a ball of white light. As interesting what the cube was, John couldn’t take his eyes off of the image it was projecting. It appeared to be another planet, with lush green landscapes and bodies of clear water. It may have been the most beautiful image he had ever seen. Before he could stop to admire the view, the noises came back in full force. This time he could make out a word, one word: Come. Before he knew it his feet were moving, walking towards the light. Amax called out to him, but he wasn’t listening. Amax stepped toward him before being violently thrown against the wall. John wanted to reach out to him, help him, but he couldn’t. Whatever this was had latched on to his conscious, and it wasn’t letting go. His feet kept moving at a steady pace, each step drawing him closer to the image. As he got near it, he could begin to see something moving in the background. He started to realize that something was heading straight for him. He couldn’t make out what it was, only that it walked on four legs. He had no idea what was going to come out of the other side of that screen, but he knew that it couldn’t be good. He started to wonder if he would ever make his way back, ever see his team again. The screen was only a few feet away now, as was whatever was on the other side. He heard Amax call out one last time, his words muddled by the blood running from his mouth. John wished with every bone in his body that he could hear him, go back to him. But he couldn’t, and knew that nothing would stop him from entering this land. With all control of his body lost, John couldn’t help but watch as his body was drawn into the screen, disappearing from the room.
 
D

Deleted member 28105

Guest
@Zoidberg747 I thoroughly enjoyed this, I thought that it was very creative and I can appreciate the effort you have put in to composing such an intricate atmosphere. Your imagination is very impressive, to say the least.

If I may add just a touch of constructive criticism, it would be your word choice. It is evident that you're capable of formulating complex sentences, and your vocabulary seems fairly extensive. However, most readers wont be as linguistically gifted as you are. There are a few instances here and there where I feel like a different word could be used to appease those who are more.. dimwitted. And, possibly enhance the flow of the read for those people as well.

Overall, a very enjoyable read.
 

Zoidberg747

My blades will find your heart
@Zoidberg747 I thoroughly enjoyed this, I thought that it was very creative and I can appreciate the effort you have put in to composing such an intricate atmosphere. Your imagination is very impressive, to say the least.

If I may add just a touch of constructive criticism, it would be your word choice. It is evident that you're capable of formulating complex sentences, and your vocabulary seems fairly extensive. However, most readers wont be as linguistically gifted as you are. There are a few instances here and there where I feel like a different word could be used to appease those who are more.. dimwitted. And, possibly enhance the flow of the read for those people as well.

Overall, a very enjoyable read.
Good point. I try not to reuse words but I also felt like I kind of stretched a few times. I appreciate the feedback.
 
I've been away a while, so it's nice that people are still writing stuff. I'll get around to reading everyone's work when I get back. Dark Souls 2 kidnapped me and I think I'm going to be trapped here for some time.
 
Pretty good Zoidberg. I liked it. I'll read it again later. only thing that i had issue with was names/races. maybe i read too fast but i had to stop and think who people were sometimes. not a big issue a careful read wont fix i think. didnt like dog-like creatures being called dogriggians or something... just my opinion. elsir has to be enduring tremendous pain... maybe show this? unless i missed something. what else? i'll reread a little later.
 

Indecisive

We'll burn you all—that is your fate!
I don't know what to call these. So i generally just call them writings. This is something that i wrote a while back. Figured it would be good to share my work with others. See what the think. In each of my writings i have the title and my Name. R'yth is the name that i use when writing. Or one of them. It is a character i created. But thats a story for another time. Enjoy
Mind

R’yth

My thoughts begin to trail off. I don’t have any control of where they will go or which path they will take. As I open my eyes I look at my surroundings. I see darkness. The gleam of light that was once there has left my sight. I have been here before. I am in a place that exists within the deepest parts of my mind. A place I wish to never go, and yet I have returned. I never understand why I continue to come back to such a horrible place. A place where I see the bodies of those who have found a way past my cold and into my heart lay lifeless on the ground around me. My eyes begin to widen at the site of those lost and yet I feel no tears drop from my eye, just a painful chill down my spine. I look down and see what I thought was gone return. The cold that once had melted has returned. I look in what can only be described as a reflection of what is in my mind. And I see myself. I look as what I think to be me changes. Eyes begin to turn black, horns extend from its skull, it arches forward spikes coming out its back, and teeth sharpen. It looks up at me and points. It begins walking towards me and I try to back away but I have nowhere to go. I close my eyes trying to leave and when I open them I return. I look around see my table and look at my phone. Messages missed hours lost. I breathe deep and try to relax. I get ready and wonder. How much longer until it happens again?
 

Zoidberg747

My blades will find your heart
Pretty good Zoidberg. I liked it. I'll read it again later. only thing that i had issue with was names/races. maybe i read too fast but i had to stop and think who people were sometimes. not a big issue a careful read wont fix i think. didnt like dog-like creatures being called dogriggians or something... just my opinion. elsir has to be enduring tremendous pain... maybe show this? unless i missed something. what else? i'll reread a little later.
If you're confused I have my personal notes with races/settings/characters. Might clear things up.

Dogirans might be a little weak. but I just couldn't think of anything else lol.