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Dealing With Racism

Sao87

@thedigitaldojo
Honestly it sounds like everyone you're with is retarded. Surround yourself with people who don't tolerate ignorance.
 

CrimsonShadow

Administrator and Community Engineer
Administrator
It's terrifying. So anyone saying shrug it off, it's no big deal, please stop. It's a very big deal, especially to any parent in Washington.... I don't know how to stop bullying and neither does anybody or we wouldn't have so many tragedies in the world.

Hitting bullies doesn't work, ignoring them doesn't always work, and telling victims to suck it up and shrug it off only makes it worse. What we can do, if you find this mess as horrifying as I do, is try to be there for people when others hurt them. Sometimes that's just listening, being a support network and not playing "Mr. Fix-it, here's the solution to a complex social injustice" all the time.... Which we have a lot of on TYM lol

OP I survived HS a million years ago, and you will too! Feel free to pm me anytime if you want talk. :)
I think you're actually kind of agreeing with some of the people in this thread, though. I don't think they meant "shrug it off" as in, "it's ok to bully people"; but rather, it's better to learn to brush things off than to let them bother you and get you to the point whether you either become depressed or build up rage and do something like the guy you mentioned.

In general, people in in life will not always be nice to you, whether it be in school, at work, out in public, anywhere at any age. That means that to keep a level head, it's necessary to develop a thick skin and know what to ignore. There are so many situations in life that can be defused by not making them any bigger than they really are, walking away, and choosing to focus on something more positive.

When you let people get to you and ruffle you, they win -- and who wants to let jerks win? I know I don't.

Having control over your own emotions is powerful, and it's something you will never regret developing in life.
 
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DarkPage

Noob
"yeah need me to help you get your "F" in that class to a "D"?" then laugh or something

or like "yeah want me to teach you how to count?"

Gotta have thick skin man, from high school to college, to some work places.

I recommend not doing that whole tell him your feelings stuff.
 
Another thing I wanted to say, you don't have to take what he says as offensive or something negative.

Sometimes, take it literally and make him look stupid like you're actually serious about it, or turn into something positive and comment on it.
 

Saboteur-6

Filthy Casual
I think the main thing to take away @BrianTheBEAST is to address it directly with the guy in question the next time it happens. You don't have to physically go after him but if tries to pull the same type of shit (insult you and then be like "no see, we're really good friends") THAT's your opportunity to stand up for yourself and tell him "No...we're really not friends because of bullshit comments like you just made. It's racist as fuck bro and I'd appreciate if you'd cut that shit out." You can try the 'moral high road first' but the main thing is that you stand up for yourself or it'll continue.
 

Espio

Kokomo
People like this say lots of dumb, ignorant things sometimes and they might not even realize (as sad as it is) that they're being an ass or saying something that might offend you or make you feel lesser/uncomfortable.

You just need to tell people straight up , candidly and honestly that you don't appreciate their behavior and maybe if you tell this person how their behavior makes you feel, most people will apologize and chill out.

Unless he gets physically violent or confrontational, you don't need to deck him or throw bows on him at all, not worth the drama for someone else's ignorance.

I've had people say a lot of ignorant, nasty things about me being black, gay and Agnostic, if I hit everyone who ever said something stupid, ignorant or hateful I'd have more problems than I can count now.

We only get one life and it's too short to spend it with people who bring you down or make you feel lesser, you need people that compliment you as a person. And of course, people only assert power over you if you let them.

And those girls you were hanging with....lol. Not much to say, if they're gonna let some dude talk to them like they're pros, then that's on them and it says a lot about how much respect they have for themselves and he has for women.

PM me anytime if you wanna talk :).
 
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We only get one life and it's too short to spend it with people who bring you down or make you feel lesser, you need people that compliment you as a person. And of course, people only assert power over you if you let the .
Thanks for the advice Espio. What you say really makes sense to me and I appreciate your perspective :)
 

Scott The Scot

Where there is smoke, there is cancer.
The guy sounds like a total douchebag. Fuck him.
I mean, like, only if he consents. Otherwise that's rape. Wemfs endorses rape, confirmed.


Buuuut to answer the question. I would turn the other cheek, laugh it off and pick fun at his race in a similar joking mannor. It shows you're a fun guy to be around with, don't take things seriously and that you're a great guy. If you get all pissy about some other random dude then nobody will want to hang out with you.
 
I mean, like, only if he consents. Otherwise that's rape. Wemfs endorses rape, confirmed.


Buuuut to answer the question. I would turn the other cheek, laugh it off and pick fun at his race in a similar joking mannor. It shows you're a fun guy to be around with, don't take things seriously and that you're a great guy. If you get all pissy about some other random dude then nobody will want to hang out with you.
Lol who makes fun of caucasians?
 

Scott The Scot

Where there is smoke, there is cancer.
Lol who makes fun of caucasians?
lol in a joking manner, anyone can. Call him a cracker or something like that. I mean, I guess it's pretty hard to offend a white guy for being white. Just poke fun at his insecurities then, maybe he's got a limp, a squint or a family member that recently passed away. M'kay probably not that last one but ya get the picture, right? :D
 

Lou Kang

Noob
seems like alot of the people posting here would have just dummied him for saying such a mildly offensive thing. I guess it just confirms the stereotype that online gamers/ forum posters are a bunch of tough guy badasses who don't back down from any shit....especially back in highschool were they were tossing around the popular jocks like it was nothing
 

Youphemism

Gunslinger since pre patch (sh/out to The Farmer)
Buuuut to answer the question. I would turn the other cheek, laugh it off and pick fun at his race in a similar joking mannor. It shows you're a fun guy to be around with, don't take things seriously and that you're a great guy. If you get all pissy about some other random dude then nobody will want to hang out with you.
Woah woah woah, please don't tell me your advice is to be racist back to him!?
 

@MylesWright_

I'll be back 3ing
You should be diplomatic about it and try to come to some arrangement. Sticking with this guy may elevate your status within the social circle, the fact that he hugged you jokingly shows that he isn't being serious and feared any potential backlash they may have occurred in front of the cheerleaders who will mostly meet an untimely demise at the hands of Jason anyway
 

Scott The Scot

Where there is smoke, there is cancer.
Woah woah woah, please don't tell me your advice is to be racist back to him!?
pick fun at his race in a similar joking mannor
similar joking mannor
joking mannor

What I'm saying is, in social situations like this where someone is being a douchebag unintentionally, don't spoil the fun and go in a little mood because he hurt your feelings a little or have a stick up your ass - just realise that he's obviously trying to have a little fun but didn't realise that you'd take offence because it's 2014, who really gives a fuck about stereotypes; people need to really move on with this crap it's pathetic. I'm not saying the OP is pathetic or boring or anything like that, I'm talking in gerenal about people, the OP sounds like a cool down to earth guy and that's fine. But if it's so much of a problem that it keeps you awake at night then the obvious solution would be to talk to the guy and say you don't like it. So no, I'm not saying be racist. I'm saying I don't think the guy said anything racist to the OP maliciously with the intent to hurt his feelings; it's more in a joking around kind of way. This is when you return the favour in good spirit. I'm not racist, and I'm not encouraging or endorsing racism. I swear, people generally confuse me with some of their thoughts.

Skimming back over that paragraph I realise that I sound like a total dick. But I am not taking that back because I mean every word.

:)
 

Youphemism

Gunslinger since pre patch (sh/out to The Farmer)
pick fun at his race in a similar joking mannor
similar joking mannor
joking mannor

What I'm saying is, in social situations like this where someone is being a douchebag unintentionally, don't spoil the fun and go in a little mood because he hurt your feelings a little or have a stick up your ass - just realise that he's obviously trying to have a little fun but didn't realise that you'd take offence because it's 2014, who really gives a fuck about stereotypes; people need to really move on with this crap it's pathetic. I'm not saying the OP is pathetic or boring or anything like that, I'm talking in gerenal about people, the OP sounds like a cool down to earth guy and that's fine. But if it's so much of a problem that it keeps you awake at night then the obvious solution would be to talk to the guy and say you don't like it. So no, I'm not saying be racist. I'm saying I don't think the guy said anything racist to the OP maliciously with the intent to hurt his feelings; it's more in a joking around kind of way. This is when you return the favour in good spirit. I'm not racist, and I'm not encouraging or endorsing racism. I swear, people generally confuse me with some of their thoughts.

Skimming back over that paragraph I realise that I sound like a total dick. But I am not taking that back because I mean every word.

:)
Yes I saw that part and I don't care if it's "in a similar joking mannor" (by the way it's manner), it's racism and it isn't acceptable to just be racist in public like that.
Unintentionally?! Are you kidding?! They're clearly not friends and the other guy is just a douche trying to be funny in front of those girls. You suggesting that he should just make a racist comment back is not the decent way to go about this, that would make him just as bad as the other guy.

Yes you are saying be racist, it's in the exact thing you quoted, the words "pick fun at his race". *facepalms* Whether it be in a "joking mannor" or not it's still racist.
 

Scott The Scot

Where there is smoke, there is cancer.
Yes I saw that part and I don't care if it's "in a similar joking mannor" (by the way it's manner), it's racism and it isn't acceptable to just be racist in public like that.
Unintentionally?! Are you kidding?! They're clearly not friends and the other guy is just a douche trying to be funny in front of those girls. You suggesting that he should just make a racist comment back is not the decent way to go about this, that would make him just as bad as the other guy.

Yes you are saying be racist, it's in the exact thing you quoted, the words "pick fun at his race". *facepalms* Whether it be in a "joking mannor" or not it's still racist.
This isn't an English exam, I couldn't give any fucks if I make spelling or grammar mistakes but if it makes you feel better about yourself to point them out and act like a smartass then please be my guest. Paul. It is people like you who try to be the white knight and politically correct about everything that makes this world such a shitty place. Do you REALLY think this guy decided to go out of his way and think "hmm there's a guy that's a different race, let me make fun of him because I don't like him because of his race" no. Absolutely fucking not. He hugged the OP after it and the truth is some people are douches but they don't do it because they want to be a douche, they probably are just over confident since he wants to impress the girls. That's actually pretty normal nowadays. The remark he made is racist, yeah I guess so, but like I said (the important part anyway) he didn't do it to intentionally offend him, society has came quite a long way in terms of culture, races and, well, everything since the 1960's. If you want to continue talking about this then save it for in real life, there's no way in hell I'm typing multiple of these walls of text.
 

Youphemism

Gunslinger since pre patch (sh/out to The Farmer)
This isn't an English exam, I couldn't give any fucks if I make spelling or grammar mistakes but if it makes you feel better about yourself to point them out and act like a smartass then please be my guest. Paul. It is people like you who try to be the white knight and politically correct about everything that makes this world such a shitty place. Do you REALLY think this guy decided to go out of his way and think "hmm there's a guy that's a different race, let me make fun of him because I don't like him because of his race" no. Absolutely fucking not. He hugged the OP after it and the truth is some people are douches but they don't do it because they want to be a douche, they probably are just over confident since he wants to impress the girls. That's actually pretty normal nowadays. The remark he made is racist, yeah I guess so, but like I said (the important part anyway) he didn't do it to intentionally offend him, society has came quite a long way in terms of culture, races and, well, everything since the 1960's. If you want to continue talking about this then save it for in real life, there's no way in hell I'm typing multiple of these walls of text.
Of course you'd ignore my post and instead comment on the one unimportant part where I point out the spelling mistake (which is what I happen to do on here if you hadn't noticed) -_-
How is being politically correct making the world shitty?! It's the obviously offensive terms that are being thrown around as if they're ok to joke about and the two wrongs make a right argument you're putting across that's making the world shitty. You are clearly getting the wrong impression from the OP because this guy is not what you're describing him as.
No I don't think he thought "hmm there's a guy that's a different race, let me make fun of him because I don't like him because of his race", that's a stupid assumption and obviously not what he was thinking, he was thinking "oh look there's someone to pick on in front of these girls to assert my masculinity" which is exactly what he did. He chose to make a racist joke because he's Asian and he thinks it's funny to make fun of him based on stereotypes. He then hugged him so that he wouldn't retort, making it look like the racist joke he just made was ok to the girls because they're 'friends' when in reality they're actually not.
The remark he made is racist, yeah I guess so, but like I said (the important part anyway) he didn't do it to intentionally offend him, society has came quite a long way in terms of culture, races and, well, everything since the 1960's.
Also, this part pisses me off because it's blatantly ignorant. But it's ok for me to call you ignorant right since we're friends? I could just give you a hug and that makes the insult ok right?
Yes his remark is racist and "I guess so" is a horrible attitude to have towards it. I've said it before and I'll say it again, public racist remarks are not ok by any means, there is no need for it and even as 'a joke' it's not ok. If you say things like that to your friends in private because you know they're ok with it then fine, you can say that since it has nothing to do with anyone else and you're not hurting anyone because you're only making the remark in front of that person, but these guys aren't friends and it isn't being done in private so it's not by any means ok.
You are right though in that society has come far but the lenient attitude some people have towards making racist remarks publicly without consent from the other person/people as if they're ok is one of the reasons we're still not succeeding the way we should be. It's like using the words "n***a" or "f****t" when referring to black people or homosexual people, they're not ok to say publicly and not something that should be shrugged off because 'it's just a joke'. That's why the words are, for example, banned on this site regardless of context.

It's not being a white knight, it's common sense.

But to @BrianTheBEAST I suggest not taking it like it's nothing since it isn't nothing, don't let him hug you and pretend you're friends if you aren't, tell him his remarks are/were racist. That way he can't assert his masculinity the way he wants to and the girls are going to see how stupid he is. Something along those lines, do/say something that doesn't invite aggression from him but at the same time makes you look like the bigger man :)
 

Scott The Scot

Where there is smoke, there is cancer.
Of course you'd ignore my post and instead comment on the one unimportant part where I point out the spelling mistake (which is what I happen to do on here if you hadn't noticed) -_-
How is being politically correct making the world shitty?! It's the obviously offensive terms that are being thrown around as if they're ok to joke about and the two wrongs make a right argument you're putting across that's making the world shitty. You are clearly getting the wrong impression from the OP because this guy is not what you're describing him as.
No I don't think he thought "hmm there's a guy that's a different race, let me make fun of him because I don't like him because of his race", that's a stupid assumption and obviously not what he was thinking, he was thinking "oh look there's someone to pick on in front of these girls to assert my masculinity" which is exactly what he did. He chose to make a racist joke because he's Asian and he thinks it's funny to make fun of him based on stereotypes. He then hugged him so that he wouldn't retort, making it look like the racist joke he just made was ok to the girls because they're 'friends' when in reality they're actually not.

Also, this part pisses me off because it's blatantly ignorant. But it's ok for me to call you ignorant right since we're friends? I could just give you a hug and that makes the insult ok right?
Yes his remark is racist and "I guess so" is a horrible attitude to have towards it. I've said it before and I'll say it again, public racist remarks are not ok by any means, there is no need for it and even as 'a joke' it's not ok. If you say things like that to your friends in private because you know they're ok with it then fine, you can say that since it has nothing to do with anyone else and you're not hurting anyone because you're only making the remark in front of that person, but these guys aren't friends and it isn't being done in private so it's not by any means ok.
You are right though in that society has come far but the lenient attitude some people have towards making racist remarks publicly without consent from the other person/people as if they're ok is one of the reasons we're still not succeeding the way we should be. It's like using the words "n***a" or "f****t" when referring to black people or homosexual people, they're not ok to say publicly and not something that should be shrugged off because 'it's just a joke'. That's why the words are, for example, banned on this site regardless of context.

It's not being a white knight, it's common sense.

But to @BrianTheBEAST I suggest not taking it like it's nothing since it isn't nothing, don't let him hug you and pretend you're friends if you aren't, tell him his remarks are/were racist. That way he can't assert his masculinity the way he wants to and the girls are going to see how stupid he is. Something along those lines, do/say something that doesn't invite aggression from him but at the same time makes you look like the bigger man :)
tldr talk to me irl.